NaNoWriMo Update- Days 1-5

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Day 1

Word Goal: 1,667

Word Count: 1,680

*Extra 13 words!

Day 2

Word Goal: 3,334

Word Count: 3,376

*Extra 42 words!

Day 3

Word Goal: 5,001

Word Count: 5,172

*Extra 171 words!

Day 4

Word Goal: 6,668

Word Count: 6,875

*Extra 207 words!

Day 5

Word Goal: 8,335

Word Count: 8,376 

*Extra 41 words!

 

Notes/Things I’m learning along the way:

My first 5 days of November NaNoWriMo, went surprisingly well. I have a notebook, I dedicated to Nano. Filled with summaries, plot points, dialogue pieces, character names and backstories, my daily word goal tracker, and other helpful tools for this month. I created Daily Reports to keep track of things- like how I progress, if I meet my word count goal, if I exceed it, the times I write, how long it takes me. I also keep track of any distractions that may have come up and where I left off (including character intros, and recurring ideas) and a note for maybe where I want to go next. So that when I pick back up for the next day, I wouldn’t have to re-read everything before.

I noticed that if I block out the hours of 9-11 AM, I can clock in my word count in about an hour and a half. I usually have my head phones playing some simple instrumental music, sitting at my kitchen table, and maybe making a cup of tea before. So far that’s my writing routine.

It has worked rather nicely for me and I am proud to say, I am making great progress, for this being my first “unofficial” go at NaNoWriMo!

I wanted to throw a quick update up here (it was supposed to go up yesterday) but things have been kind of crazy lately, so today it is!

For more day to day Nano updates follow me on Insta!

 

Happy Writing!

Is any one else participating in NaNoWriMo or taking on the 30 day

challenge on their own? How’s it going?

 

*I do not take credit for the images used.*

-<3-

 

 

 

#BLOGTOBER Recap

I blogged for the entire month of November. I started off strong. I usually do, and I had some blogs lined up and ready to go. But as the month went on it did become more difficult to post regularly. However, I made it work, just like I did for BLOGMAS! 

Having done that last year definitely made me more sure of myself going into this year’s month long blog adventure. 

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BLOGTOBER

Sure, there were a few times that I lacked the inspiration,  and some posts were fillers. Sometimes I had to search for prompts online to help stir up an idea. It happens to the best of us. Sure, there were times that I was rushing to post something before midnight. I didn’t always get my social media posts up on time either, but they did go up regardless. But each blog post went up on time! All 31 of them. And I am super proud. I also was consistent in posting to my blog social accounts, which is always grueling, but I had a bit of a system and made it work. 

For the most part this challenge made me stronger. It made me create a bit of a writing routine, it made me more in touch with needing to make time for my writing and learning to be sure to make it a priority. It’s definitely a balancing act, but I am working on it. 

There were various times I was visiting family and had to excuse myself to get a post up, or I had something going on and had to jot down a post on my phone notes for later. It was crazy. But I did it. I knew I wanted to, and that I would make it to my 31 day mark. I had much more faith and certainty in myself this time, than I did last year during BLOGMAS. 

So with that being said, I am onto my next writing venture- NaNoWriMo [See: BLOGTOBER DAY 31] I definitely believe I have more confidence in taking on this journey because I just gained all this writing motivation and routine building from BLOGTOBER. Day 1 was actually really good! Stay Tuned for updates on that.

See you Monday- MLW has now returned to it’s regular Monday/Thursday schedule. 

 

And if you missed any of BLOGTOBER…check out the recap below! 

***BLOGTOBER 2018***

BLOGTOBER Day 1- An Update & Announcing #BLOGTOBER

BLOGTOBER Day 2- My 2018 Fall Bucket List

BLOGTOBER Day 3- My Fall 2018 TV Schedule

BLOGTOBER Day 4- Fall Haul- Treats, Teas, & Décor

BLOGTOBER Day 5- Where to find the best Halloween Movie Marathons

BLOGTOBER Day 6- Witchy Reboots…

BLOGTOBER Day 7- Where to find the best Halloween Movie Marathons Part 2

BLOGTOBER Day 8- It’s October again…

BLOGTOBER Day 9- Pumpkin Picking with the Family plus mini Fall Haul #2

BLOGTOBER Day 10- Stranger Things Themed Party

BLOGTOBER Day 11- MLW Halloween Themed Shorts Collection

BLOGTOBER Day 12- A Cheesy Fall Poem 😉

BLOGTOBER Day 13- A Fall Memory

BLOGTOBER Day 14- Fall Themed Gift Basket Idea

BLOGTOBER Day 15- Jewelry Making Tutorial- Memory Wire Bracelet

BLOGTOBER Day 16- TV Shows to Binge watch in the Fall Season that will give you a little spook…

