I know it’s been quite a minute since I posted last. I just have had so much going on, and to think about sticking to my regular posting routine was exhausting, and yet impossible at times. But today, is a nice quiet Sunday that I am finally able to get to all the things I’ve been having to put off. So productive! And I am super happy!
Between the holiday season, planning for the weddings I am in, work, and my beautiful baby niece being born- my usual day to day has been thrown off course and this blog has been- neglected, sad to say.
I had big plans for October/November! I had posts I wanted to write and I was even thinking about editing a potential Fall themed vlog of all the clips I took checking off things from my Fall Bucket List. But it just hasn’t been feasible.
And on top of all of that, I just realized I’m having some technical issues with my computer battery and my WordPress account in general, which have really hindered my posting options as well. I have some updates to do regarding the site, since I have run out of my image memory on here. So I need to do a bit of research and decide what my next step will be regarding the michelle leigh writes update plan.
So in the mean time, I am going to still try to post on here when I can. Just been dealing with a lot of changes and need to get my life back on track, lol. I know many of you can definitely relate! 😉 Just know that I am not going anywhere. I still have a lot to say!
There are often so many areas of life we feel we need to be good at all the time. And often times we struggle trying to make that happen. It’s impossible. You can do anything but not everything. You can be anything, but you can’t be everything, to everyone, all the time. If you try to, you will break.
As the summer comes to an end, the self-bashing comes for not doing half of the things I wanted to. Summer is kind of like New Year’s Eve in that way, don’t you think? We make so many promises to ourselves and then life happens.
I’ve been really thinking about my relationship with video and film making. And because of this, I’ve learned a few things. I wanted to get really real with myself about this topic. To back track just a bit, I have a Bachelor of Arts degree. I studied Mass Communications with a concentration in Film and Broadcasting. The dream-the goal- to write for television. And yet when I look at all the video projects I’ve actually finished…the total number is not many. Many unfinished scripts/ideas for scripts collecting dust too!
Back in college, I had to do a few projects- one was a music video which I did for The Civil War’s Poison & Wine and the other was a concept video which was about throwing away stereotypes- it was very abstract and I titled it “Tearing Down The Label Makers.” It’s crazy because I feel like the message holds even more relevance today. Then I worked on my thesis which as you may know was a documentary about a day/or days in the life of my Grandmother who had been struggling with Alzheimer’s disease. I did two versions of that for two separate classes- one was the full version, and one was an abridged trailer version entitledVai Com Deus.
“Poison & Wine” Video Shoot-
“Tearing Down The Label Makers” Video Shoot-
Neither the music video nor the concept video have been uploaded to YouTube, although considering these two were my very first video projects I am still very proud of how they came out and the messages behind them. I’m seriously considering sharing them. Providing the actors give their permission for me to do so, actually I’m pretty sure I had them all sign release forms!
During my college years I also attempted to shoot a script I wrote called Dumb Luck. A lot of time and production went into that but, it never got finished and the footage has been difficult to revive since my college computer died on me and I’ve gotten a new one. I am hoping to revive that and get that up, it’s super raw, and you can definitely tell I was just starting out but the story is juicy. We only got to shoot the montage sequence. But a few years ago I shared the script, if you’d like to read that…click HERE.
“Dumb Luck” Prop Pictures
“Vai Com Deus” process-
Since I graduated I’ve done a few little side projects that are actually finished- I shot a yoga video for my cousin, a poetry video for MLW- to name a few and a couple of vlogs. The vlogs are less planned and less cinematic of course.
Yoga Video Shoot (Behind the Scenes) (this is not available to watch, even though she was happy with the result-the video was for a school assignment and my cousin didn’t want it uploaded.)
“Secret” Society Video Shoot/Vlogs (Behind the Scenes)
Then there are more video attempts- there are bits of footage shot for a zombie horror short that my brother and I had been working on. We even got as far as building a timeline of the clips in editing, but then…life. Life came in, things got busy, I got distracted and something else needed my attention.
“Inhumane” process- (Behind the Scenes)
Its 4 years now since I graduated and it seems that every time I get close to the idea of shooting something- I may do well for a brief time but then cue the rut.
