“Don’t Cry” – Something we should never say

Dont Cry

 

“Don’t Cry”

We say it all the time.

To infants.

To friends.

To ourselves.

I found myself holding back tears often. In fear of showing “too much” emotion. Yet as I grow older I realize the importance of allowing yourself to express those emotions. It is not good for you, for your health, for your relationships, to keep things all bottled up inside. It’s important to let them out.

“No cry.”

“Stop crying.”

I’ve caught myself and others saying this to my goddaughter.

It’s a reflex, I think. An attempt to soothe, to calm, to comfort.

We say it because we are uncomfortable in the moment, in the sadness. In seeing someone we care about dealing with that sadness or hurt.

We say it because we think we are helping. Because we don’t know what else to say.

We are indeed trying to help.

There are good intentions behind it.

But at the age of 3 now I have seen her try and stop herself from crying when she is sad, or hurt, and it’s a lesson she doesn’t need to learn. Not now. Not ever.

“Don’t cry.”

We say it all the time.

But is it right?

When we say these things, we are telling ourselves, telling others that it’s not ok to feel.

That feeling whatever it is we/they feel is wrong.

But it isn’t.

Crying is natural.

We have tear ducks for a reason, no?

It’s a bodily function.

Blame it on biology.

Or applaud it, for allowing us a form of expression.

It’s ok to cry.

It’s ok to feel whatever it is you feel.

Whether you are right or wrong, in that moment, you feel it.

And no one can change that.

No one can tell you how to feel.

Because feelings aren’t something you can always control. And that’s ok.

And I’ve learned that sometimes the tears are just going to come.

And you have to learn to be ok with that.

Screw it.

Let the tears flow.

Sure it’s awkward.

It creates some unnecessary anxiety in you.

“What will people think?”

“Oh my god, what’s wrong with me?”

“I’m a total mess.”

“I look ridiculous.”

“I can’t believe I let this happen.”

No, you can’t control it all the time.

No, you are not a mess.

You are human.

Life will go on.

You will recover.

You will be ok.

Life is going to take a toll on all of us at some time, whether you are a child or an adult.

Whether you are crying because you lost a loved one, because someone broke your heart, because you finally got that job you always wanted, or because well… you are PMSing and watching Pocahontas. #Trustory #ColorsoftheWind #GetsMeEverytime

These thoughts of uneasiness stem from that gut feeling in you that thinks you’re doing something wrong. #ThanksSociety That somehow crying in front of people means you will never recover, or that it’s the end of the world for your social life.

But everyone is human.

People understand.

And one day it’ll be your turn to comfort a friend in need.

When you let whatever hardship you’ve been harboring out you feel a sense of relief and release. Letting go of whatever it is that is troubling you.

It is OK to cry. In Public. In Private.

Cry- if you want to.

Cry- if you have to.

Cry- because you need to.

And never let anyone make you feel less because of it.

It takes just as much strength to be vulnerable in front of someone that it takes to remain “put together” all the time.

Strength isn’t void of feeling.

It’s allowing yourself the space and time to go through the emotions you need to feel.

Once you do, you’ll feel a little bit lighter.

Cry like it’s your party and you want to.

-<3-

*I do not take credit for any images or gifs used.*

 

 

Is vulnerability a bad thing?

vulnerability-sign1[1]

There are things in life, I think we all have difficulties dealing with.

That urge to feel loved and accepted. Wanting to feel understood. Wanting to feel like our thoughts matter.

Starting a new journey in life. A new school, a new job, a new relationship.

Dealing with things that scare you. Fear can be crippling.

Anxiety, stress, depression. Death.

It is human nature to feel overwhelmed when your world dims and you feel like you’re slipping into darkness.

And when that happens it is also human nature to feel your feelings. To cry, to be angry, to want to yell and scream and stomp around like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

But what stops us from doing so?

Fear of being judged for feeling. For succumbing to life’s deepest heartaches.

I hate crying in front of people. I hate showing my deepest worries. Sometimes I feel like it’s a bother to others around me, or a sign that I’m not strong enough to handle what life has handed me.

For some reason we’ve been conditioned to feel ashamed of our emotions. To feel that if we somehow lay our cards out on the table for people to see, that somehow that makes us weak. So we hide it, or we let it all out in private.

I’m starting to try to let go of that. I’m trying to embrace the emotions and the feelings I have at the moment, and just ride that wave and cry it out. You’d be surprised how the weight that you’ve been carrying gets a little lighter after you’ve talked to someone, and had a good cry. The downsides are sometimes a splitting headache, puffy red swollen eyes, and the emotional drain and feelings of fatigue. However, sometimes it’s just the price you have to pay for an emotional release.

It’s been said that to be strong for someone else you have to be a rock. You have to hold in your emotions so that you can be there for them, because it isn’t about you. It’s about being there for them, and showing support. Letting them do all the crying while you just continue being the shoulder they need to lean on.

Are we robots? Are we not supposed to feel for someone going through a difficult time?

Sometimes no matter how hard you try your emotions will come, and if you are pushing them down so far, they will just build up until you explode.

I’ve carried this notion around with me for almost my whole life. That the best thing you can do to support someone in their time of need is to lock up your heart and keep it together.

Pull yourself together girl.

But as human beings isn’t it natural to feel for others. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. To feel what someone else is feeling. To be there with them. To cry with them. To put yourself in their shoes and to understand their pain. I don’t think tears are a sign of weakness, in fact I think it’s a sign of how strong we all are. How we can cry and get it all out and then somehow manage to pull ourselves back up and continue this journey of life.

Life isn’t easy. It is filled with scary what ifs and sometimes they overcast their darkness on what should be a beautiful experience. Life is meant to be lived and yet we get caught up in the fear. The fear of the unknown. Wondering what the next day would bring or what our futures held for us, used to be an exciting notion. As kids we’d dream about what we’d be when we’d grow up, and how our lives could be so grand. Dreams were at our finger tips.

So what changed? Why has society allowed simple human beings to feel as though being vulnerable is a bad thing? Because if you ask me, if we were all more honest and forth coming with our emotions the world would be a much more simpler, and happier place. We’d be happier.

Sure wearing your heart on your sleeve isn’t always going to work out. Sometimes you’ll get your heart-broken, sometimes the people you trust can disappoint you and may not react the way you’d like them to. But risking it can be worth it. Because in your heart of hearts you’ll know you were honest. You were human. It takes courage to be brave and show your heart.

So the next time you feel like the world is getting the best of you, don’t be afraid to feel it. Don’t be afraid to show it, or to cry it out. I know its taboo and it’s hard to be so vulnerable in front of others. But if you show who you are to people, they may just show you who they are. Your family and your friends care about you, and I am sure they only want to help you. Showing them your vulnerable side may just bring you all that much closer. It also may give them the freedom to feel like they can confide in you when they feel they need someone to talk to. There can be something so beautiful and inspiring about transparency. I’ve had so many candid, uncensored conversations with friends about real things, and I’ve never walked away regretting being vulnerable with them. Because I found that in way, we all deal with similar things.

It’s a slow process; learning that it’s ok to be vulnerable. I know. I am still working on it myself. And I still find that I stifle my emotions at times. But I’m learning that you don’t always have to do that. You can’t control how you feel. You should never have to feel like what you’re feeling is wrong. No one can ever tell you how to feel. They are your feelings. So own them.

*I’ll leave you with this for some inspiration… ❤

-<3-

*I do not take credit for any music, links, or images used.*