Love Conflicted- Chapter 5

Previously on Love Conflicted…LC poster

Read Part 4 HERE

Maggie’s apartment is a little brighter somehow. Maybe it’s because the shades are finally open or maybe it’s the presence of a friend to hold her hand during this heartbreaking time. Lily sits aside her on the couch.talking

Maggie: I don’t know Lil, something in me just can’t comprehend this. I feel like it’s not real. Half the time I can’t even get out of bed, and when I do well this is what I look like. It’s indescribable, how bad this hurts.

Lily knowingly nods and takes her friend’s hand.

Lily: Why don’t we take a walk? I’ll buy you lunch. The fresh air and carbs will do you good.

Maggie:(shrugging) Ok. Yea.

Lily: Yea?

Maggie: I’ve been living off of cereal. So…

Lily: Well then I think it’s time we change that, huh? Come on. I got ya.

Lily pulls Maggie into a side hug and leads her toward the door.walking

Maggie and Lily walk down the street toward a little coffee house. Its mid-day approaching night fall. People are walking about; busy and having places to go and people to see. Maggie hasn’t seen outdoors let alone any actual sunlight in a week. Her mind is still housing an out of body foggy feeling. But she can’t deny that it did feel good to be out. Maggie breathes in the fresh air, as her heart beats a little steadier having a friend in this.[1]

Lily ushers her into the coffee house, but as she does something wills her to take a scan of her surroundings. She notices a few parked cars, all vacant except one. She thinks for a brief second that it’s odd but then returns her attention to Maggie as they walk into the coffee house.

Coffee houseLily and Maggie are seated. And have ordered some Paninis and coffee.

Maggie looks around her eyes adjusting to the world again.

“Could she even do something like that, adjust to a world that Ricky is no longer a part of?”  She thinks, as she sips her coffee.

Maggie: You know even so, even after I got that call, I still felt…I feel  like he’s somehow still out there, and I know that sounds crazy but-

Lily: I don’t think it sounds crazy at all. In fact maybe he is. I mean you guys always had a really intense connection. You could always tell what was going on with him. Besides who is this Ian person anyway, who’s to say he’s telling the truth. Maybe there’s more to the story.

Maggie: Oh I know for a fact that there’s more to the story. He just can’t…or won’t tell me it. But please god let’s not go there. Please don’t put false hope in my head. I can’t lose him a second time.

Lily: Ok, ok. I know. I’m sorry. I’m just saying if you feel something, maybe there’s a reason. What does your heart tell you?

Maggie: (tearing up) That Ricky and I were nowhere near done. He’s the love of my life. (She shrugs) The time we spent apart, me trying to fight it, it was all useless. It was a waste of time, time I could have spent with him.

Lily takes her friend’s hand from across the table, and she smiles showcasing her true empathy.

Lily: I’m so so sorry that you’re going through all of this. I wish I could change it for you.

Maggie: You know I kept thinking why was I so calm about waiting to find out if I was really pregnant. I just kept putting it off. And you know not knowing is not my thing.

Lily: Yea, you’re not exactly a fly by your seat kind of girl. (She takes a sip of her coffee)

Maggie:(shaking her head) No, not at all. But the more I kept putting it off, the more I began to realize that it wasn’t because I was scared of it being positive…or scared of choosing to be with him, quite frankly my heart already chose him for me…I love him. I was scared that it wouldn’t be positive. And it wasn’t. I would have been ok with it being positive…I would have been more than ok with having a baby with him. I wanted that life…and not just in general… but with him. I always have. And now I’m never going to get to have that. And I wish I was pregnant, now more than ever, because then at least I’d have a piece of him with me forever. And maybe that sounds selfish but-

Lily: It doesn’t.

Maggie: I just- I can’t-

Lily moves over to the other side and hugs her friend tighter.

Maggie: (crying harder, and wiping her tears from her cheeks) I just keep thinking, did he know…I mean did he really know how much I love him?

Lily: He knew. Anyone who got the rare chance to catch a glimpse of your relationship, could tell. Trust me, he knew. And he loved you just the same.

The-Vampire-Diaries-3x14-Dangerous-Liaisons-HD-Screencaps-caroline-forbes-28981119-1280-720[1]Through the coffee house window, sits a man in a parked car, watching way more intently than any normal bystander should. The same car and man from before. He looks like he’s on a mission and upon comforting Maggie in her time of need, Lily takes notice. The man looks away.


Lily: Hey, why don’t I take you back home, ok? It’s getting late, you should rest.

Maggie: Yea I think I’ve had enough of the world for today. (She laughs with little amusement)

Lily leaves money on the table and ushers her friend out. As they leave Lily notices the car and the man inside are gone. She drapes her arm over Maggie’s shoulder and walks her home.

side hug

Lily is returning from dropping Maggie off at home and notices the same car from the coffee house is parked this time right across from Maggie’s building, adjacent to her apartment window.

Inside the car sits a man, talking on a cell phone, the conversation seems rather heated.

“She’s not alone, her friend came over…a blonde. No she’s not okay. No, she’s a mess. What do you expect? Whatever…look-”

Lily stops and stares at the car. She couldn’t hear what the man was saying but she had a feeling he’d been watching her and Maggie. And Lily was not about to let that cleavage

Lily walks over to the car and knocks hard on the window. The man gets startled and hangs up his phone quickly.

He rolls his window down, peering up at Lily.

“Can I help you?” He says.

Lily leans down, and comes face to face with a handsome, blue eyed man. Lily smiles brightly, her cleavage just enough to divert the man’s attention for a second.

normal_Revenge416-2456[1]Lily: (noticing) Eyes up here buddy.

The man slightly embarrassed, mentally kicking himself for being so obvious locks eyes with hers.

(Laughs) “Can I help you?” He repeats.

car window

Lily: Yea, you can…why the hell are you following my friend?

The man looks shocked at her clever eye.

Lily: Because I have to tell you if you’re supposed to be discreet, you’re doing a really shitty job. I spotted you from the minute I came over to visit her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lily: (glares at him) You’re never going to get rid of me with that lie.

“Look I can’t say anything-I’m just doing my job. There are serious things going on. I’m just trying to keep your friend safe.”

Lily: You’re Ian…aren’t you?

The man looks at her, unsure of what to say.

tumblr_n1vi73F5d11rjqfn9o8_500[1]Lily: (smiles flirtatiously) Your silence speaks volumes.

Even when she’s being bossy, Lily had this way of being sexy. The man remains tightlipped, which only frustrates Lily more. She huffs, opens the car door and gets in the passenger seat. The man looks at her in even more shock than when she first called him out.

car talk 2Lily: Let’s pretend I actually believe you. If you are this Ian person, that means you know what actually happened to Ricky. And in all honesty just the fact that little old me was enough to rattle your cage and throw you off your game, speaks for itself. If you ask me, I think there’s more to this story.