BLOGTOBER Day 17- Some Recipes for the Fall Season

BLOGTOBER Day 18- Fall Mix [Middle School/High School Edition]

BLOGTOBER Day 19- The Jack-o-lantern

BLOGTOBER Day 20- Fall Smoothie Recipe

BLOGTOBER Day 21- On Halloween Night- A Poem

BLOGTOBER Day 22- Love Potion

BLOGTOBER Day 23- Fangirl Report: J.T. Edition (Who else?)

BLOGTOBER Day 24- Fall Fashion- Concert Style

BLOGTOBER Day 25- “Head Over Heels”- An Original Short Horror Script

BLOGTOBER Day 26- “Head Over Heels”- Commentary 

BLOGTOBER Day 27- Creating this year’s Pumpkin Character

BLOGTOBER Day 28- Purple/Green/Black Rocker Chic Witch Costume Idea

BLOGTOBER Day 29- Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”- A Film Muse

BLOGTOBER Day 30- Fall 2018 Bucket List Update

BLOGTOBER Day 31- Exciting Announcement!

 

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-<3-

#BLOGTOBER Day 31- Exciting Announcement!

Day 31. I made it! I can’t believe I blogged everyday for a month! I feel so accomplished. I was due for this challenge, since I basically went on a 2 month hiatus over the summer. 

For today I intended on posting a Halloween themed short story. But I’m still in the mist of writing it, and it’s not super Halloween related so I figured rather than stress myself out all night trying to rush to finish it, I will just finish it when I can and post when it’s ready. My stories always end up being longer, than I ever anticipate. 

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However, as I mentioned in my Fall Bucket List-  I will be participating in NaNoWriMo. What, you ask? NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month.

It’s basically the month where writers challenge themselves to write about 2,000 words everyday for the entire month of November- clocking in at 50,000 words. Resulting in the idea that you will then have written the first draft of a novel in a month.

There is a whole community of writers who have been doing this for years. I am a newbie. I never even knew this was a thing. I’m not much of a reader, so I’m a bit reserved about writing a book. 

But I figured why the hell not? I love all different types of forms of writing and I’ve dabbled in many. Why not try a book? So often I doubt myself without actually giving myself the chance to fail or to learn something knew about myself. When you really break it down, I just love to tell stories. 

I wasn’t sure I could do BLOGMAS (Blog everyday for the entire month of December) last year, but I did it. Which gave me the courage to then conquer BLOGTOBER this year! And I was committed and here we are at Day 31! I learned about NaNoWriMo a few months ago, so I started to jot down a few ideas for a book. I have a pretty decent notebook full of charcters and plot points, dialogue lines, some research. I know I have along way to go, there is still some things I don’t know, but I just didn’t have time to really dive into planning, what with doing BLOGTOBER too. 

In hindsight, doing that is a bit of a bitter sweet notion at this point. Today, I am so relieved to be done, but I know tomorrow, I’m starting a whole new venture of writing everyday. However, BLOGTOBER was really good practice for that. I kind of started my own little writing routine, and now I’m excited to get into my new story for this book idea.

Granted I have my reservations, I know there are already a bunch of days that it will be difficult to write but, I’m just going to really give it my best go. I always identify with being a writer, but I don’t write as often as I should. So by accepting these challenges, I am willing myself to write. To be the writer, I want to be. To let people know, that, that is what I am. And to accept that as a part of my life. 

So often I let my writing slide, because I have other obligations. But I’m learning when to choose myself and my writing. I’m learning when I can let it slide and when I know I have to say no. I wrestle with the balance, but I will never be a writer if I don’t try. 

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to officially sign up with the NaNoWriMo site, so I decided I was going to just to this thing on my own, just for the first time. Then if I find I want to try again next year, then I will register and join the online community.

