There is a certain battle you face as a writer. When you have to decide if what you’ve written is ready to be shared or if  it’s better left unsaid; hidden in the quiet pages of a journal. You have to decipher if it’s too personal or just personal enough. I’ve always been a sheltered writer. Most of what you’ve seen on this blog has been hidden in carefully crafted poems or in sarcastically clad rants, or just some randomness about Justin Timberlake! But it’s been said that what makes a good writer is knowing how to be vulnerable and knowing that it’s ok to be. Writers write what they can’t say, what they’re afraid of, or what they’ve been trying to avoid. And although I keep to myself most of the time and I’m not one to share my personal business, I just felt like if I’m gonna tell a story…I might as well tell it right.

***To anyone who may be mentioned, I mean no offense whatsoever…just a girl giving her opinion…

and to all my girls, I love you!***

Deep breathe ladies….you knew this day would come, yes that’s right I’m talking about the day…

Your best friend gets a boyfriend. (and that last . is more like the punctuation and sound of MTV’s AWKWARD.)

So let’s just get the whole romantic movie watching and junk food eating out of the way and get to what’s really on your mind.

THIS F*$KGHJ SUCKS!!!!

HaHa

No but it really does.

As HAPPY as you are for them, (And by happy I mean ecstatic! After all this is the thing you’ve spent most of your time talking about, gossiping over) you can’t help the part of you that’s a little bit jealous…like where’s my guy?… when is it going to be my turn? I am sure we’ve all been there.

For girls, a best friend is like your first soul mate

The sister you choose for yourself

And when someone else comes into the picture

You realize the inevitable factor that your relationship with your “bestie” is about to change forever

This transformation will happen in phases

First they will swear that nothing will change, but you know better

It’s only natural that they do

Then the “I’m sorry’s” will flood in

The ignoring your texts will start to happen…

and the “Oh I’d love to but I’m going to be with…” will soon come after

And Ladies again, this is only part of a natural progression

They have someone else in their lives, which they value too

But no matter how unintentional these acts are

They are there, they do exist

And all while you’re sitting home on a Friday night wondering where the hell your best friend went

They are often off with their boyfriends enjoying their night somewhere else

It’s a difficult transition and I don’t say this to offend anyone, if you know me personally, you know I’m not mean-spirited

But there are just some things in life that we have to face

And this unfortunately is one of them

Only thing is I’ve got it from both ends of the best friend spectrum

Not only is my best friend in the world in a relationship, but my other best friend is freakin’ engaged!

ENGAGED! (I’m super happy for her, and they are adorable!) But this was a girl who used to party with the best of them, and now I barely see her,  It’s strange…

When you realize that you’re closest contact to someone who used to basically live in your house is now whatever they happen to post on instagram as you’re scrolling through

She’ll always be one of my best friends, but things change…it’s just the way it goes

It doesn’t mean that it’s bad

But it also doesn’t make it hurt any less

I don’t know about you other 22 year old girls out there, but I’m not looking for a ring on my finger at this age, all I’m looking for is a guy who cares enough to want to get to know me

I’ve never actually had a guy respectfully want to get to know me

And maybe I’m just being naive about that

But there is more to human interaction than what most guys think

It’s most likely my fault as to why I’m still single

I tend to have the words FUCK OFF written across my forehead

And when I’m out with my girls, I’m just that…out with my girls

I’m not the girl who goes out with her friends to find a guy (although maybe I should start, New Year Res??? lol)

No I’m the girl who feels that if you come up to me in a bar and try to put your arm around me, I may not be responsible for kicking you in the shin…what can I say I’m allergic to asshole

I’m sorry I just don’t see what’s so bad about the “Hi, I’m so and so, what’s your name?” approach. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why do you need a gimmick? You don’t know me… so why are you touching me? (uh oh my feminism is showing, there’s more where that came from!)

Although, my friend Lauren will tell you that I’m a major bitch to guys when they try to hit on me. Which I find hysterical because I’m usually a pretty shy person. But 21st birthday… drunk … and over the idea that heels were a suitable shoe choice for the night = Bitchy Michelle.

I guess I’m just not used to the attention

I can be pretty oblivious to flirtation…like really oblivious…

My mom always says that I can’t be bothered with guys, that I have no time for them. She likes to think that so many guys have been interested in me and that I never seemed to notice. And I’m just like yea ok mom, thanks. (She’s my mom she has to say things like that)

But then again in the same breath, she’ll tell me, you need to put yourself out there more…um, been there, done that, no thanks.

Ok ok that’s not true…

But what’s so difficult about this whole best friend getting a boyfriend situation is the fact that above all else…your best friends are just slightly out of reach

And how do you tell your best friend, that they’ve been MIA, without hurting their feelings

That bond that you shared has to now factor in someone else

It’s our 20’s… isn’t this supposed to be the time of our lives?

the time where we’re supposed to be broke, and living on a dream…or a prayer? (if you’re a Bon Jovi fan) 😉

the time where finding yourself is the main focus of your life?

the time to be selfish about how you spend your time without having to feel like your tied to someone else?