“With all due respect but I didn’t ask you,” He says.

Lily: (smiles) Minor Detail. (She shrugs) If you think I’m going to let you off the hook, without sharing, you are seriously mistaken handsome. But don’t worry I know how to keep a secret.

He looks at her…dumbfounded…yet again. This girl has some guts. I could be a psycho, He thinks.

Ian: (sighs heavily) My name is Ian. I work with Ricky. And I really am just trying to keep an eye on Maggie. There are a lot of unresolved things going on right now, and while you’re sitting here distracting me, she could be in danger.

Lily: (narrows her gaze) Fine, get back to work then. Maybe be a little more stealth about it, huh? Don’t need you drawing any extra attention, to an already delicate situation. But remember I’m onto you. And if you think I’m leaving Maggie alone tonight, you’ve got another thing coming. I don’t trust you for shit.

Ian: I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re smart not to.

Lily steps out of the car and turns to walk away, but stops.

Lily: (bends down to peer through the window again) Do you work or did you work with Ricky? Because you said and I quote “I work with Ricky,” as in present tense.

Ian: An oversight. I guess it’s been hard adapting. I’m sure your friend Maggie has made mistakes like that over the past week.

Lily: Hmmm? Interesting. Men in the CIA are always so keen, so on their game, their attention to detail can be astounding.

Ian is shocked at her knowledge. Lily was the only friend who knew about Ricky’s secret life. Lily was also the only one who got to truly witness how in love Ricky and Maggie really were. The rest of the world thought they were just casual acquaintances. It took work, but they both gave it their all, because they knew it was worth it, just to be together.

Ian: Can being the operative word. Loss will affect anybody, anytime, anywhere.

Lily: Maybe.

normal_Revenge416-2431[1]Ian: Besides, information like that in the wrong hands (he shrugs, looking her over) can be dangerous. You know a little too much, bright eyes.

Lily: Are you threatening me? Or flirting with me?

Ian: Neither. Or maybe both. Or maybe just the latter. (He smirks) I’ll leave it up to your interpretation. But don’t worry, I’ll keep my eye on you too, just in case.

Lily: (laughs sarcastically) Oh I bet you will. But I’d rather take my chances defending myself, you’retumblr_inline_mw9wffWYW51qfmnua[1] not exactly doing the best job. And in case you haven’t noticed I can handle myself pretty well.

Ian: Oh I’ve noticed. I guess I just wasn’t trained to deal with beautiful distractions.

Lily: Hmm, I guess not. Word of advice never underestimate the best friend, she’s always the one you need to get through first.

Ian: (smirking) I wouldn’t think of it.

Lily walks away back toward Maggie’s apartment and Ian’s eyes wander after her. His phone rings.

Ian: Hello?…Yea we may have a problem. I just met the blonde, she’s feisty that’s for sure….and did I mention that I can’t believe you’re making me do this…

tumblr_ne2ikuxL1a1tjodfqo1_500[1]In a darkened motel somewhere unnoticeable, sits a shadowy figure in a chair. A hand reaches for a nearby lamp, turning it on, Ricky’s face comes into view.

tumblr_mwq04o7S6O1qax2xho1_250[1]Ricky: I see you’ve met Lily. She’s a good friend. Don’t worry about her. Just a little while longer, and it’ll all be over…but until then, keep my girl safe. I’m trusting you. She means everything to me. (he says looking at a picture of he and Maggie from his wallet.)

tumblr_nk78h6LEta1tkuq2lo1_500[1] micky pic 3

To be continued…

 Did you think I’d actually leave you hanging?

Of course Ricky’s ALIVE!





#SpoilerAlert? 😉

Did you enjoy meeting Ian?

Nick Wechsler is my #dreamcast

Nick Wechsler is my #dreamcast “Ian”

lily and ian

Ian & Lily


For those keeping up with Love Conflicted, I just want to quickly clue you in on my plans for posting the duration of the story. In order to preserve the momentum and give you the best story I can give you, I’m going to take a break from posting for this story. I post as I write (it works for me) and it’s just kind of coming out of me and flowing, but I don’t want the next few parts to be forced or rushed. I’m not quite sure how I want things to go from here. So I’m gonna take some time to finish it and then I will post accordingly. Thanks so much for reading! I will have some other fun stuff for you guys to read in the meantime. And please feel free to tell me what you think in the comments below, or follow me on twitter and let’s chat there! Tell me, tell me all the things 😉 Keep writing and keep feeling all the feels you lovely humans!

Twitter: @shellbelle91

 ** I do not take credit for any gifs, or any images used in my edits or otherwise. **



Love Conflicted-Chapter 4

Previously on Love Conflicted…

Read Part 3 HERELC poster


The apartment is dark. To the naked eye, you cannot be sure what time of day it really is. The curtains are drawn. The lights are off. There is a silence unlike any other. Oddly enough the only sound that can be heard is the ticking of her wall clock in the kitchen, and the beeping of the landline signally she has a voice message.

Maggie lays on her bed staring up at the ceiling fan spinning slowly above her.

Losing herself in time as it ticks by; minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day.

It’s been a week since she heard the news about Ricky and digesting that reality still hasn’t happened for her. She feels it never will.

Riddling her mind with what if’s and happy memories. Last moments and conversations.

“What was the last thing I ever said to him?” She thinks.

Maggie sits up. She makes her way, begrudgingly into the kitchen. Her movements are sluggish at best, and she seems to be in a fog. The only literal comparison to such behavior would be the acts of a zombie.

The kitchen comes into view, as Maggie finally reaches into her fridge and sets to eating her first meal in days.

It’s as if in all the heartbreak, she’s withdrawn from life.

Maggie’s house phone begins to ring….and ring…and ring.

She pays no mind to it as she continues to eat her bowl of cereal. The only thing she could muster up “making.”

Her voice mail cuts into the silence.

“Hi it’s Maggie, leave me a message, if you want, or if you don’t, that’s cool too, bye.”


“Hi Mags, it’s Lily again. I haven’t heard from you for quite a bit and you’re not one to disappear on us. The boss has been asking why you haven’t been to work. I assume you’re sick or something. That stomach flu thing has been going around. Anyway I’m worried about you, please just give me a call back.”

Maggie’s job and her friends have been leaving countless messages, wondering where she’s been.

Maggie finishes up her cereal and throws her bowl in the sink, she then slinks back to her bed. And curls up into a ball, drowning herself in her comforter, much like the drowning her heart feels since losing Ricky so suddenly.

Maggie’s cellphone buzzes for the millionth time, it seems. She glances over to it, as it sits on her bedside table.

Maggie reaches for it and goes to her picture gallery, instinctually.

