THE INTRODUCTION

I’ve been avoiding finishing writing this all week. Partly because I can already tell it’s going to be a tall order/one of those really long ranty posts and partly because I just don’t know how to start this. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I have a whole hell of a lot to say. But I guess that’s the problem. It’s just that the idea of thinking about it again, is stirring up some emotional anxiety in me already. But my hope is that once I get all the feels out, I will feel better, and start to heal. It’s happened for me in the past.

I know at this point you are probably very confused…allow me to explain.

It’s just a show, they say. Don’t take it too seriously. Get over it. But to us- to a lot of us-it’s more than that. When you watch a show for 6 seasons, you learn and grow with the characters, you care about them, you are invested in their stories and want to know more. They become like parts of your family.  Our Sunday night family. Yes, I’m referring to Rick and the gang from AMC’s The Walking Dead.

[SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!]

Now I know there are many different opinions floating around by now, and I may be late to the game, but I just couldn’t finalize my thoughts until recently. Even now I still feel like I’m all over the place and it’s been a few days since the episode aired. But it left one hell of an imprint on my mind and my heart. And not in a good way.  

This past Sunday night was the premiere episode of Season 7, entitled “The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be.” It’s an episode we fans have been anxiously awaiting since last season’s majorly talked about cliffhanger. And let it be known that even though I was mad at first, I defended the cliffhanger and thought it was badass and creative. I believed in the show that I love. The show that I love to watch with my family. The show I schedule my Sundays around. I believed they wouldn’t let me down. I trusted them. But what I got, was nothing I hoped for. In fact it was just the opposite.

In a nut shell. Let’s just say, I am NOT happy with the outcome.

THE FEELS ARE IN THE DETAILS

What I feared the most came true. A very beloved character was on the receiving end of Negan’s power trip of a batting practice. Glenn Rhee was killed. (Along with Sgt. Abraham Ford) And the fact that I just put Abraham’s death in parenthesis as a morbid side note, should tell you just how badly they screwed up.

There I said it. But what frustrates me so much is that it was done in such a bull shit, shock value, careless way. I say careless because I just feel like the producers have little regard for their audience. And I may just be talking out of anger right now, but that’s how I feel. Right now and for the days that have passed, this is how I feel. Chris Hardwick made an incredible point on The Talking Dead, validating any and all of our feelings, whether we are pissed, sad, or happy, because we are the passionate fans who make the show. And we love him for that and for being our full on therapist.

My thoughts are a scramble, still. As I sit here and try to edit myself and categorize my thoughts. But should I edit myself? Should I sugar coat anything? Show runners and AMC sure as hell don’t sugar coat anything for us. So should fans not be allowed the same curtesy? Should we not be allowed to speak our minds about a show that holds such a sacred place in our hearts?

I have so much inside and I don’t know how to say it. The gnawing feeling in my chest and stomach, and the feeling of puffy eyes is enough proof that Sunday night’s episode put me through a rollercoaster of emotions. I feel like I was anxious the night before the premiere, (waking up after bad dreams) and then I was nervous the whole day-dodging people with spoilers, and then after it happened I went from shocked, to pissed (some serious vulgar language was thrown left and right in my house hold that’s for sure), to balling my  eyes out. I actually have a video, my brother took of me. It’s too much for me to actually post, but let’s just say I was red faced. And that was after the episode, I just thought of Glenn’s face just before Negan lowered the bat. He was just sitting there, he wasn’t doing anything wrong, sure he had his outburst, but that wasn’t nearly as bad as Daryl’s. Glenn was just there. My brother put it perfectly, “he was an innocent.” And then WHACK. Reimagining that image, that thought, made me explode in tears, causing a bit of a domino effect in my house as my mom and sister in law began to get teary eyed and my brother jumped over to hug me. He and I are both completely messed up over this. We’re both just pissed and when my sister in law tried to be the voice of reason and ask us “Would you have rather seen him die getting ripped to pieces by walkers.” We both answered with a forceful YES in unison. Walkers eat people, it’s what they do. It’s what we know from this world, and that does become exciting and a bit of an adrenaline boost. But having one man bash the skull in of another man, is just not what I want or need to see. AMC- the same network that won’t allow the F word, but yet allowed that horrific imagery to be displayed for the world to watch. Yea that makes total sense.