So here’s the plan- Tomorrow is Day 1. I plan to get up early and write for two hours, and hopefully clock my first 2,000 words in. I don’t really plan/plot out too much, when I write. I guess I’m a pantser in that sense, or a mix of both a plotter and a pantser.

I just started following this Author/YouTuber when I was doing some NaNoWriMo research, she explains the whole Pantser/Plotter thing really well in her How To Outline Your Book video. 

I will plan and construct a timeline, when I feel like things aren’t adding, up, time frames, and flashbacks. Things like that. That’s when I know I need to sus out some logistics and plan ahead. Other than I that I just go with the flow and see where the story takes me. 

So that’s what I’m going to do. NaNoWriMo here we come!

I’m coming for you November!

DISCLAIMER: Michelle Leigh Writes will return to it’s regular Monday & Thursday posting schedule. 

Happy Halloween Folks!

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And Cheers to a new writing adventure!
Wish me luck!

 

*NaNoWriMo images from the official site.

I do not take credit for those or for the video used.*

-<3-

 

 

 

 

#BLOGTOBER Day 26- “Head Over Heels” Commentary

This was a short horror script I wrote back in 2015. Unfortunately like many of my scripts, it was never filmed. However, being that it is Halloween and I am a writer, I thought it’d be fun to at least share the script with you. You can read it in full form in yesterday’s BLOGTOBER post HERE

Which brings us to today’s post…

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MY WRITER’S COMMENTARY

Head over heels commentary 1head over heels commentary 2

*FYI Check this Rom Com out, it’s so damn good!
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*I do not take credit for any images/gifs/movie posters/movie trailers used.*

-<3-

 

ALSO FAN GIRL REPORT SIDENOTE: Due to bruised vocal chords Justin Timberlake has had to postpone a few of his tour dates. My Wednesday night show, sadly was one of them. I was all set, rushed home from work, was going to eat, change and head out, when I got an email and voicemail from Ticketmaster. And then I saw J.T.’s instagram post. I missed it earlier, because I was working. But what can you do, at least I saw it before I got ready to leave my house. I have to admit, I was bummed. I was so pumped to see him live. It’s been a while!

I had a show rescheduled, back when he first toured for the Justified album. My first time ever seeing him live, solo. There was a crazy stage accident and people were injured and equipment was damaged and they had to cancel it. I was so upset. I was probably about 12 and I was hysterical crying when I saw it on the news.

My older cousin was supposed to take me, so she was like I will take you wherever you want to go, we can do whatever you want that day and you can bring whoever you want. She’s the best! So I wanted to go to Build-a-bear (Is 12 too old for that? Probably but whatever, til this day that is the only Build-a-bear I have. This coming from a girl who played with Barbies til she was like 14, Lol #DONTJUDGE!) I brought my best friend and we all went to the mall, and it was a great day! 

Needless to say, we made it to the concert…and it was freakin’ AMAZING!

And this one will be too. Being that ya know I am having to #ADULT these days, I totally understood the need for JT to have to postpone. He needs to take care of himself first. Health and Safety first always. The new date is going to be on his 38th Birthday- January 31st, so I am super stoked for that! Rest Up JT, see you in January! I just can’t wait! Ah #FANGIRLIFE!

So Stay Tuned my fellow fangirls, full concert outfit and concert review COMING IN THE NEXT YEAR, haha. Book Review too! 😀

#BLOGTOBER Day 25- “Head Over Heels”- An Original Short Horror Script [2015]

“HEAD OVER HEELS”

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CLICK FOR SOUND EFFECT.

A SHORT HORROR FILM

Page 1.

FADE IN: BLACK SCREEN

(SOUND OF HIGH HEELS WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK… A STEADY WALK.)

EXT: NIGHT. SIDEWALK/ALLEYWAY.

CLOSE UP: A PAIR OF BLACK HIGH HEELS WALKING.

A YOUNG WOMAN IS WALKING, ON A CHILL FALL NIGHT.

THE MOON IS HIGH IN THE SKY.

SOUNDS OF LIGHT WIND GUSTS AND LEAVES RUSTLING ABOUT ARE HEARD.

THE YOUNG WOMAN IS WALKING AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE STILLS FEELING A PRESENCE NEAR HER.

WE SEE A BLURRY BLACK HOODED FIGURE A FEW FEET AWAY, IN THE DISTANCE BEHIND HER.