As she scrolls through her pictures, memories of Ricky overpower her. But she doesn’t care; she needed to see him, see them together. She needed to feel close to him.

maggie and ricky pic

micky 4

micky 5

micky 7

micky 8

micky 9

micky 10

micky 11

micky 12

micky 13

micky kiss 2

micky kiss

micky pic 2

micky pic 3

bed micky

She tears up and then comes across a video. She hits play.

camera vid


Ricky comes into Maggie’s living room, shirtless, and holding a cup of coffee.

Maggie: Sleeping beauty is finally up! Good morning my love.maggie bed

It’s evident that Ricky feels at home there, with Maggie.

It’s evident that their relationship was a very serious one.

Ricky: What are you doing? Are you video-ing me?

Maggie is off screen, just the voice behind the camera phone.


Maggie: (laughs) Yes.

Ricky: Aww man, why?

Maggie: Because you’re cute.

Ricky: Oh really? You think I’m cute?

Maggie: Yup.

Ricky: Well I think you’re cuter.

Maggie: Oh. Just cute?

Ricky: (pretends to think about it as he walks closer to her.) I think you’re sexy. How bout that? Does that work for you?

Maggie: Maybe.

Ricky: (flirtatiously) Shut that thing off and come here.

Maggie: (giggles) No.

Ricky: (glares at her) Yes. Come here.

Ricky starts walking toward the cameratumblr_mzzbxdb3Yc1qc2poho3_250[1]

Maggie: You’re gonna have to catch me first.

Maggie laughs backing away.

Ricky laughs following her.

Ricky: Girl, you know I will chase you, come here!

She shrieks, trying to run but he grabs her.

The camera phone knocks onto the couch and it’s angled to the ceiling.

You hear him kiss her as she laughs.

The video cuts there.

Maggie stares at the video, tears streaming down her face.

She gets up out of bed and walks into her living room.

“He was just here. He was so young and full of life. He was so loving. He was the love of my life. And I miss him terribly.” She thinks.

Maggie sits on her couch and hugs a pillow close to her, looking around, remembering the events after that video cut off.

She cries until her eyes run dry. Lately that’s nothing new for her.

Her house phone rings again…straight to voicemail, as usual.

“Hey it’s Lily,… for the hundredth…probably millionth time, are you as sick of receiving these messages as I am of leaving them. I’m coming over.”

Maggie covers herself with a blanket and drifts off to sleep.

It seems like these days, sleep is her only escape. And even then Ricky finds his way into her dreams.

A little while later, a knock is heard at her door.

Maggie huffs and drags herself over to it.

She opens the door to find her best friend and co-worker; Lily.tumblr_m06ua6dNoW1r8un78o1_250[1]

Lily: Oh my god, so you are alive! Where the hell have you been? I have been worried sick!

Lily takes one look at a puffy eyed, raggedly dressed Maggie and knows something is wrong.

tumblr_noboa0kmJj1sikj1co7_500[1]Lily: Oh no. What happened?

Maggie: Ricky’s dead. And I thought I was pregnant with his child, but turns out, I’m not.

Lily looks dumbfounded.

To be continued…

* I do not take credit for any images used in my edits or otherwise,

nor do I take credit for any gifs used.*

P.S. I apologize for my crappy manips, haha, I tried!…I needed some visuals of these two together because I think they would be stunning onscreen together! 😉 And I felt like Candice Accola is the perfect “best friend” so she’s my #dreamcast “Lily.”


Watch Her Walk Away

This short is gonna be a little loud, a little different. It’s not my typical heartfelt take on love. It’s a wee bit more bitter and I definitely use some explicit language here. But I still think there is an heir of inspiration deep within the bitter-field. 😉 What is a writer if not adaptable to all emotions? This one is frustration and angst. Enjoy the ride. And if it’s not your cup of tea, come back next week and I’ll have something nice and fluffy and full of love for ya.


So here we go…this is

watch her walk away poster

– A Short Story about a girl named Sarah and a boy named Clay and what happens when she learns she finally has her chance to say all the things she never got to…

meet clay and sarah

Sarah walks aimlessly down a New York City street.

She just bought her favorite cup of tea.

Decaf green with some lemon and honey for zing.

The sun is shining, her favorite soundtrack is playing in her ears.

Something fun loving, soft, soulful… but earthy as hell.

The kind of song you just get feel good vibes from.

The kind of song that will make you want to “dance in the street” while everyone on that street is watching.

It’s one of those days where your soul feels rejuvenated and all is right in the world.

And there’s a spring in your step and you don’t quite know why?

Sarah’s outfit is on point.

Her hair managed to cooperate this morning and she had just enough time to throw on some makeup.

It’s a rare occurrence.

But she’s convinced herself she doesn’t need it.

And she doesn’t.

No girl does.

As she saunters her way down the street random faces buzz her by.

And she is feeling like she finally has her shit together.

At least for today.

Then something wills her to stop.

A stare.

A feeling.

And she stills and turns toward the adjacent block.

She notices someone looking at her from across the way.

She squints.

She doesn’t recognize the person, but it is a man.

He waves.

She looks behind her, to find no one else returning his greeting.

He must be waving at me then she decides.

She looks back and waves in confusion, still unable to make out his face, damn near sighted-ness.

The man smiles and crosses the street coming over to meet her.

Just then Sarah realizes who it is and she turns away for a beat.

Her heart starting to beat faster.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Sarah: (to herself) Ok you have two choices here Sarah. Either you can run and you’ll always wonder, or you can stand your ground and face him.

Clay: Hey gorgeous! (He smiles coming up behind her) It’s been a while.

Sarah: (whipping around) It has. (She grins through a fake smile)

Clay: How the hell are you?

Sarah: I’m sorry, are we really gonna stand here and do this?

Clay: (in confusion) Do what?

Sarah: Act like it’s actually nice to see each other. Just because we happen to be on the same planet, living in the same city, and walking on the same street, doesn’t mean it has to be acknowledged.

Clay: Then why wave back? Why not just keep walking?

Sarah: Because I didn’t know who you were. And I was being polite.

Clay: You always did forget your glasses. (He laughs shaking his head)

Sarah: Oh just don’t.

Clay: Don’t what?

Sarah: Do this. This trip down memory lane. Don’t Clay…You were an asshole.

Clay: I know.

Sarah: And you hurt me.

Clay: I know that too.

Sarah: And then you left.

Clay: That was a mistake.

Sarah: Ironically enough it was the best mistake you ever made.

Sarah turns on her heel and walks away.

Clay: (calling after her) What does that mean?

Sarah: (turning back toward him) It means I’m free. I’m finally free. (She throws her hands up and laughs)

Clay: (in confusion) Free from what?

Sarah: You. After all this time I have wracked my brain trying to understand you, understand your side of it. Why you did what you did, and how you did it? But now seeing you I realize I don’t fucking care. I don’t give a fuck. And that is fucking liberating. So fuck you Clay. Fuck you and your condescending bullshit, and your misogynistic ways, and fuck your inability to grow the fuck up.

Clay: Sarah I-

Sarah: I’m gonna walk away now and you can watch me.