I am not denying the cinematic genius of the show. The angles and the way it was shot was amazing- the POV shots- really were so interesting. And I know how well this show can be done, I’ve seen it in the past. But this week’s content…heartbreaking…too heartbreaking.

MANIPULATION GONE TOO FAR/THE BAIT & SWITCH TECHNIQUE

And that’s the problem, with this whole death scene. After going through all that wait and worry, I would have just rather they killed him last season. Instead we waited months for that bait and switch, shock value bull shit. I was a wreck last season when we had to deal with Glenn’s fake death, but I put my faith in the fact that Glenn had so much story left to tell and that he couldn’t be gone, and he wasn’t. But now after having to go through all that, and then the 6 month summer hiatus- to have it actually result in a Glenn death…Pure BULL SHIT. And because of that same need for shock value, they killed Abraham first to throw us off and totally didn’t allow his character to have his own meaningful death. His death was cast to the side, and completely overshadowed, because when you peg a supporting character death against a main character death, that supporting character isn’t cared about as much. And although Abraham is beloved in his own right his longevity on the show doesn’t compare to Glenn’s, so which death is being most talked about, Glenn’s. Although Abraham’s death was mighty and had purpose and he went out without fear and still his strong self, it fell to the side. If you ask me he deserved his own death. He shouldn’t have been a lead up or a manipulative fake out for Glenn’s horrific death.

I understand fans of the comics wanted this scene. They wanted the gore- the blood, the guts. But fans of the show, did not. Because although many fans overlap between the genres, fans of solely the show have become so undeniably attached to the original Atlanta 5 that, we hate to even consider the possibility of the show going on without them. Secondary characters are all up for grabs, but DO NOT MESS WITH MY GLENN. This so called “iconic” comic scene was ruined. I could give two shits about the comic scene, I don’t follow them and I don’t see that death as iconic at all. It’s disturbing and removes one of my favorite charcters from this world I’ve grown to follow intently. I just think the death should match the character. Yes in a way, Abraham’s did. He was staring Negan down, in a “take me” sort of fashion. Even during his death he still gave us one of his epic one liners and told Negan- “suck my nuts.” It was oddly funny and badass as hell. But Glenn’s death- it went unjustified, the purpose fell flat. It was out of nowhere. If they wanted to make it Glenn they should have just showed us it in the finale, at least then it would have been an instant shock and the wait wouldn’t have been for nothing. And the recovery period would be given proper time.

But no they had to do their whole little dance to make us think they maybe just maybe weren’t going to follow the comic.

I get it’s a zombie apocalypse show, I get that people have to die. I get that that in order for things to keep going and to keep things interesting with a realistic heir, main characters need to die to impact a greater story. But as a fan, I just think that this particular death was ruined. And whatever story they tell going forward could have still been accomplished if they hadn’t chosen Glenn.  

DARYL’S TO BLAME

I know that the way Glenn died on the show, is how he died in the comics. I understand that. But considering the show varies from the comic quite often, they didn’t have to have it be Glenn. And to have Abraham be the initial victim on the receiving end of Lucille, (the Point of View shot was in fact him and not Glenn) and give us this sense of relief, all to have Daryl have an outburst lunging at Negan and swinging at him, causing Negan to get pissed. Further stating the fact that he is a man of his word- the first outburst was free but any others and he would “shut that shit down.” In my head it made sense (although it pains me to say this) for Negan to kill Daryl. But no instead he pivots after bashing Abraham’s head in and whacks poor innocent Glenn over the head out of nowhere. I’m a Daryl fan, I am, but even so I am dead ass saying that if it weren’t for Daryl’s outburst, Glenn would still be alive. So not only did they make us think it was Daryl with the clips released, they then death layered Abraham and Glenn- and further pinning two crowd favorites against each other-Daryl and Glenn, by having Daryl be the cause of Glenn’s death.