The other day I was going through some old paperwork and things, trying to organize my room and I came across some old scripts and video treatments/storyboards. Both were horror related. One was the zombie short titled Inhumane, the other titled Head Over Heels (which I think would be a bad ass Halloween upload). And when I see these scripts and how the planning process was beginning it makes me want to get back into video. But then I hit a wall and the reality sinks in. There’s just no realistic way. For the past-I want to say 2 years- I have been well involved/invested in the engagements, weddings, bridal/baby showers of many people that are very close to me. And I have had to really dedicate my time and my funds to them. When I think about doing something short/simple- I think how I don’t have the actors, or the equipment, to do so.
I know I’ve mentioned this before, my brother is a photographer and he has a lot of equipment that I’ve used in the past. But I’m very weird about using it, mostly because he’s very particular about it, lol. And I get nervous I’ll do something wrong! And so because of that I am very weird about asking him for help. I feel like it’s a burden, especially now that he is newly married and he and his wife are expecting their first child. Even though he has been hounding me to get back into shooting Inhumane, I know he simply doesn’t have the time, we don’t have the people, and quite honestly there are just so many other things I’d love to shoot instead. #HeadOverHeels #MysteriousAttractionTeaser
I also don’t have the best sound equipment or the best editing software either so it’s kind of like a million things weighing against me. I think about how people would perceive the work I put out. “Didn’t she go to school for film and video? This sucks!” That’s how I feel they would judge it. Along with all the other worries, I fear I may not be good enough at it.
I know this may seem like I’m complaining and I’m not. I don’t want pity. I understand that life is fast paced and ever changing. I love being asked to be part of special moments in people’s lives. People who mean the world to me. But sometimes when everything seems to happen all at once it can be very overwhelming. And we all know that I can get overwhelmed pretty easily and my anxiety definitely tends to spike a lot more when too much change is happening.
I just think that in life you often have to prioritize and these things in my life have been coming one after the other and they need special attention. I’m the type of person who really wants to show up for you on your special day/during your special time. My relationships with my family and friends are everything to me. And so I give 150% every time. (Or at least I really try too!)
With my bank accountant taking some serious hits over the past few years, lol-so has my time management skills. I can multi task…sure…just ask my computer- I can have 8 different tabs open at once and hit all of them. But I can’t say with absolute confidence that I can multi task well all the time. I just end up overwhelming myself and needing to narrow things down. Focus on one thing at a time. Rightfully so…no? I mean how much wedding/baby events/day to day responsibilities can one girl take at once? Ya know? It’s a lot. But thankfully, thank god it’s mostly beautiful, happy stuff, all deserving of celebration. I will always be grateful for that.
Needless to say I know there are ways around this funk I’ve created for myself. I know that fear of inadequacy, lack of funds and time are a huge part of why video has taken a back seat. But I want to try and make some solutions to these problems.
Dear Michelle,
ACTORS– ask people I know/ research sites that can help find actors willing to participate for low funds or pizza! Haha. Asking people you know, can be difficult, it doesn’t always work out. My film and video professor used to always tell us to have a plan B because people aren’t always reliable and it can break your heart when a project falls through the cracks. This I know first hand. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked family or friends to be apart of shorts and they cancelled on me because of work or life in general got in the way. It happens, I get it. But creatively, it’s heart breaking. Another thing to consider when filming is to keep the shorts abstract- quick cuts- simple images-
Avant Garde it- experimental film, experimental cinema- a mode of filmmaking that rigorously re-evaluates cinematic conventions and explores non-narrative forms and alternatives to traditional narratives or methods of working.
TIME– make time- plain and simple. Plan it out, and stick to a schedule.
SPACE/LOCATION– keep it local, go where you know- use people’s homes, lol.
FUNDS– keep things simple/super low budget- use house hold items.
EQUIPMENT– use equipment you have, or ask to borrow equipment in advance.
EDITING SOFTWARE– use what you have and make it work.
FEAR– “Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.” -A Cinderella Story. Your never going to not be fearful of new challenges. You just have to decide how bad you want it, and be brave enough to just do it, to hell with what people think!