Clay stares after her dumbfounded

Sarah: Have a nice life…fucktard! (Throwing her middle fingers in the air as she glides off in perfect contentment.)

post-18785-Emma-Stone-middle-finger-stj4[1] post-18785-Emma-Stone-giving-finger-angry-ogH6[1]

Crushed it. Sarah thinks as she walks away.

Sometimes in life, you just need to have a sense of humor and say, “F*ck it.” 😉

-The End-

Emma & Adam; #dreamcasting

Emma & Adam; #dreamcasting

*I do not take credit for the images used in my edits or otherwise.*

*******QUICK BLOG NOTE! *******

Ok just wanted to say, for anyone keeping up with the “Love Conflicted” short I have been posting I was in the process of editing Part 4 (to be posted today,) but apparently this little sassy tidbit had been scheduled ahead of time and I forgot. So please enjoy “Watch Her Walk Away” instead. I will be back with the continuation of “Love Conflicted” next week; Monday. But feel free to catch up while you wait! 😉

Enjoy your holiday weekend! And keep writing, and keep feeling all the feels you lovely humans!

LC poster

Part 4 Coming Soon!


Love Conflicted- Chapter 3

Previously on Love ConflictedLC poster

Read Part 2 HERE

Maggie paces her apartment in worry. It’s midnight and she hasn’t heard from Ricky since he left her earlier that morning for a job assignment. It’s been hours.

Maggie looks at her phone for the hundredth time. She dials his number yet again.

Maggie: Hi. Me again. Look I realize you are probably used to me not answering my phone and I get it. Maybe you are just trying to give me a piece of my own medicine. But here’s the thing. I’m kind of freaking out here, Ricky. This isn’t like you. It’s been hours since I last saw you, or heard from you. And you said you’d be over later. And I know you left to take care of something and I’m just, I’m really worried. Please call me back. I need to know you’re okay. I love you.

Maggie hangs up and rushes to the bathroom. She vomits into the toilet. Maggie sinks back onto the bathroom floor, leaning against the tub. Her eyes wonder over to the trashcan. She leans over to it and pulls it to her. Reaching into it, Maggie pulls out her pregnancy test. She takes a deep breath and flips it over.

-One bar- is clearly shown on the pregnancy test.

Maggie: It’s negative? she says confused

Before she has time to process her new revelation, Maggie’s phone begins to ring. She hurries to answer it.

The number is unknown.

“This has to be him,” she thinks.Haley-haley-james-scott-30606865-245-169[1]

Maggie: Hello? Ricky? Where are you?

Ian: Hello, is this Maggie?

Maggie: (heart stops) Who is this?

Ian: Ma’am, my name is Ian. I work with Ricky.

Maggie: Ok… well where is he? Is he okay?

At this point a million things are running through Maggie’s mind. Her stomach is in knots. Her heart is pounding. A nervous chill sweeps over her entire body. Something isn’t right, she could feel it. When it comes to Ricky, she could always feel if he was in some kind of trouble.

Ian: Ma’am I’m incredibly sorry to have to tell you this, but-

Maggie: But what? (she begins to shake)

Ian: Ricky was in the middle of an assignment and he was in an accident.

Maggie: What kind of accident?

Ian: I’m not in liberty to disclose that information.

Maggie: What the hell does that mean? You called me. I need to know what happened to my boyfriend!

Ian: All I can tell you is that he didn’t make it. I am sorry.

Maggie: What- no. No. You can’t tell me that. You can’t just say he had some sort of accident. An accident implies that it wasn’t intentional. Something tells me in your line of work everything is intentional. So you tell me what happened right now! Where is he?

Ian: I’m sorry. I just can’t. My sincere apologies for your loss. Ricky was one hell of a partner.

Ian hangs up.

Maggie is speechless.

She sits there in silent sobs as she crawls into a ball on her bathroom floor, her heart breaking into millions of tiny pieces.


To be continued…


I know this was a short one, but don’t fear, we’re building up here. 😉

  * I do not take credit for any images used in my edits or otherwise, or any gifs used. *


Love Conflicted- Chapter 2

Previously on Love ConflictedLC poster

Read Part 1 HERE

Maggie walks into her apartment, closes the door and breathes a sigh of relief.

Leaning against her front door, she reaches into her purse and pulls out a bag.

Taking out a box; a pregnancy test box.

Maggie sighs walking into the bathroom.


Maggie stands in her bathroom facing her mirror, even she doesn’t know how to feel, even she can’t read her own expression.

And now she waits. Looking at her phone, the timer she set counts down;

2:58, 2:57, 2:56…

In 3 minutes…

In just about 3 minutes her life is either going to be catastrophically complicated OR it’ll go back to some sort of normalcy.

“Who am I kidding, my life is already complicated,” Maggie thinks.

She glances at her phone again.

1:58, 1:57, 1:56…

“Deep breaths, just take deep breaths,” Maggie thinks and she breathes in and out, slowly trying to calm her obvious nerves.

Before she knows it Maggie notices her timer ticking rapidly down…

10, 9, 8, 7…

“It’s like the most bizarre New Year’s countdown you’ll ever see,” Maggie thinks.

“Great make jokes,” she scolds herself internally.

Her phone timer goes off. It’s time. Her fate awaits.

Maggie stills.

She picks up the pregnancy test and looks at her reflection in the mirror.

“I feel like I should be crying. Like I should be sad or…something.” She thinks.

Maggie: Stop overanalyzing and just look at the damn thing. (she says out loud)

She goes to look at it and then stops.

Maggie: On second thought, I don’t wanna know…not tonight.

She throws her test in the trash.

Maggie gets ready for bed and sits on her bed reading a book with a cup of tea nearby.

Before she knows it, it’s morning and the sun is peeking through her curtains.

Maggie wakes up slowly, stretching her arms out above her head. She feels good. It’s a new day.

And then it hits her. The fate of her and Ricky’s relationship hangs in the balance. And the unanswered question or rather the key to her dilemma is sitting in her bathroom trashcan as we speak.

“If it’s positive all the more reason to try to make it work. OR all the more reason to stay far far away from Ricky and his dangerous life.” She thinks.

Maggie gets up and walks into her kitchen, she looks in her refrigerator and takes out some eggs, as she begins to make herself an omelet.

Maggie’s mind begins to wander, and she feels as though she’s in a fog.

How long can she put this off?

How long can her sanity take not knowing?

Maggie sits at her table finishing her breakfast.

It feels like she’s just going through the motions.

She walks toward her bathroom, with the intent to take a shower.

She gets to the door, and stops.

“Maybe I’ll go for a walk, first.” She thinks.

“You’re stalling…” She thinks again.

“No, I just need some fresh air, and while I’m out I can pick up some fresh fruit and there’s some things I need to mail, and-”

“Stallingggg!!!” She thinks again.