The scene itself was heart breaking and gut wrenching. In an odd way I felt like I was prepping for it to be Daryl, but I thought they weren’t going to go that far, so when I saw it was Abraham there was an instant relief, because although I love him and his crazy sayings that always crack me up, I knew I could recover from his death versus trying to recover from a main core character death. The original Atlanta five that were left. But when I saw that it was Abraham, I knew it wasn’t over. I sensed it, I felt it in the pit of my stomach and then …it happened. The worst decision The Walking Dead ever made. I had tried so hard to stay away from spoilers, but I did watch the promo clips and the sneak peek. And all signs were intentionally pointing to Daryl. Dwight wearing his vest, riding his motorcycle, carrying his cross bow. And then in the sneak peek where we see the brain remains on the ground you see a blanket on the floor near it, the blanket we all knew Daryl had draped around his shoulders.

As much as I love Daryl- he is really one of my favorites- I cannot choose between my love for him and my love for Glenn. My sister in law asked me who would I rather it be, Glenn or Daryl and I told her she couldn’t ask me that question because I couldn’t give her an answer, I couldn’t choose. I had three characters I did not want touched, excluding Rick because I knew he was alive because of the sneak peek, and killing him would defeat the point of the idea that the producers and writers have been stressing, that this season is about breaking Rick down. My three favorites; Daryl, Maggie and Glenn. And when I got wind of people having spoilers and telling me I was going to be a wreck, I began to really worry it was Daryl, so I was prepping for Daryl, hoping it would be a secondary character, because fans would freak the F out if it were Daryl. But in that prepping, the Glenn death knocked the wind out of me. Even though his death was written the same in the comic (excluding the Abraham kill and the Daryl outburst) I didn’t think they were going to do it. I thought it was too expected. I thought/kind of hoped it was going to be Michonne. See my reasoning HERE.

Shock value. That’s all this episode was. I do not feel justified at all. The wait, the cliffhanger, the almost death of Glenn last season that freaked everyone the F out, all- for nothing. All to be thrown away in less than 30 minutes. They knew they would get shit for this, which is why they made it happen in the premiere and not the finale, because they’re going to try to use this season as a way to redeem their bullshit.

THE FANDOM AND WHAT LIES AHEAD

I’m a huge fan of the show, which is why I feel so deeply and strongly about all this. I may just be coming off as a bitter fan who didn’t get what she wanted. Or a bitchy fangirl who is pissed one of her favorite characters got killed off. But it’s more than that to me. It’s the way he was killed off, and the lack of respect we were shown as viewers who have been so faithful for the past 6 seasons. No matter what the story they want to tell after this, nothing can convince me it was worth Glenn’s death. In fact I believe the story would have been made greater had they kept Glenn alive. He’s had to endure so much death over the past season. Noah getting ripped to pieces by walkers, Nicholas shooting himself, all right in front of his eyes. That is traumatizing, and I would have loved to have seen how he handled that, and how he would have dealt with killing humans on a greater scale to protect his family. I’m a big believer in seeing a show through. But if I’m being honest, after that episode I just felt done. The need to watch any future episodes keeps moving further and further away from me, there isn’t an urgency like there used to be. There’s a feeling of betrayal.  Because I just don’t want to see a Walking Dead world where Glenn doesn’t exist. And to make things worse they gave us that bull shit “what could have been” dream sequence family dinner, where Glenn is holding his son as Maggie and Abraham sit next to him smiling and everyone else passes dinner plates and talking happily like one big family. Twist the knife even more, Scott Gimple. What the hell was that? I don’t know where my heart lines right now. I’m on the fence. I can’t say I won’t ever tune in again, because I still care about the other characters, but I just don’t think I will be as adamant about watching it live. I may just stick to catching it on demand. I don’t know. I reserve the right to change my mind, but for right now that’s how I feel. I wish all fans felt the same, so the showrunners/producers/writers could realize they screwed up big time this time, and to stop taking our trust in them for granted.