THE YOUNG WOMAN STOPS AND LOOKS AROUND, SEEING NOTHING.

SHE CONTINUES WALKING A FEW MORE STEPS.

STOPS FEELING THAT SAME FEELING AGAIN.

A FACELESS MAN APPEARS BEHIND HER.

SHE TURNS.

THE FACELESS MAN SWOOPS AROUND TO THE FRONT OF HER.

SHE SEES NOTHING, TURNING AROUND HE IS GONE.

THE YOUNG WOMAN’S HEART BEGINS BEATING FAST, HER BREATHING QUICKENS.

SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT.

SHE STARTS TO WALK QUICKER. TAKING OUT HER KEYS FROM HER JACKET POCKET AND PLACING THEM BETWEEN HER KNUCKLES.

SHE HEARS HER NAME WHISPERED IN HER EAR.

BLANK FACE:

“Heather.”

A BREATH RUSTLES HER HAIR.

SHE STILLS, NERVOUS TO MOVE.

Page 2.

HEATHER TURNS QUICKLY AROUND.

HEATHER:
Ok that’s enough bullshit, Sara…that better not be you screwing with me.

After you left me to fend for myself at that sleazy bar. I could kill you.

SHE LOOKS AROUND.

HEELS CLICKING. AS SHE WALKS IN A CIRCLE.

HEATHER:

(whispers to herself)

It’s all in your head, it’s all in your head, and you’re almost home.

HEATHER CONTINUES WALKING, BUT PICKS UP THE PACE.

SHE STARTS TO HEAR THE SOUND OF CHILDREN LAUGHING.

SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY.

(CLOSE UP OF HER EYES DARTING FROM SIDE TO SIDE.)

CHILDREN:

(whispers)

Don’t go home. They’re waiting for you.

Page 3.

SHE SEES TWO LITTLE KIDS RUNNING IN FRONT OF HER AND THEN AROUND HER, THEY VANISH BEHIND TREES.

CHILDREN’S LAUGHTER FILLS THE AIR.

HEATHER:

I’m so out of here.

HEATHER BEGINS TO RUN.

INT: HEATHER’S APARTMENT

SHE GETS INTO HER APARTMENT. FLICKS ON HER LIGHT.

SHUTS THE DOOR BEHIND HER, LEANING UP AGAINST IT, SHE LETS OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF.

SHE SHUTS HER EYES, BREATHING HEAVILY. UPON OPENING THEM SHE IS FACED WITH A STRANGE FEELING AGAIN.

SHE TURNS ON ALL HER LIGHTS, CHECKING HER APARTMENT, ROOM BY ROOM.

HER PHONE RINGS, STARTLING HER. SHE REACHES AND TAKES IT OUT OF HER BACK POCKET.

HEATHER:

Shit. Heather. Relax. It’s all in your head.

Page 4.

SHE ANSWERS HER PHONE.

HEATHER:

(Aggravated)

Hello?

CALLER:
Is it?

HEATHER:

Who is this?

CALLER:
Is it?

HEATHER:

Who is this?

CALLER:

Is it all in your head?

HEATHER STILLS.

BEHIND HER A HALL LIGHT FLICKERS.

SHE TURNS THE LIGHT STEADIES.

HEATHER LOOKS BACK AT HER PHONE “CALL ENDED.”

Page 5.

HEATHER:

It’s all in your head. It is all in your head.

HEATHER TAKES HER JACKET OFF. AND HER HEELS. TOSSING THEM TO THE SIDE.

CLOSE UP ON THE HEELS.

SHE WALKS OVER TO THE STOVE AND PUTS WATER TO BOIL, GETTING HER CUP AND TEA READY.

SHE WALKS TO HER BEDROOM, GETTING HER PAJAMAS TO CHANGE INTO.

TASTEFUL SHOT.

CLOTHING DROPS TO THE FLOOR. HEATHER THROWS ON SWEATS AND A HOODIE AND SOME SLIPPERS.

UNDER THE BED SHOTS AS IF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IS WATCHING FROM UNDER THE BED.

HEATHER GETS A FEELING, SHE LOOKS AROUND. SHE KNEELS AND LOOKS UNDER HER BED. SEEING NOTHING.