Maggie: Shut up. (she says out loud)

Silencing the inner fight between her heart and her head, Maggie grabs a sweater, some shoes, her keys and phone, and rushes out of her apartment.

She finds herself in a nearby park, standing near a trickling fountain. It’s early morning. It’s pretty desolate. Her eyes gloss over as she becomes absorbed in the clearness of the water. Pure. Crystal. Untouched. Then she notices the sound of the water cascading. Its peaceful. Beautiful. Simple. And she lets herself stand there. In stillness. In awe. In the unknown. Maggie is content for a minute.

Until her phone starts to ring.

She sighs pulling it from her pocket.

“Back to reality.” She thinks.

She looks at it…

Ricky calling, is displayed across the screen.

Maggie sighs and hits decline.

Displaying her background screen; a sweet picture of her and Ricky; He’s holding her close and kissing her cheek while she smiles brightly.

Maggie stares at it for a bit.

Just then she hears a familiar voice behind her.

Ricky: Declining my call, yet again? I thought we were past that.

Maggie jumps and turns around.

Ricky smiles lovingly at her.

Maggie: And I thought we were past you stalking me. (she sits on the side of the fountain)

Ricky: (laughs) Oh wow. Ouch. (he joins her)

Maggie: I need time, Ricky. What happened to me calling you when I was ready?

Ricky: I don’t know. (he shrugs, matter of factly) I miss you.

Maggie softens and looks away.

Ricky: Are you ever going to be ready? Or are you just going to leave me hanging? Waiting for you to decide if you wanna be with me?

Maggie: I-

Ricky: (gets up kneeling in front of her, taking her hands) Maggie, you have me. I am at your feet, at your beck and call, hanging on your every word, wrapped around your little finger, and any other cliché phrase that shows how whipped a guy in love can be.

Maggie: You… are not whipped.

Ricky: Try me. I’ll do whatever you want. I love you.

Maggie: Ricky I just, I haven’t decided yet.

Ricky: Wow. (he let’s go of her hands, distancing himself) It’s that difficult. What does your heart tell you? What do you want?

Maggie: I don’t know.

Ricky: (standing up) Yes you do.

The truth is Maggie deep down knew exactly what she wanted, she was just to afraid to admit it to herself never the less admit it to Ricky.

Ricky: You know I can understand you needing time if I wasn’t willing to give up my job, but I am, I am more than willing to change my entire life, the only life I’ve ever known, just so I can be with you. But if you can’t even entertain the idea that you might actually be happy with me. Then I don’t know what else I can do. You need to meet me half way here Maggie. I can’t do this myself.

Maggie: I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know ok? You come into my life out of nowhere and you make me fall for you and then you go and drop this bomb on me. I don’t know what you want from me?

Ricky: I want you.

Maggie: You say that now, but what happens when you get bored? When you realize settling down isn’t what you want?

Ricky: I have always been a one woman kind of guy Maggie. I would never hurt you.

Maggie: That’s not what I’m worried about. I know you love me, and I know how loyal you are. I’m talking about the job. You live off of the rush you get when you have to do something dangerous. You can tell me you hate what you do, but you can’t look me in the eye and say you hate how powerful you feel. And something tells me the Wall Street stock market sales department won’t fill that need.

Ricky: Maybe not. But you will. Maggie, when I’m with you, nothing else matters. I don’t need car chases, or shoot outs to get a rush. My heart flies out of my chest just being in the same room as you, or just by hearing your voice. I am in this. I am so in this. (he takes her hands in his again and pulls her up to stand with him)

Maggie looks at him, at a loss for words.

Maggie: I don’t know what to say…

Ricky: Say you’ll be with me.

Maggie: You could end up hating me, resenting me…I don’t want that.

Ricky: Maggie I have never loved what I have to do in my job. I never wanted to be the guy that crossed that line. It started off with just wanting to right other people’s wrongs. Just trying to give them the fate they deserved. And justice for the ones they hurt. But the lines between who is truly good and bad has blurred. And at this point I don’t know which way is up. I had no idea what this job would turn into. How calculating they can be, and how it can consume your life. But I do know that being around you I know the goodness people can have in them, I feel the good. Before you I didn’t know love even existed. I didn’t have anyone to share my life with. I was lost and alone and I needed direction. The only pro to my job was running into you my chance. You are my sign, my direction.  I have a chance to get out. And I wanna take it. I wanna take it and I want us to start over. We can be happy, you know we can.

Maggie: So you’re saying you want like… a real future. You and me. Like wedding rings and-

Ricky: Marriage, kids, a house… hell yea.

Maggie: Ricky… before we go any further here, there’s something I need to tell you-

Ricky’s phone begins to ring.

He winces, seeing who it is, and knowing it’s not making his case any better.

Maggie: Take it.

Ricky: No, it can wait. Please continue.

Maggie: No, it’s fine. Take it.

Ricky: I’ll just be a minute.

Ricky takes the call walking off to the side.

Maggie watches him.

Ricky: Yea? … What? No… No I told you not to make a mess out of this… Who saw you? …What?… I’m on my way. Hide out until you hear from me.

Maggie is hearing his conversation.

She sees the anger etched on his face.

“How can someone who is so sweet and delicate with her turn into someone so cold and hurtful. How can he go from telling her how much he loves her and wants to start a life with her, to someone ordering another’s life to be ended?” She ponders.

Ricky hangs up and turns to Maggie.

Ricky: I’m sorry. But-

Maggie: Hey- duty calls.

Ricky: Maggie-

Maggie: No it’s ok look I get it. I haven’t given you the green light yet, so why would you get out a moment too soon.

Ricky: That’s not how it is. I just-

Maggie: Just go.

Ricky: No. You need to hear me out.

Maggie: Business is business, I get it. You can’t tell me anything anyway, so what’s the point.

Ricky rolls his eyes and grabs her hand pulling her behind some trees. He shuts off his cell phone.

Maggie: What are you doing?

Ricky: Hiding from ear shot. (he scans the area)

Ricky and Maggie are pinned against a tree, hidden from sight. Stuck in close quarters.

Maggie fidgets. Too close for Maggie’s sake or sanity.

Maggie: And the phone?

Ricky: Just in case they turn on my tracking or my spyware. They can check in anytime. (still scanning the area)

Maggie: What? (Ricky and Maggie share a moment, they lock eyes)

(shaking it off) You never told me that! Ricky! We’ve been together so many times, they definitely know who I am.

Ricky: Every time we were together, I’ve been careful.

Maggie: But we’ve done things Ricky, personal things. You’re telling me they could have phoned in at any point. They could have seen things, heard things. Wha-

Ricky: They haven’t. Trust me. I would never put you in that kind of danger. Or exploit you in any kind of way.

Maggie: But they know who I am. You can’t tell me they don’t.

Ricky: They know you’re off limits.

Maggie: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my GOD! Ricky!

Maggie starts freaking out and hyperventilating.