When you’re just starting out, or easing back into something Don’t Expect Perfection! If things are a little janky, it’s ok, it’s better to shoot footage than not try at all. And Vlogs do count. I’ve noticed I like vlogging when I have some cool things to do, I just have to get better at the editing turn around. Mini Vlogmas is still only partially edited. As is the Gender Reveal Party Vlog for my brother and sister in law and a Family Trip Vlog to Great Wolf Lodge we took last Summer. I also shot a bunch of footage of a Polar Express Trip and my best friend’s engagement night. Really got to get back to editing!!!!
*Current Update– Since I last scheduled this post (which was a while ago back in the Summer when I was what I like to call bulk blogging) I have edited my butt off and have finished editing Vlogmas, The Gender Reveal, The Great Wolf Lodge Trip and The Engagement. I however am torn as to whether or not I should post them on YouTube/link them on this blog. I know have alluded to the fact that I would post them, I’ve mentioned it in many blog posts [including the Vlogmas announcement], however I am not the only person in them and I don’t know if others would appreciate their images being out on the internet. I know- why announce Vlogmas, take forever to edit them, and then never post them. The truth is I did do a small Vlogmas, and I did edit them, but I don’t feel 100% comfortable sharing videos of my family. I may just keep them as home movies for me, and my friends and family. But I am excited that I got so many of them done. That’s a win for me!
When things start to settle down on the wedding/baby front, I will start to save up for some new equipment. In the mean time, I just have to do it. Pick up the camera I do have and shoot something. Stop worrying about how crappy it might turn out and just dive in. I know I’ll feel better once I do. And the excitement and natural high of doing something I love will come back. I just need to do and stop second guessing, stop making excuses and just use the time I do have for myself wisely.
The reason for this long winded post is because I needed it. Sometimes you need to reflect on all the ways you let life pass you by in order to make you realize that you need to try a little harder to make your dreams come true. Be a bulldozer – and plow through the writer’s block, through the lack of inspiration, through the Summer Blues, through the funk that I’ve been in, and just go for it!
So here’s hoping to change my mind set! Wish me luck. No Scratch that- Wish me determination!
I think it’s safe to say, Summer is here and kicking. The 4th is tomorrow and that right there is the epitome of Summer to me. The weather is hot, school is out and life becomes this different existence. Everything is slightly more laid back- or at least it’s supposed to be.
For me, Summer is a bit of an anxiety stressor. My job changes a little bit and I get placed in a new environment, working with new people for the duration of the summer. So that feels like an uproot, and something new I have to get used to all over again. Last year it was actually a really pleasant change and so this year I’m hoping for the same. I’m pretty optimistic that it will be and that’s a good feeling. 🙂
I also don’t do well in the heat so that’s another reason why Summer brings upon anxiety for me. Along with having this extra time during this season, there’s a lot of pressure to make use of everyday and do fun exciting things, everyday. Raise your hand if you’ve compared yourself to anyone on social media lately? #Guilty. I’m sorry I don’t have that kind of money to just be jumping flights, here and there. I have a lot going on in my life that I need to be saving up for, so unfortunately vacationing isn’t in the stars for me. And that sucks, but it’s my reality and that’s ok. Everyone’s life is different.
I think I’m learning to balance my boundaries. Sometimes I know I can push through my anxiety and sometimes I know I have to pull back and give myself a beat. And knowing that has made an incredible difference in my life. This notion is certainly a work in progress, but it’s coming along slowly.
It’s ok, to take breaks. It’s ok, to push yourself a bit, you will learn what you can handle. It’s ok, to say no. It’s ok, to strive for change. And it’s ok, to be afraid of that change, and still go for it anyway. My whole life I thought that I couldn’t use the words risk taker to describe myself. I’m taking that back. Recently I died my hair blue. BLUE! (No not my whole head…they’ll be a post coming soon!) But I have freakin’ blue hair right now and I’m just doing things I’ve been wanting to do for myself. Different things. I’m just going for it! Sometimes I feel guilty, like wait that’s too much money or I should be here or there or doing this or that. But then I think wait- why can’t if do this for me? It’s allowed! There’s nothing wrong with caring about yourself or the things your passionate about.