Well if it isn’t it should be

And I’m not saying that if you’re in a relationship, that it’s a bad thing

Because it isn’t…in fact if you managed to find a guy in this mess…Kudos to you…(that also deserves a “You go girl” *snap*)

Both my best friends managed to catch some really great fish in the sea (of life)

(Yea I just went there. Sorry that was lame.)

I’m pretty positive that if I had an amazing boyfriend right now I would feel way differently about all this

but for right now, this is how it feels

And as a writer, we put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard)

and we try to make sense of what we are feeling and why we feel it

As a teenager I always felt like I was the child of the group

I was always less experienced, more sheltered

but somehow I also felt like the motherly figure; two opposite ends of the spectrum

(I warn you now, there is probably going to be A LOT of me contradicting myself in this…but yea that’s girls for ya. We laugh, we cry, sometimes both, we say things in code…Welcome to the real world)

I was always the one hosting something, or the one checking in on friends who fell on their asses, while others just laughed alongside (and I actually mean that literally!…I have clumsy friends, lol)

And for most of my life the world around me was always fast moving, but I somehow stayed still

And I felt like I never really got to experience the types of things normal teens experienced

I was never one to follow a crowd

partly because of the way I was raised

and partly because I do what I’m comfortable with

And in high school that lifestyle of drinking and partying wasn’t something I gravitated toward, and even in college I kind of just did my own thing…that is just who I am

And I would often wonder…am I missing something?

For someone who is so mature minded

Why are you scared to live?

I guess I never wanted to grow up too fast

And I didn’t-

While kids in JUNIOR high were sneaking around drinking beers

I was listening to *NSYNC and dancing around with my best friend in her basement like maniacs, (shit I still do that in my room, on occasion…shout out to my 90’s girls)

We never wanted to do something just because others were, we made our own path

But I always thought that one day it’ll be different…we’d conquer that “forbidden” world together

But things change…and so do people

And as I stayed in the same spot, my friends grew on without me

I thought that when we all got older and were in our 20’s it would be the most amazing time…and we’d get to live it all together

And to some extent I was right

Things are a lot easier now…

I don’t get that sickening feeling of ordering a drink knowing I don’t have an ID to back it up, anymore

There’s a certain ease about being 22

But I still feel like a kid

the only difference is I can drink alcohol now

This vision of going out with friends and living the single 20 something life is kind of dulling

2 years in (how sad is that?)

And that idea that it’d be me and my best friends against the world has been jaded

that vision I had is blurred

it’s still there

and it’s within reach

but it’s just missing a couple of faces

really important ones

Faces that I have had in my life for more than half my life, some for my entire life

and I know that the distance and the gap in time isn’t intentional

And if I said it out loud maybe they would understand

But as girls (really as people) we all try to find reasons for things

But sometimes change is inevitable

And sometimes it can be really good

It can force you to look within you

to stop depending on others and figure it out for yourself

And make you try new things

Think outside the box

But at times when you look around

Your going to feel like you’re drowning…and it’s going to seem like every one is in a relationship

And you’re over in the corner, hosting a singles party for 1

It’s happening in my group of friends now…friend after friend changing their relationship status’

And so as you stumble along in this happy, free, confused and lonely place (yea that was a t-swift reference, did you catch it?)

You will find that there is a light

A person out there who is a lot like you

and who just so happens to be throwing you into a boat and paddling to make it through

For me it’s my friend Stav

She and I are pretty similar

Freakishly similar actually

We always joke about how we’re twins

We think a lot alike, dress alike, and basically whenever we hangout out it’s like we just get where the other person is coming from

I think it’s safe to say she’s one of the few people, I really feel like understands where I’m coming from, at this point in my life

And she, just like me is still living the oh so single (and ready to mingle) life (Omg I did it again, you guys I just can’t help it, the corny is just too good to refuse)

Anyway, for all you still single girls out there…I challenge you to make the best of it… that’s what I vowed to do this year. I’m logging in some super fun girls night out ideas and we are gonna make some memories, and I am going to put some new faces in that vision of mine.

And ladies as cliché as it may sound…your prince is out there, he’s just not ready for you yet… (Or maybe he’s just a little lost). So keep your head up, your shoes flat and a relatively sober mind and go have a girls night (go have many girls nights) with your other single friends (I have some amazing ones) and who knows you might just find Mr. Right…or Mr. Right Now…hey we are only in our 20’s….if nothing else at least you’ll walk away with an asshole story to share with the group 😉

So ladies…that deep breathe you’ve been holding in all this time, let it out!

I can’t believe I made it through this entire thing, without one Beyonce reference…”all my single ladies, all my single ladies”…oh whoops there it is!

***Just to be clear both my best friends have been in serious relationships over a year, and I am just now writing this post, I’ve learned a lot and I just thought I’d share the wealth…also I am still friends with them, they will always be my best friends…it’s just the changes we go through in life. But being single isn’t a curse…and even though my best friends have significant others and some of my other really good friends have boyfriends, I still have the few girls that don’t and ladies, it’s our year! Let’s do this! :D***

-<3-

*I do not take any credit for any images…all belong to their rightful owners!*