Ricky: Stop it! (grabs her shoulders, trying to calm her) Stop freaking out. I swear to you. You are safe with me. (takes her hands in his)

Maggie: How can you say that? How? How can you even think that? Do they know where I live?

Ricky looks at her.

Maggie: You’ve spent the night hundreds of times of course they do! Oh my god!

Ricky: Relax, it’s not you they are concerned with. It’s me. Look the timing of my exit has to be perfect. If I screw it up, they will not let me walk away without a fight. I need to make sure that everything is in order before I give my final notice. If I don’t secure a replacement, the right replacement, they will take that as an insult. Vouching for my own replacement is me giving them my assurance that I will not disclose any information to outsiders. If my exit isn’t planned perfectly my higher ups will disown me, and that in CIA terms means I’m dead.

Maggie: CIA? I thought you were just in the mob?

Ricky: No. That’s just my cover. I had to have a cover job in place so that I won’t be suspected, because otherwise I’m useless and can be used as collateral damage, should they need to spring clean.

Maggie: Spring clean?

Ricky: Knock out the old guys and bring in the newly trained young ones.

Maggie: And by knockout you mean kill?

Ricky: Pretty much.

Maggie: Thank you! By all means make my case for me! This is dangerous either way. All of it. For both of us. And anyone else… involved. (she catches herself and looks away quickly)

Ricky: (noticing) Do you want me alive or not?

Maggie: Of course I do.

Ricky: Then cut me a break here, Maggie. I am skating on thin ice just by telling you this.

Maggie: Oh my god. Is Ricky even your real name? Oh my god, I’m sleeping with a man I don’t even know!

Ricky: That’s not true. You know me. I haven’t lied to you about how I feel about you. And I haven’t lied to you about my name either. My name is Ricky. They call me by an alias name.

Maggie: Oh great. My boyfriend has an alias. Just what every girl dreams of hearing.

Ricky grabs her by the face and kisses her.

Maggie: Why’d you do that? (she says in a daze, her head all foggy)

Ricky: Because I’m your boyfriend. (he smiles)

Maggie: That just came out. I-

Ricky: Nope can’t take it back. I won’t let you. (he smirks at her and Maggie’s heart melts) Let my driver take you home, I’ll come see you later.

He kisses her on the cheek.

Maggie: Ricky…

Ricky turns back toward her.

Maggie: Be safe.

Ricky: You know I will. We have a future to plan. (he winks and walks away.)

Maggie looks after him, even more confused than before.

Ricky’s driver: Excuse me miss? Where to?

Maggie smiles faintly getting into the car.

To be continued…


What’s next for Ricky and Maggie?

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Do they have what it takes?

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* I do not take credit of any images used in my edits or otherwise, or any gifs used. *

Love Conflicted- Chapter 1

Sometimes a scene just pops into my head, with vague characters in mind and a greater storyline somewhere in my mind afar but still somewhere in there all jumbled up between to do lists and my obsession over Justin Timberlake. 😉 Never the less the idea usually revolves around some kind of love story. Because well that’s just my style, it’s where my mind and heart go. Sometimes those scenes get written and blossom into a full script. Most of the time they stay hidden in notebooks and notepads or scribbled on random sheets of paper and forgotten. I just stumbled upon this sneak peek scene recently, and I can’t even tell you when I wrote it, but I re-read it and now I’m thinking it has some promise for more. I tweaked it a bit and added a few scenes. I think it was intended to be the start of something longer, but like always I never got around to finishing it. Never the less, whether or not this turns into more, I thought I’d share.

Meet the guy “Ricky” and the meet the girl, let’s call her… “Maggie.”

Portrayed By: Jesse Lee Soffer & Bethany Joy Lenz #DreamCasting

Two people who fell for each other despite their differences and circumstances that should and probably will keep them apart. But like always life gets in the way, and things aren’t always what they seem.

I’ll call this one….


LC poster

Maggie is walking out of a drugstore, she takes a peek at her cellphone and sees a bunch of missed messages, it’s just about 9 pm.

A black discreet car pulls up alongside her, blocking her from crossing the street.

The back door opens and a hand grabs Maggie into the backseat.

Maggie is about to scream bloody murder, when a hand covers her mouth, and she hears a familiar voice.

Ricky: Shh. Hey. Hey it’s just me.

Maggie: Ricky, what the hell are you doing? Are you trying to give me a heart attack!

Ricky: No. I’m sorry. I just- I need to talk to you. And you won’t answer any of my calls.

Maggie: So you choose to kidnap me?

Ricky: I didn’t want anyone following you or us. But hey by all means, there’s the door, go. If you think you can handle things being unresolved between us, then go.

Maggie sits back in a huff.

Maggie: You have one hour.

Ricky: (smiles) Drive. (he calls to his driver)

The car speeds off.

Ricky and Maggie end up in an old abandoned house. The furniture all dusty and covered in sheets. You could hear a pin drop, the house was so quiet. It was eerie.

Maggie: What are we doing here?

Ricky: I told you, I want to talk to you.

Maggie: What else could you possibly need to say that you haven’t left on the 45 messages and texts you’ve sent me.

Ricky: Ah so you did get them?

Maggie: (rolls her eyes) We’re over, there’s nothing more I need to say. It is what it is.

Ricky: Really?

Maggie nods.

Ricky smirks and chuckles a bit looking away as he walks around the dusty old living room messing around with things as he passes them.

Maggie: So what’s with all the theatrics? Just say what you want to say and be done with it.

Ricky: Oh please, the drama…you love it… you feed off it.

Maggie: (astonished) How can you possibly say that?

Ricky: Oh, give me a break, before we happened you lived in a shell…now what you’re back with that loser you used to date, come on…you’re bored otherwise you wouldn’t be here.

Maggie: Correction, I wouldn’t be here, if you didn’t keep harassing me. Or if you didn’t abduct me off the street.

Ricky: Hey I said you were free to go. You stayed. It was your choice.

Maggie: Yea well now I’m regretting it, immensely.

Ricky: You still care, I know you do. And it’s killing you. It’s killing you to be away from me, just like it’s killing me to be away from you.

Maggie: You don’t know anything.

Ricky: (standing against the wall, lighting a cigarette) Sure I do…it’s written all over your face. (he stares at her)

Maggie: (walking toward him, her arms folded in front of her chest) Oh, so what…you think you’ve got me all figured out?

Ricky: Well let’s see…your arms are crossed over your chest which means you feel the need to protect yourself… your heart, to be more precise. But yet you’re moving closer to me…which if you ask me is a sure fire sign that you’re confused. You’re contradicting yourself. You’re not ready to give up on us. (he smiles)

Maggie rolls her eyes and laughs sarcastically.

Ricky: Ah and the sarcastic laugh, dead giveaway. It means I hit the nail on the head. The little frustrated eye roll was sexy though, points for that. (he smirks, cocking his head to the side, looking at her)

Maggie: Stop analyzing me.