I’ve also been thinking about huge life changes lately. Some will take a while to accomplish, but the building blocks can start now. The other day I was told; “you seem optimistic and seem to be accepting change.” This was an incredible thing for me to hear from another person who knows me and knows how my life is and the things I struggle with. Change is literally the reason why I realized I have anxiety. Anytime change is upon me, my anxiety can peek. It doesn’t always, but if I’m anxious it’s usually because of some change happening in my life.
I’m at a point in my life, where I can see things a tiny bit clearer and the things I want out of life. The things I want for myself. And sometimes that means being a little selfish and doing my own thing. I hate how some may take offense to that, because it is not intention. But I think that now is the only time I have to be selfish. Other people do it, why can’t I? And that’s not a dig at anyone, it’s just an observation. Once I’m older, and have a family of my own things will be very different. And my husband and my children will be my priority. So now this is my time to sort myself out so that dream of having that life when I’m older can eventually come true. I don’t want to sit back 10 or 15 years from now and regret not going after the things I wanted. I don’t want to resent my family. So this is the time to get my mind right and just do my thing.
I’m trying to tackle the things that scare me. Granted, I have my days when I falter and I let that fear hold me back, or I allow the laziness of summer overcome me. But I’m keeping high expectations for myself this summer. There are so many things I want to accomplish on a personal and professional level that I am making strides toward those goals already.
I’ve always wanted to write a pilot script for this tv show I’ve had running in my head for YEARS-since high school. The show is written in shifts and on random papers all over my house-some are on my computer- it’s all over the place. I’ve never written a concise first episode. There’s no organization and I am all about organizing this summer. My planner and inspiration notebook are my best friends! So that ish, is getting written THIS SUMMER. I’ve started to do my research, surprisingly I know a lot of the things I’ve found out which makes me feel kind of good. But there was also a ton I didn’t know- things I’m still learning, still researching. Oh you mean I have an excuse to watch television. Awesome! 😉 Your never going to stop learning, ever. Life is full of lessons.
So there’s that big change happening. Which is huge for me, because researching my craft has always been scary for me. I can’t exactly explain it. It was, I guess something I loved so much, that I was scared that if I researched it I would find out how little I know, or how far from my dream I actually am. But my mind set is different now and I realize that I can’t get there if I don’t try. I don’t know if I’ll ever make it to where I want to be. I don’t know if I will ever get my dream of creating my own tv show. But the show is not ever going to leave my heart or my brain. It could be months, and then a story will pop into my head for one of my characters and I will have to revisit that world. Or a line will pop into my head and I will go-“Oh my god that would be the perfect thing for Travis to say to Sara.” (Shhh Spoilers!) 😉
I’ve been thinking more seriously about my next move. About my career long term. I love where I work right now. I know I haven’t given exact details of my work, but that’s because I truly believe in respecting privacy and I want to remain professional. But basically I do work in a school setting teaching creative subjects like writing, and film. And I think it’s been an eye opening experience for me. You really can learn by teaching.
I have a lot of creative projects I am tinkering with this Summer too. I’m not going to reveal them, because I don’t want to jinx them, or put extra pressure on myself to finish them all. I will overwhelm myself with an over extensive to do list, I know this. So let’s just say that my main creative goal is to get my pilot script written and keep learning more and more about writing and working in television.
I would love to track that process on here for you guys to see, but to also be able to reflect back on it and see how I progressed. I hope you’ll come along on this journey with me.
As you may know my current Netflix obsession is the CW’s Supergirl. The show’s second season has just been recently added and I have been a very happy girl. In the premiere episode we see a conflicted Kara/Supergirl as she is now faced with many open doors. Finally getting a hold on her role as a heroine, she must explore her options in new areas of her life; her career and her love life. The man she has been in love with; James Olsen-has expressed how he wants something more than just friendship and her boss Cat Grant has decided to give her a promotion allowing her to choose any position she wants. The world is her oyster and she is completely stuck. She’s scared. She’s confused. So Cat gives her the encouragement she needs, the push that only Cat Grant can give, in her fashionable Cat flare. When I sat there hearing these words, they felt real to me. I could relate to that fear and that uncertainty. The need to want to stay within your safety zone. That fear of change. What she said made me think, made me question my own life. And once again I felt such a connection to this show, and I think that is something beautiful.