HEATHER:

(Laughs)

(covering her face)

BEHIND HER A CREEPY CREATURE IS DEPICTED IN THE MIRROR AND THEN VANISHES.

HEATHER GETS UP AND MAKES HER WAY TO THE BATHROOM.

Page 6.

TYING HER HAIR UP IN A BUN. SHE TURNS ON THE WATER.

SETTING TO BRUSHING HER TEETH. SHE LOOKS INTO THE MIRROR AS SHE BRUSHES, SHE GOES TO SPIT AND A CREEPY CREATURE IS PICTURED IN THE MIRROR. HIS HAND REACHING FOR HER.

HEATHER STANDS BACK UP AND GETS A FEELING AND LOOKS BEHIND HER.

SHE CHECKS BEHIND THE SHOWER CURTAIN.

SHE LAUGHS AT HERSELF AGAIN.

HEATHER:

Heather you’re psyching yourself out over nothing.

It’s all in your head. Just breathe. Relax.

HEATHER REMOVES HER MAKEUP WITH WIPES AND SPLASHES WATER ON HER FACE.

CREEPY CREATURE IS PICTURED IN THE FAUCET.

HEATHER DRIES HER FACE AND HEADS BACK TO THE KITCHEN.

AS SHE DOES, A KNOCK IS HEARD.

HEATHER STILLS.

SHE LOOKS AT HER WALL CLOCK.

Page 7.

2:34 AM

HEATHER WALKS SLOWLY TO HER APARTMENT DOOR. SHE PAUSES AND LOOKS THROUGH THE PEEPHOLE. SHE SEES NOTHING.

A CREEPY CREATURE IS ON THE OTHER SIDE LOOKING IN.

HEATHER SEES NOTHING.

HEATHER GETS THAT FEELING. HER TEA KETTLE WHISTLES AND IT STARTLES HER.

HEATHER:
Damn it.

SHE WALKS OVER TO HER STOVE SHUTS IT AND POURS HER WATER IN HER MUG.

OFF TO THE SIDE IN THE HALLWAY, THE LIGHT FLICKERS.

A CREEPY BLUE TONED WOMAN IN A NIGHTGOWN IS SHOWN.

HEATHER TURNS AND SHE’S GONE.

HEATHER WALKS TO HER SOFA WITH HER CUP OF TEA. SITTING DOWN SHE TURNS ON HER TV.

A NEWS REPORT COMES ON.

Page 8.

NEWS ANCHORPERSON:

It’s just a few short days to Halloween. And we’ve got some fun questions for you. What are you most afraid of? What creatures of the night terrify you to your very core? Witches, Werewolves, Vampires, Ghouls, Goblins….let us know on our Facebook page. And let us know which Halloween traditional is at the top of your to do list.

HEATHER CHANGES THE CHANNEL.

SHE SIPS HER TEA.

TIME PASSES.

HEATHER FALLS ASLEEP ON THE COUCH.

SLEEPING PEACEFULLY.

P.O.V SHOT OF PEOPLE CLOSING IN ON HEATHER AS SHE SLEEPS. REFLECTIONS IN THE TV.

HEATHER’S PHONE RINGS AND SHE JOLTS AWAKE.

SHE LOOKS AROUND, SEEING NOTHING.

HEATHER:

(tiredly)

Hello?

Page 9.

CALLER:
Is it?

HEATHER STILLS.

THE CREATURES CLOSE IN AND SHE SCREAMS. THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.

END SCENE:

TV PLAYING.

TEA ON COFFEE TABLE

CELLPHONE NEARBY.

HEATHER’S LIMP BODY ON THE COUCH.

A HIGH HEELED SHOE STUCK IN HER NECK.

CREDITS ROLL…
“Head Over Heels”
WRITTEN, DIRECTED & EDITED BY MICHELLE…
CINEMATOGRAPHY BY ROBERT…
STARRING LAUREN…

Page 10.

SECRET SCENE:

HEATHER WAKES UP FROM A LONG SLEEP.

HER PHONE RINGS MAKING HER JUMP.

HEATHER:
Hello?

SARA:
Hey…

HEATHER:

Who’s this?

SARA:

It’s Sara crazy. Are you just waking up it’s like 2:30 in the afternoon?

HEATHER:

Sorry I guess I was kind of out of it.