Ricky: You asked. (he smiles while shrugging)

Maggie: (turning away from him) Ugh! You are just-

Ricky: (pulling her toward him) What?

Maggie: Let me go.

Ricky: Sorry. I’m just not ready.

Maggie: Well too bad, it’s really not your choice.

Ricky: That’s where you’re wrong…

Maggie: What?

Ricky: I don’t really have a choice here. I can’t stay away from you.

Ricky pulls Maggie into a kiss.

For a minute Maggie kisses him back before pushing him away, obviously annoyed.

Ricky: You really wanna know how I can read you so well?

Maggie makes a face.

Ricky: Because I happen to be in love with you. Analyzing you is my favorite past time.

Maggie: (sarcastically) Well that’s not creepy at all. (she looks away)

Ricky: Don’t do that.

Maggie: Do what?

Ricky: Act like this doesn’t mean anything. Like what I just said didn’t mean anything. Like you don’t love me back.

Maggie: (sighs) Don’t tell me what to do. You don’t get to throw around that word, not after everything I’ve heard about you, and know to be true. Not after all the things I know you’ve done. How can you honestly expect me to believe that you actually love me? That someone full of so much anger and hate could even comprehend what love is.

Ricky looks at her pained, yet confused. Didn’t she get it? He thinks.

Maggie: Just don’t say that to me.

Ricky: Why? It’s the truth. I love you.

Maggie: I can’t do this. I can’t have this conversation with you. I can’t kiss you, or be with you. I can’t act like I don’t know what I know.

Ricky: That’s fine. Stand there and lie to me, lie to yourself. Stand there and pretend, you’re good at avoiding how you feel.

Maggie: What? I avoid how I feel? You’re one to talk. You’re a cocky asshole.

Ricky: You’re cute when you get all feisty, yea that works for me.

Maggie shoots him death glare.

Maggie: God I wish I trusted my gut, when I met you. I had a feeling that told me to run in the other direction. I knew you weren’t gonna be right for me.

Ricky: So why didn’t you run?

Maggie: Because the optimist in me, thought that maybe I was wrong. But surprise surprise, I wasn’t.

Ricky: Well you know what you live and you learn.

Maggie: (shakes her head in disbelief) I guess you do.

Ricky: Oh come on, I’m kidding…

Maggie: You think this is funny?

Ricky: I think you trying to fight this is funny.

Maggie: There’s just no talking to you! I’m done.

Maggie turns, starting to walk away.

Ricky: Hey, hey. (he grabs her hand) Stop running from me, it’s only going to make me chase you faster.

Maggie: How can you possibly think that this is gonna work? We’re too different. Miles away. Worlds apart.

Ricky: I love you. And I don’t say that often, practically never. That’s how I know this is gonna work.

Maggie: Maybe that’s not enough for me to stay.

Ricky: So you don’t love me?

Maggie: (looks at him, her eyes tearing up) Of course I love you. But I believe in right and wrong. You somehow think that you and only you get to control the in between gray areas. You think you get to decide who gets to live. That’s not ok with me. That’s never going to be ok with me.

Ricky: Maggie, Maggie please. I can’t lose you. I don’t even know what I’d do if you leave me. Please just tell me there’s some way we can make this work.

Maggie: I can’t tell you how to fix this. We are who we are. And at the end of the day that puts us right back where we started. We just can’t be together.

Ricky: Maggie. I’m not going to just let you go, I’m not going to give up. You know how this is going to go. Why fight it?

Maggie: Yea I do know how this is going to go. This either ends here, now with some sort of closure, and we both can move on, or this ends with me in a body bag…caught in the crossfire.

Ricky: Don’t ever say that! I would never let that happen! I’d protect you with my life. You know that.

Maggie: And what a life, huh?

Ricky: What is that supposed to mean? I would give you whatever you want, a house, a car, anything.

Maggie: That’s not the point Ricky. None of that stuff means anything to me. I care about safety. I care about life and feeling free enough to live it. If we were to stay together I would be looking over my shoulder every second. I would be terrified that when you left you’d never come home. Your world is a world I just don’t understand. It scares me. The idea of having a life with you scares me. I’m sorry I do love you, but I just can’t be a part of this anymore.

Maggie turns to walk away yet again, but Ricky pulls her into a kiss.

Ricky: That feeling is never going to go away, Maggie. That pull you feel, it’s electric. There’s something here. We belong together.

Maggie: Maybe in another life…but not this one.

Ricky: You realize if I had a choice, I’d choose you over this life any day.

Maggie: Everyone has a choice. It may be blocked by other people’s perception and expectations, and clouded by smoke and adrenaline. But there is always a choice. It’s up to you to see it. And to make the right one. This is me making the best choice for me. Whether you make the best choice for you, is entirely up to you. (pause) Goodbye Ricky.

Ricky: I’ll get out.

Maggie stops in her tracks, slowly turning around to face him.

Maggie: They’ll kill you.

Ricky: I’d rather be dead then without you.

Maggie: But-

Ricky: No buts…This is my choice.

Maggie: Ricky…

Ricky: I choose you.

Maggie: I don’t think it’s as easy as you think…they aren’t going to just let you leave. And even if they do, you have so many enemies what makes you think they won’t come after you, after me, after- (she stops herself)

Ricky: What?

Maggie: Nothing.

Ricky: (looks her over) What aren’t you telling me?

Maggie: I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but things aren’t the same.

Ricky: What kind of things?

Maggie: Just things. Look this is just becoming a circular conversation and quite frankly it’s exhausting me and I really, I just I can’t be here anymore. (she starts to panic and Ricky notices)

Ricky: Ok ok, I’ll take you home.

Maggie: Thank you.

The car ride is silent.

Ricky’s car pulls up in front of Maggie’s Apartment.

Ricky turns to her

Ricky: Hey (he grabs her hand) it’s going to be ok.

Maggie looks at him and tries to force a smile.

He walks her up to her apartment.

Maggie: You really didn’t have to walk me all the way up here. (Taking her keys out)

Ricky: I just wanted to make sure you got in safe.

Maggie: Thanks.

Ricky looks at her, unsure how to say goodbye.

Maggie: Well it’s late, I should get in.

Ricky: (nods) Sure. Will you call me when you feel like talking?

Maggie: (Sighs) Ricky I-

Ricky: Just think about it…please?

Maggie: Ok.

Ricky: (smiles) Goodnight. (he leans in and kisses her cupping her face)

Maggie walks into her apartment, closes the door and breathes a sigh of relief.

Leaning against her front door, she reaches into her purse and pulls out a bag.

Taking out a box; a pregnancy test box.

Maggie sighs walking into the bathroom.

*Should I continue, or just leave you guys hanging? #cliffhanger 😉

Maybe I’ll make this a two parter?

Maybe a three parter?