“Dive. You’re standing on the shore afraid to dive into the new waters. And you’re afraid because you don’t want to say goodbye to the mild mannered, love-lorn Kara Danvers; the sweet and dutiful assistant to Cat Grant. You are standing there looking out at your options- the icy blue water, the fast flowing river, and the choppy sea and they all look very appealing to you, because your dying to go for a swim. But you know that water is going to be cold, and the journey is going to be hard. And when you reach the other side you will have become a new person. And you’re scared to meet that new version of yourself. Now we all get used to our own personas, and we’re used to our own comfort zones, but trust me, in order to live we must keep daring, keep diving.”
– Cat Grant [Season 2, Episode 1- Entitled “The Adventures of Supergirl”]
I recently have been feeling like I have a lot of things going on and I’m getting overwhelmed.
I know what else is new? Right?
But I’m stuck.
It’s that time of year where it’s getting hotter. I work closely with the school system, so it’s nearing summer break and all the kids are starting to lag and slow down and I feel by some extension that I am too.
There is this improvement list I keep thinking about.
Things I want to do and be better at, for myself-my career, my health, for my students, for my family, for my friends…
I teach 5 different creative activities and although it was my choice, I feel like I’m not doing as well as I hoped. I always have this vision and then it gets crazy and scattered and I end up scrambling in the last weeks.
And yet I am still also needed in a lot of other areas in my life- I’m in three more weddings- two of which I am maid of honor for, I’m going to be a Titi (An Aunt) in the fall I’m going to have a niece! And I’m planning for family occasions that keep popping up…the list always has something new added.
So I feel like I’m trying to be everything to everyone and still tryin to have some sort of social life and make time for myself.
My relationships in my life with family and friends are everything to me.
And I want to show up for everyone… for everything.
And lately, I just feel kind of all over the place, and pulled in many directions.
I feel like I’m dropping the ball, and I don’t know what to do.
To the point where I just want to throw myself on my bed and sleep to forget it all.
I’ve been going and going since what feels like forever, and I’m still going.
I don’t know how to get over this bump in the road.
There is so much I want to do for myself, and I feel like my career has been put on hold for so long, and I know that it is my fault.
But I’ve made strides to better my situation in the past and I feel like now I’m just stuck and safe.
I get worried that my dream of being a writer will never happen for me.
I know I have to push myself, and when I lack motivation, I need to learn to push past it.
But it’s difficult. For sure.
I don’t know where to start.
How to change.
I’m always buying, and doing for something else, that it’s easy for me to forget or slack on going after what I really want for myself.
I need to learn how to prioritize.
I need to learn how to use my time wisely.
I need to plan accordingly and not let myself get stuck in my comfort zone.
I need to realize that the change is within me, and no one else.
I can’t keep saying I’m stressed and overwhelmed and then just shut down.
Because what good is that then?
I can’t just keep going through the everyday routine without any progress or change.
But I don’t know how to do that.
And this is not a “feel bad for me” post, this is literally my way of trying to sort this mess out.
I know I will, I’ve done so in the past.
One day things just clicked and did what I had to do even though it was scary…even though it was hard.
So I’m hoping I get my click into place day soon.
Thanks for letting me vent, friends.
And if you can relate, tell me in the comments how you push past that feeling stuck feeling!
So my brother is the super hero fan of the family and quite honestly I’ve never really cared for the movies or anything. However, I did grow up around Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles. I was the Pink Ranger for Halloween as a kid. So I guess you can say I didn’t hate it! 😉 There was also my recent obsession with The Amazing Spider-Man- the one with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. I freaking love those movies. Add some Romance and I’m all in. Spoiler Alert… BUT WHY DOES SHE DIE????