SARA:

No worries. So is it

HEATHER:

Uh…

SARA:

Come on is it still on for tonight? Our plan to hangout?

Scott said he’s bringing a cute friend for you. It’ll be fun.

HEATHER:

Ok, yea pick me up. I’m not traveling alone that late at night. Crazy shit can happen.

SARA:

You got it. I’ll see you later.

CUT TO:

HEATHER SITS IN HER ROOM, GETTING HER OUTFIT TOGETHER TO GO OUT.

SHE LOOKS AT HER HEELS AND THEN AT HER FLATS.

HEATHER:

Screw it, I’m wearing flats.

FADE OUT.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

*I do not take credit for the image or the sound effect used.*

-<3-

Finally….A Summer Update

The longer I’ve waited to post, the harder I’ve felt this has been. I went through having zero ideas, to so many ideas-good and bad. And here I am, just wanting to say SOMETHING. I’m a writer, who hasn’t really written in months. Is that normal? I suppose not.

Hi all. I hope someone is still listening. This has been a long time coming, and quite frankly I was hoping to come back with some fun, fancy, well-crafted story or work of art. But it’s just not coming, so instead, I’m going to just speak my truth. Hopefully you can relate.

It’s been quite a long few months since I last posted, and yes when I look back at old posts, I have definitely written many posts similar to this. Being a creative soul is thrilling and fun, until it isn’t. Creativity isn’t always guaranteed. I haven’t posted at all this summer. There are a lot of reasons why, but the number one reason is because well…I just haven’t felt inspired or motivated to do so. 

You know when your favorite YouTuber goes MIA for a while, because they just haven’t been happy with any of their content. That’s how I feel.

I hit these walls where I feel like my life is at a standstill and instead of doing something to change it, I internalize and my mind becomes a ball of anxious thoughts unable to move myself forward. A vessel just going through the motions. I have a really hard time being present in the moment. I’m constantly over thinking everything. It is the most daunting feeling. My mind gets clouded and unfortunately creativity gets pushed to the side. Which is bizarre because I know this is the time when I need it most, to pull me out of my slump. 

Creativity can be an incredible outlet for stress, but sometimes I just choose to ignore the issue and let days pass me by. Filling my time within mindless tasks.  

I wish I had some big revelation for myself. I wish I had some inspirational advice to share about how I’ve just been too busy living life to post, but unfortunately that is just not the case.

I have a case of the summer funk. And I honestly can’t wait for it to be fall. 

The air is crisp.

The fashion is cooler.

The colors are gorgeous. 

And let’s face it, there is a plethora of pumpkin.

Here’s to breaking the silence and powering through. 

I’m going to end this with a quote from one of my Writer’s Corners from back in 2015. It’s amazing how the words still hold truth for me:

“Giving up on that dream [of being a writer] is not in my line of vision. It can’t be. I don’t think my brain or sanity could take it. Too many stories to tell. So when the walls start caving in and you feel like you’re going to emotionally explode, get out of your head. And get out of your own way. And just do what you do best. Write. Because writers feel things deeper than most, and when we tell those stories, someone out there in the universe is going to get it, and feel gotten. Keep fighting, keep striving, and know that there is always a safe place for the written word here on Michelle Leigh Writes. Soldier on my friends.”- Michelle Leigh Writes * Writer’s Corner * “Get out of your own way”

 

**While you wait for new stories…feel free to browse my Short Story Collection HERE

 

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-<3-

 

Hi, I’m still here…

People, people, people…how the heck are ya?

I can once again apologize for being MIA/inconsistent and follow it up with a whole “I’m back” spiel. But I just wouldn’t be telling the truth. I’ve been all over the place, I can’t even remember what I was doing  a few weeks ago. This year is flying by and I can’t even believe we are already in April.

There are many reasons for my inconsistencies here on this blog. I always attempt to stick to a Monday/Thursday post schedule, but now I’m lucky if I get one post up a week, I get really super duper lucky if I get two up even on any random two days. That’s kind of why you’ll see a random Sunday post pop up, or a Tuesday post sneak in. Because I just so happened to have some time to do it that day. To be honest, I haven’t been writing much at all. And I just realized how much I’ve missed it.

Needless to say, I still haven’t gotten back into it. I stand in front of a classroom asking students to write and trying to inspire their creativity and yet I feel like a hypocrite because I myself feel so uninspired.