HERE is a really great read about others who feel strongly about whether or not they will continue to watch and support the show. I can’t say I don’t agree with some of their reasoning, there’s a lot of truth and facts to back it up.

GLENN’S FINAL WORDS

“Maggie…I’ll find you.” One final promise of protection. A vow to always continue to look and find her no matter where he is, or where she/their baby are. As beautiful as they were, I can’t. I don’t even want to relive this. Not to mention how gruesome and gory that scene was. Did you catch how once it happened the Glenn body was seldom shown, especially when Maggie crawls over, you only see her reactions to it, they are never fully in the same frame. Yea Gimple, you know what you did.

FUTURE VIEWERSHIP/MAGGIE & GLENN HISTORY

The writers and producers keep saying things like “this episode wasn’t about who was on the receiving end of the bat, it was about the impact it has on Rick and how to break a man down.” But to the fans, that’s all that mattered. And the cliffhanger made that so. I understand that Rick (& Co.) had begun to get too cocky. And I understand Negan saying that Rick wasn’t getting it, he wasn’t fearing Negan the way he should. Basically Negan wants Rick to be his bitch and like it. But let’s be clear Rick was still not acting as Negan wanted even AFTER he killed both Abraham and Glenn. It wasn’t until Negan nearly forced him to cut Carl’s arm off that he was finally satisfied with the fear and fully defeated look on Rick’s face.

So the question begs, why Glenn? Why did it HAVE to be Glenn? Maggie is pregnant. They were trying to build something. They are the driving romantic force of the show, the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Not to mention how much love and faith went into their trying to get back to each other after last season’s “Is he or isn’t he alive” saga. They barely got any actual screen time together in season 6, I wonder how she even got pregnant in the first place since they were barely ever together. In fact many of the seasons were about splitting them up and then having them find each other again somehow. Relying on their unspoken connection as husband and wife. Up until season 6 Glenn hadn’t even killed a human. He was a leader, a loyal man of honor. He took whatever came his way and handled his business like a boss, but with an odd heir of grace in a rather grace-less world. He was our heart. He was our family. And the thought that he will never crack a joke, kiss Maggie, or meet his baby, well it just breaks my heart to pieces.

THE FUTURE OF MAGGIE GREENE (-RHEE)

I’m hearing that this storyline is to set the stage for Maggie to become badass, but she was always badass. She was even the only one to say that they had to fight Negan after Glenn’s death. She fought through crippling pain and shock. How she stayed put and silent throughout her husband’s death is beyond me. I expected more of a reaction I think, but if I gather her condition and her physical exhaustion and pain, she was probably in complete shock and couldn’t move. Her reaction after Negan’s crew leaves and they can finally speak and comfort each other is what kicked off the tears for me. The initial hit was too much of a shock. So I guess you can say we had the same emotional roller coaster as Maggie herself. Maggie is the first to make a move and the first to want to make plans for retaliation, begging her friends to leave and go back, worrying that they were only out there for her. Maggie saying that she’s taking him (Glenn’s body) with her. That’s when I really started to break down, seeing her heartbreak and feeling her pain. Lauren Cohan slayed it! I truly can’t wait till this Negan dick dies, and I pray that it’s Maggie that gets to do the honors. And if they think they are going to kill this Glaggie baby, they better think twice! Because I wasn’t ready for Glenn to die and if they let this baby die now too, it’s just as worse. Maggie has lost everything, she doesn’t need to lose her baby too, and the last piece of Glenn she has left. Ughhh why didn’t SHE ever take a picture of HIM. Oh I hate this, his baby is never even going to get to see what his/her dad looked like. I can’t. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. Can I be done now? Can this be done, can the show be done, I need a minute. This should have been the season finale last year, 6 months would have been a good recovery period.