Any who, my brother had been telling me to watch the CW’s Supergirl for the longest time. He was all like “I think you’ll like it.” and I just kept saying no. Until one day I was looking for a new Netflix binger and low and behold I got hooked into the world of superheroes.
I’m a feminist, and I believe in women’s equality and female empowerment. Girl power all the way, my friend. And this show embodies just that.
CBS premiered Season 1 in October of 2015. The summary reads as follows-
At 12 years old, Kara Zor-El escapes doom on planet Krypton to find protection on Earth with the Danvers family, where she grows up in the shadow of her foster sister, Alex, and learns to hide the extraordinary powers she shares with her cousin, Superman. Now an adult living in National City and working for media mogul Cat Grant, Kara finds her days of keeping her abilities a secret are over when super-secret agency head Hank Henshaw enlists her to help protect the city’s citizens from threats. Finally coming into her own, Kara must juggle her new responsibilities with her very human relationships. (Via Wikipedia)
I watched the full first season on Netflix and am dying to watch the second season. Supergirl is currently airing it’s second season on The CW. It is said to be released on Netflix- Tuesday, May 30th! So I don’t have to wait long! I’ve peeked ahead on YouTube and she has the cutest love interest! I cannot wait to watch the full story unfold!!!! Supergirl was also picked up for a third season!
Oh did I mention that Supergirl is totally the sweetest girl in the world, and the strongest, most badass all in one! Not only can she fly, but she has superhuman strength, speed, and stamina; super breath; x-ray vision; telescopic and microscopic vision; freeze breath; heat vision; and super hearing. She is stronger than an ox, and can repel bullets. She’s the girl of steal. It’s funny how they always pull Superman in on iChat. I hope we actually get to see him, every time they say he’s there, you never fully see him. She’s determined to do things alone, and be her own super heroine, which I respect. But I mean how cool would it be to see a cousin duo tag team. Red, Blue, and Yellow baby. #S
Can we also just give a shot out to the crazy good cast they have. I mean you’ve got quite a few Glee cast members like Melissa Benoist as Kara/Supergirl , Jenna Dewan Tatum from Step Up!, Calista Flockhart best known as “Ally McBeal”, and my girl Chyler Leigh “Lexie Grey” from Grey’s Anatomy. So damn good!
Left to Right: Chyler Leigh, Jeremy Jordan, Melissa Benoist, Mehcad Brooks, and Calista Flockhart.
Jenna Dewan Tatum
Oh and Winn (played by Jeremey Jordan) is my favorite, what a freaking cutie!
Although I get so annoyed by the fact that Kara can put a pair of glasses on and wear her hair up and suddenly no one can tell she looks just like Supergirl!
I guess they have to suspend reality, so I can let that slide. 😉 The rest of the show is kickass. I really love how they developed Kara’s character. She has got this dorky, goofy, out of place, off kilter vibe. She’s an alien on planet Earth, just trying to learn to be human. I think it’s safe to say that she does a good job at trying to blend in, but sometimes her awkwardness gets in the way, and quite honestly I may not an alien, but I think we can all be awkward as hell sometimes! She handles it effortlessly, with her sweetness and then she can instantly flip her switch and be Supergirl saving the world from bad guys and girls. Yes that’s right she battles some bad ass she villains and even though I am all for good winning over evil, it’s super cool to see female villains and superheroes fight it out, rather than just the typical male heroes. Silver Banshee (played by Italia Ricci) was dope!
Supergirl doesn’t kill, but she’s just as effective. And of course she has many admirers along the way which just puts the cherry on top for me. #Romance
They even did a little cross over episode with The CW’s The Flash, and I was a little in love with The Flash/Barry Allen – (played by Grant Gustin-also starred on Glee.) I hear they recently did another one this season, so OMG um, now I’m probably going to have to get into The Flash too.
So there you have it, Supergirl has it all; Confidence, Encourages Female Centric Storylines, Strength, Humor, Action and Romance. I’m all in!
I have to admit there’s a lack of inspiration for me right now. Maybe it’s exhaustion, maybe it’s hormonal, maybe it’s laziness, or stress. I don’t know. But I’m in a funk and I just need to work through it. It’ll pass, I know it will. It always does.