In February I hit a slump. And it pretty much lasted all through March too. The goals and ideas I had in the beginning of the year went out the window, and the promises I made to myself soon became forgotten.

I guess you can say that’s normal right? We often leave our resolutions in the dust of the January’s left over glitter.

But this felt different.

It felt like I was just constantly going through the motions of what I had to do. Then I got hit with a period of time where I was sick on an off for weeks. First I was treated for a sinus infection. Then after a bunch of back and forth between my doctor and urgent care, I was finally treated for the flu (as a precaution) and strep throat. To say I was done was an understatement. I was taking so many different medications and constantly feeling like I wasn’t present, feeling like my chest was so heavy and like I couldn’t breathe right. I stayed in bed for most of my days. I was even sick for my 27th Birthday. Super fun. Side Note: My mom did make me a kick ass chicken and waffles dinner though, which I was happy I at least got to taste a little. On top of it all, mother nature decided to rain on my pity parade and grace me with her presence.

So I was a mess. I was emotional, I was sick, I didn’t feel well physically or mentally. And because of all of that my anxiety was in full force, I felt like I was going insane. I just didn’t feel like myself for weeks. I really felt like I was spiraling into this weird depression, where I felt like there was something really wrong with me. Soon enough I started to come out of it and even though I’m not 100% out of my funk, I can safely say I feel 100% better than I did a few weeks ago. It’s so crazy the things that your mind can put you through. I was so frustrated at how I was feeling, because I knew the rationality was that I was sick and on medication and dealing with lady problems (lol) and I knew it was just the combination that was making me feel funky. My brain kept telling me not to make such a big deal of it all. People get sick, you’ll be better in a week. But my anxiety turned it into so much more. 

I recently had off of work so I tried to cram a bunch of things into my week. Including meeting up with a few friends. And out of all the ladies that I spoke with, we all were feeling the same way. Stressed, anxious, unlike ourselves. And it got me thinking…you are never alone in what you feel. There is always someone who has felt or is feeling what you have/are feeling. 

When you deal with anxiety, you become this prisoner in your own mind. As my friend put it, you start to live in your head. And although the mind is a beautiful, powerful thing, it can also be something that can literally break you down and tear you apart because it’s so powerful.

So that brings me to my next point. Seasonal depression is a thing.

Seasonal Depression is also known as –Seasonal affective disorder– A mood disorder characterized by depression that occurs at the same time every year.

*Usually self-diagnosable
*Symptoms include: fatigue, depression, hopelessness, and social withdrawal.
*People may experience:
Mood: anxiety, apathy, general discontent, loneliness, loss of interest, mood swings, or sadness
Sleep: excess sleepiness, insomnia, or sleep deprivation
Whole body: appetite changes or fatigue
Behavioral: irritability or social isolation
Also common: depression, lack of concentration, or weight gain

And when it comes to the Winter season (especially in New York) you can gather how many people may be experiencing this. It stays cold and dark out longer, there’s less opportunities to go out and experience sunlight. Often people stay in doors to avoid the cold temperatures or the snow. You know the snow that falls in March and April when it should be Spring. And your social life becomes sullen. Your left with isolation at times and if you deal with anxiety- your worry sets in and you begin to drown in your racing thoughts. Not to mention that NY whether is so unpredictable that you could be thinking Spring is right around the corner, wearing light jackets and then it snows and you need a winter coat again in a day.  That’s enough to put anyone’s body in shock and confusion. Not to mention that the flu season this year has been atrocious. EVERYONE has been getting sick. Gosh, I really thought I was going to escape it, I usually have a strong immune system. But in general my anxiety has peeked these past few months and I imagine that left me a little more susceptible. Never the less, I am slowly, but surely coming out of my funk, and I am finally starting to feel like myself again, and it is time I try to manage my time wisely.

So I won’t make any promises here. I am actually going to just say now that the Monday/Thursday schedule is on hold for now. I will try my best to at least post once a week. I just have a lot going on with weddings, and showers, and family and work and I realize I can’t always be perfect at doing it all at once. And that’s okay. We all could benefit from giving ourselves a little grace at times. At the end of the day, you can only try your best.

But as I said before, I do miss writing, so I’m hoping to make it more of a priority for me. 

Talk soon.

xo Michelle 

-<3-