ACTOR REACTIONS

If you ask me the actors are too cool about this whole thing. Steven Yeun was all game for it and that kind of saddens me, why do you want to leave us? Sometimes fans just need to feel like you care. And I know he does, but can’t you just be as pissed off as us. Screw respecting the story or respecting your bosses, tell me how you really feel. You’re leaving the people and the place you’ve called home for 6 years, how are you not more upset? Or are you just really good at holding it in?

Can’t Steven Yeun (Glenn) and Lauren Cohan (Maggie) just cry tears the way Emily Kinney did when Beth died and she was on The Talking Dead? Or how Lauren cried when Scott Wilson’s character Hershel who played her father, died.  Can’t you just be here with us! We need that. #THANKGODFORCHRISHARDWICK

Michael was also on E! News and his interview was just so good… so Thank you Michael! Thank you for getting it and us! (and for keeping the stache, he said he’s keeping it for the fans for a while, he says he understands there is a morning period for us.)

I don’t know maybe it’s because they’ve known for so long and they’ve already moved on. Maybe it’s because it’s just a job to them, and it’s time to move onto new adventures. But it just doesn’t feel like they were as emotional as the fans were. Ugh I don’t know I must be going through something serious right now. I’m checking their social sites, like TALK TO ME!!! #PMS #IBLAMEYOU

What’s worse is that producers Scott Gimple and Robert Kirkman, sit in their stuffy little seats with pusses on their faces the whole time on The Talking Dead trying to justify their choices without actually speaking any words worth listening to. #NOSCRATCHTHAT #GIMPLEANDKIRKMANIBLAMEYOU They don’t apologize, or sympathize with their audience ever. Quite frankly they annoy the crap out of me. Cocky people annoy me. It is my biggest pet peeve.

Just let Greg Nicotero do all the interviews, him I actually like. And he makes the sickest walkers come to life. (Although that Glenn death imagery I could have done without, but he didn’t write the scene, so I can forgive you.) 😉

I miss the old seasons, when the only thing our group had to fear were the walkers.

CONCLUSION

I don’t know what else to say, or what else to think. I’ve rambled on for pages, and I feel like I was an emotional mess and nothing got across the way that I wanted it to. I love the show, I love the characters, and I want to see what happens next and what happens when Negan finally gets his. But I just can’t stomach thinking about the show without Glenn, my eyes borderline tears every time I even think about it. I am still in shock. It’s a circle of denial. It’s the 5 stages of grief. I’ve felt weird these past few days-like I’ve been in an alternate universe, just floating about. It took me a good week to digest and recover from the cliffhanger of Season 6 finale, I was obsessed. So now that I know Glenn was one to go, it may take me longer to recover from.

Anyway I’m going to go before, I start to get emotional again. I realize I probably talked in a circular repetition and may have even contradicted myself, but this is where I am after Sunday night’s game changer. A state of anger, sadness, and confusion. Acceptance is a long way off. I hope you can see where I’m coming from as a fan. It’s hard. It’s going to be really hard. Fan girl life sucks.

GOODBYE…SEE YOU LATER

Glenn– from your first words, “Hey Dumbass” to your last “Maggie…I’ll find you.”- I have never not loved you, believed in you, or trusted you. Unfortunately you were the heart and moral compass of the show that got taken away from us this season and in the very first episode of the new season, none the less. I can’t even fathom watching the show without you. You will be greatly missed, there aren’t words to explain just how much. Maggie will never be the same without you, and The Walking Dead will never be the same without you.

RIP GLENN Love you, forever. ❤ #Family

-<3-