But in the mean time, I don’t want to slack on this blog either so…let’s chat.
I’ve been thinking about where my life is going, lately. A lot of reflection is creeping in, and not exactly warranted. I say that because I’d kind of rather not go there. Because I know along with that reflection will come some harsh realities. Things I need to be working harder on. The list is long. And I have a tendency to really overthink and get myself all anxious which is of no use, because then I tend to retreat and shut down, getting nothing done.
When I think back to how hopeful the new year seemed, and where I am now, it seems like too different worlds. But I think that’s kind of how it always is. I make these big grand lists of things I want to change or do or accomplish and then I lose track and momentum and end up falling into old habits. I know we all do it, but I just wish I could avoid getting into these slumps. They suck.
Granted I think I have made some progress in personal growth this year so far, but I still think there are a lot of things I could be doing to feel even better about my life and where I’m heading.
I just turned 26 and so naturally, I’m thinking about my future and what I want for myself. I want to be a writer for television and film. And yet I’m still in a part-time job, it’s writing and film related but not a career for me. I want to get married and have children and start a family some day, and yet I’m still single and living home. It’s difficult when you start to look at your family and friends around you and suddenly feel like you missed something. Did I miss the course in life planning? Because I feel so far behind. It’s so easy for me to compare myself to them. So many people around me are getting engaged, married, pregnant. And here I am, doing the same ole same.
I don’t want this to sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself. If anything I feel like I’m kicking myself for not being more of a risk taker. I don’t hate my life. I don’t hate my job. (I actually really enjoy it!) I don’t hate being single. But I just know there’s more I want out of life. But where I am, is safe and comfortable. I’m content. But I’m not. Does that make any sense?
It’s like I reflect and feel like I’m missing so much. I’m not going for it. But then I look at where I’ve come from a few years ago, and I feel like I’ve tackled a lot of my anxiety. But now there are new challenges I must tackle, in order to allow myself to step into the next chapter of my life. And I think that’s realizing that I have to push myself out of my comfort zone and start accepting change. I’ve spoken about my fear of change HEREon this blog.
I was in church a few weeks ago, and I remember the priest giving his sermon and saying how God does not work on time. We work on time. But God doesn’t. So if we are asking for something and we want it to happen right now and it doesn’t, that does not mean it won’t. It just means that God knows it’s not the right “time,” and therefore maybe your not ready yet.
So I think I’m going to keep that little tidbit in my back pocket, for when I start to stress out about the future. And I hope if you can relate to this stress and fear of change that you hold onto this little fact too. Things will happen when they are supposed to. I know there are so many uncertainties; career, relationships, etc. But I have to just trust that God’s got me. He knows what’s in my heart and what it wants and when the “time” is right all will fall into place. I just need to do some rearranging and prioritizing on my end. Wish me luck! 😉
So I know that my posts have been kind of out of sync with the usual schedule, but I’ve been a bit frazzled lately. There’s a lot going on and I tend to get overwhelmed fairly easily. You ever just need to take a beat and check yourself? As someone who deals with anxiety often, I noticed I have to do that, in order to keep my sanity and keep up with everything that I have to do. Because of the bustle that surrounds my world lately, the blog inspiration has been lacking. I struggle when this happens, because I hate posting just to post.
But with that being said I thought maybe it’d be cool to give you a little blog update. I have some fun posts in mind, it’s just a matter of getting my shit together and writing them.
I HAVE NO TIME! I’M TIRED! I’M STRESSED! I WANT TO SLEEP FOR A YEAR!
Rant over. 😉
Coming your way we have the Welcome Home “Soundtrack” and Author’s Commentary. If you haven’t read Welcome Home you can start it from the beginning HERE.
Also I am attempting to dive into a new short story series….I’m still working on the title (I have a bunch of variations that I can’t decide on) but here’s a quick little sneak peek at the summary-
Liam Whitmore is a wealthy business executive who goes through the motions of working in his corporate world day after lousy day, making deals and kicking ass at it. However he often feels uninspired, and unable to do what he really loves. Until one day he meets a younger woman named Aria Lenz, struggling to become a dancer. Her simplistic yet driven nature strikes up a spark of inspiration in him, and he makes it his mission to get to know her. Little does he know, it’ll be the hardest “transaction” he’s ever had to make. They’re worlds apart- will he finally get through to her, or will his fire fizzle?