Bethany Joy & Jesse; my #dreamcasting 😉



* I take no credit for the images used in my edits or otherwise.*

Two girls, in a coffee shop…

Two girlfriends sitting in a café sharing a couple of pastries and cappuccinos. The first let’s call her… “Curious”…the second well let’s call her “Knowledgeable.”


Curious: What does it feel like when your heart breaks into a million pieces?

Knowledgeable: Oh…you’ve never felt it?

Curious: No. Never had the pleasure.

Knowledgeable: (laughs sarcastically) Consider yourself lucky.

Curious: Why?

Knowledgeable: Because it sucks.

Curious: Well I’m sure it does. But-

Knowledgeable: Just think of feeling like things are finally going your way, falling into place and just when you let yourself believe that, your walking down the street one minute smiling and you’ve got a spring in your step and then boom the street below your feet vanishes, and your falling, and you don’t have any concept of why or what you’re gonna grab onto.

Curious: But at least you’ve been in love right? You got to be a part of something beautiful.

Knowledgeable: I wouldn’t exactly call love beautiful, it’s PAIN-ful. That’s what it is.

Curious: So this person that broke your heart…do you still love him?

Knowledgeable: (sighs) Can I plead the fifth on that one? (laughs)

Curious: Sorry.

Knowledgeable: No. Don’t be. You’re not the first person to ask me that. I just haven’t wanted to face that reality yet. So I usually lie but I don’t wanna lie to you.

Curious: Well maybe that’s because you know it was worth it. And that’s a hard concept for you to process.

Knowledgeable: What was?

Curious: The pain…was worth what you had, what you got to experience, how you got to feel about another human being. Even if it ended badly at least you know it’s out there. At least you can attest to the fact that it’s not a myth.

Knowledgeable: What? Love? Oh hunny love is a myth. At least true love is.

Curious: So what you had with this guy…it wasn’t true?

Knowledgeable: For me it was, for him probably not. That’s the painful part. Getting hurt and not knowing what happened or not knowing why. Falling in love just leaves you with a lot of questions and empty answers.

Curious: Please don’t take this the wrong way, but for someone who was once so in love, you sound really bitter and cynical about the whole concept.

Knowledgeable: I’m not. I’m just venting.

Curious: So you still believe in love?

Knowledgeable: I believe in hope, and fate and a little bit of destiny. And mixed together and baked at 350 degrees they got to be good for something right? (laughs taking a bite of her pastry)

Curious: Or maybe that guy wasn’t capable of handling how amazing you are. Maybe you just haven’t found a guy… man enough to handle you yet. (smiling at her friend)

Knowledgeable: Isn’t that the truth, (laughs and raises her coffee cup to her friend)

Both: Cheers! (the friends say as they clink their coffee cups together.)

Their gazes shift to an elderly couple sitting together on a bench just outside the café. The friends share a knowing smile.

-End Scene-


* I do not take credit for the image used. *

The Nostalgic Generation- 90’s Babies this one’s for you!


The reunion epidemic.

The Backstreet Boys

That Bogus 30 second *NSYNC reunion

The Spice Girls

Boy Meets World…Girl Meets World

Full House…Fuller House

The constant tricks of a F.R.I.E.N.DS. reunion

All making comebacks and bringing us back into a world we once treasured and still do.

Awesome? Or should we leave well enough alone.

Should stories be reinvented and revisited to fit current times or should they have ended where they did?

Just a memory.

Is this nostalgic culture hindering our plans to move forward?

 The 90’s kids have been labeled the nostalgic generation.

As a ‘91 baby, I can attest to that first hand.

The past decade has left such an imprint on my soul that it both excites and pains me to see something from that time.

Buzzfeed you get me.

Lisa Frank and Smackers lip products take on a whole new meaning to me now.

Back then they were just the cool fun thing, now they are the epitome of my childhood brought to the surface.164416_10200389704846400_855351744_n[1]


Because it brings me back there.

To something that has long since been over.

The simplicity of it.

The carefree nature of a child is untouchable.

The idea that the world is this open, honest forum to do with what you please.

This idea that you can be anything and everything you want.

No limitations.

No restrictions.

No time restraints.

No-one telling you, you can’t or you won’t make it.

Just dreams and awe.

And the possibility for anything.

The possibilities were endless.

One day maybe you’ll be a ballerina!

The next a teacher!

The day after that a ballet teacher!

The future was grand.

But now those 90’s babies are in their 20’s and the real world is kicking in and we are realizing it moves faster than we ever could have thought. And that maybe it’s not as nice as we thought either. That it’s going to take a little more than wishing on a star to make your dreams come true.

Enter the internet and boom…total chaos!

Growing up I never had a laptop. I was lucky I had a house computer.

But I would get yelled out for being on it for too long, because well you couldn’t get through to the house phone if someone was on the internet. Let’s hear it for dialup!

We didn’t have Facebook, or twitter, or instagram. We didn’t have ways of competing with our peers past the face to face contact we were forced to endure. Sometimes they were pleasant sometimes they weren’t. Some friendships last a lifetime, some don’t.

I didn’t even have my own cellphone until I got to high school, up until middle school I shared one with my mom! #firstworldproblems

It wasn’t until I was in high school that I even considered getting a Myspace.

And even then the thought of putting my life online creeped me out.

And yet a decade later here I am typing this to you, sharing my thoughts with people I don’t know.

Things really do change.

Now, if you’re not on all these platforms you’re somehow deemed irrelevant or let’s face it… a hermit.

I think change can be good, but it’s dealing with that change and accepting it that makes it hard for us to move on.

Because maybe we convince ourselves that the best years are gone.

When really we haven’t seen anything yet.

So it’s ok to feel nostalgic.

Just don’t allow yourself to dwell in it.

I really need to learn to take my own advice.

If you find yourself mourning the past, understand you’re not alone, we’re in this together.

Because there is always going to be a next chapter.

There are going to be new faces, new adventures, new locations, new things that are going to come in and out of your life.

Some may be easier to let go of then others.

Some may fight their way into your heart and stay for good.

But you will always have your memories no matter what. So take your real pictures along with your mental pictures and hold them in your heart. Because some moments you can’t catch on camera.

Because one day you’re gonna be telling your kids all about the 90’s and 00’s and maybe they’ll be into it.

And you can relive it with a fond memory with your feet rooted in the present. Because where you’ve been is important, but where you’re going is even better. Be present. And enjoy. And keep your fingers crossed for a real freakin *NSYNC reunion..(I’m never letting that one go!) 😉 #FangirlLife #SorryNotSorry


****Some pics of me in the 90’s with my best friend!****


Notice…my best friend dressed up as baby spice for Halloween…too bad I didn’t get a shot of her in her pleather shiny pink jacket.


Playing Dress Up. I was clearly getting married and she was my maid of honor. #goodtimes


Check out my paten leather BABY blue back pack…oh baby blue was a major thing! #IBlameJustinTimberlake