There- it’s out in the universe. So I have no choice, now I HAVE to get writing. Haha.
Before I get into what this post in actually titled. I just wanted to clue you in on some things. I have been vlogging as mentioned, but I haven’t edited anything yet,(things have been busy and this holiday season has me exhausted.) So the vlogs will be up at a later date. I have more footage than I thought-initially I planned to just do one massive vlog, but at this rate-it would end up being really long-so I’m probably going to have to break them into smaller vlogs.
Also today I did a lot of ground work for the writing of my newest short story series; Welcome Home. Good stuff coming your way…and I will be posting a new chapter soon.
It’s a beautiful thing when it just comes naturally isn’t it. When that light sparks and a fire is ignited inside you and your fingers can’t type as fast as your mind is going.
It’s such a rush and that’s when you feel like you are doing what you were always meant to do.
But, sadly it isn’t always that easy. In fact more than likely it’s a difficult task to handle on the regular.
I’ve always been creative. Even as a kid, I was always pretending and playing.
And I have always said that if I had a job that I really loved, it wouldn’t feel like work to me.
But you know what -being creative is work. It is some of the hardest work you can do.
It is mentally and emotionally exhausting. So much of your heart is displayed to the world for other people to comment on and critique.
And when the inspiration and the ideas stop, the failure you feel is much more personal and internal, than if you just failed at a regular job related task.
So what do we do when we lack inspiration? When our lights go dim?
Do we give up?
Are we supposed to just accept this fate.
This momentary lack of inspiration.. is it going to be forever?
There are so many creative people in this world, who have missed their calling.
Or who have moved on from their creative talents, because it wasn’t the sensible or “adult” thing to do. Because life pushed them into a corner and they needed to stray away to make ends meet.
It’s no secret that the creative souls struggle. We put ourselves in unhappy circumstances sometimes. We let our creative souls suffer. We sit behind a desk, we turn into daily robots, and crunch numbers.
It’s no place for a creative soul.
I see emotion in things. Love.
I see colors. I see patterns.
I’m trained to analyze and to dig deeper.
What is the meaning behind it all?
So much beauty comes from art, film, music, photography, writing.
These things we treasure, these things we used to escape our stresses.
These enjoyments.
Yet these are the people who struggle most to make a living.
The cost of life is higher than ever, and gone is the artistic feel at times.
It’s all about the benjamins.
I understand money is important.
Do it for the green.
But if something isn’t right and you feel it in your soul, you are doing it wrong.
It’s time to find that passion you once knew.
Weather it’s painting a blank canvas. Or writing that book you always wanted to write.
Stay in the crummy job, stick it out.
But only long enough until you find some place else to turn to, a job that feeds your creativity.
Because we can’t let the arts die.
I work with kids and I can see how it’s changed.
It’s all academic.
You ask a math question. A million hands go up.
You ask them to talk about their likes, their interests, they freeze.
It’s uncool to be creative, since when?
It fills me with such joy, when I see a child express their creativity, when they are proud of a product they’ve created.
That’s what being a kid, is all about.
It’s that piece of child that should stay within us always.
Allowing anything less, is stealing childhood moments from them, they can’t get back.
So what do we do here?
When we start to notice that artists get the short end of the stick?
So many artists have back up plans-in case.
Why can’t being an artist be the goal, the attainable goal?
This itch to create, to move onto more…to keep going-to climb out of our rut.
Those are the real signs.
They are the pushes.
It’s so easy to get comfortable in life, to feel safe.
To settle.
But when you think about that, is that really living?
As is the Gender Reveal Party Vlog for my brother and sister in law and a Family Trip Vlog to Great Wolf Lodge we took last Summer. I also shot a bunch of footage of a Polar Express Trip and my best friend’s engagement night. Really got to get back to editing!!!! 
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Michelle Leigh Writes 