I’m sorry were you talking to me, or just being an asshole?

 

Cat-Calling:

To make a whistle, shout, or comment of a sexual nature to a woman passing by. 

 

 

Can Cat-calling and Douchebaggery quit sooner rather than later?

It boggles my mind how men get away with their sexist comments.

When I’m walking down the street, I could be wearing sweats or a pretty dress and the cat calling and comments can stride along.

It makes me disgusted. With those men. And skeptical of male attention in general.

You never know what intention lies behind the not so clever come ons.

In fact it does the opposite of what I’m sure is their intention.

It doesn’t make you desirable when you treat me like an object that is just purely walking the earth for your eyes to glance over and decide whether or not you’re going to comment on my looks.

I may be reading too much into things here, but you can’t tell me how to feel. Quite honestly I think there’s a greater problem here than just the occasional cat caller.

Some women may take it as a form of flattery.

I do not.

It causes an insecurity rather than a compliment. And that’s the major problem.

It causes me to question my attire, and whether or not I should have left the house wearing whatever it is I happen to be wearing. Did I do something wrong? Should I have walked home a different way? Crossed the street? Put my sweater on, even though it’s 85 degrees and I’m hot.

No. No. No. Men need a reality check. Men need to actually think with their brains, not…well you know where I’m going with this.

The truth is I’m a modest person. I dress rather conservatively.

And for me to have to feel insecure because a man can’t seem to be respectful enough to keep his mouth shut as I walk by, is sad. So sad.

It’s not my fault.

And ladies, it’s not yours either. No matter what you’re wearing. Nothing is an invitation for a man to treat you like an object.

I shouldn’t have to worry if my shirt shifts or my dress is slightly shorter than I usually wear. I shouldn’t have to feel shameful of wanting to feel sexy and dress like a woman.  

The best part is that most of these catcalling moments will come from men older than me. And let’s be real I have a baby face and probably look younger than I actually am. So what the hell are these guys even looking at me for, let alone commenting on my appearance.

I’ve been in a few awkward situations with older men where I am made to feel uncomfortable about what I am wearing. And it’s a shame. Because my wearing that outfit wasn’t to seek their attention. It was to dress up and feel girly. My looks are not warranting your comment.

Don’t get me wrong, hearing a compliment is nice every once in a while. And there is certainly an allure to the idea of having a gentleman caller admire you. To have someone want to figure out what you’re all about. It can be very sexy when done respectfully. But the operative word here is….gentleman. Does he look you in the eye? Does he respect your mind? Does he treat you like a human being?

Because the attention we get from these disrespectful men is not what we strive for. The comment isn’t a compliment when it comes in the form of sexual grunts and whistles, from a guy who doesn’t really care about me at all. Or the fact that he’s making me uncomfortable and self-conscious.

I ask these men to think about their mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, your future (or current daughters) …Yea some men are fathers and still pull this bullshit. Think about all the women in your life, who you love and respect and care for. Would you want guys catcalling them and making them feel the way you make me and other women feel?

No. So stop. Just stop. It’s unnecessary and it’s not going to get you anywhere. I mean really aside from being ignored or given a shaded glare of hatred. What do you expect? What do you think is going to happen? Do you think I will become overly flattered by your so cleverly thought out whistle or sexist comment that I’ll just jump your bones, right here in the public street? Because, that’s a big fat NO.  You sir, are not impressing anyone. Quit while you can.

Just because you have been deemed a dog, doesn’t mean I’m a cat. Ok. Thanks. Bye.

Read my “5 Things Girls Wish Guys Still Did” post below.

https://michelleleighwrites.wordpress.com/2014/01/02/dear-opposite-sex-made-your-resolution-check-it-twice/

If women cat called. #WhyWomenAreJustEPIC

* I do not take credit for any images or videos used.*

-<3-

15 thoughts on “I’m sorry were you talking to me, or just being an asshole?

  1. Cat-calling is the most annoying and weirdly pointless phenomena in society. I’ve only seen it “work” on about 0.1% of women, everyone else either ignores it or hates it.
    People often fail to mention how wide a range of different catcalls you hear as well. “Hi beautiful” is quite different from the guy who tells you literally what he wants to do to your body.
    My only good experience relating to this was with a girl I knew in high school, Lauren. She was a super radical feminist who had really strong (and often correct) opinions on everything relating to gender equality issues.
    One day when we were walking home from school, she saw her brother cat-calling a group of girls in the street with some obscene comments about their breasts. She was so furious that her own brother would do something she despised so she just walked up to him and kicked him in the balls as hard as she could, making him collapse to the floor moaning.
    We all jokingly referred to it as the time Lauren taught her brother about feminism 🙂

      • Glad you agree! One of the sad things was that quite a few girls were critical of her and said that was too radical a response.
        That’s why I always say it’s important to distinguish between different types of catcalling. If he’d just said “Hey beautiful” then it definitely would be too extreme a response.
        But given that he said something like “I’d love to slap those tits”, I was completely fine with it. I think we should kick any man in the balls who says something like that to a woman.

      • I know right! Such a creepy comment. Why do men think something like that will be well received by any woman at all!?
        He definitely learned a lesson though. He later admitted that he’d never been kicked in the balls by a woman before so it was a very shocking and humiliating experience for him.

      • Jesus girls. You can’t just kick someone in the nuts for something like that. That’s insane!
        This is why a lot of people say feminism is about man hating! You need to try other solutions.

      • Not trying to discount that there are good men out there, who do treat women right. But not all women who are feminist “hate” men. It’s insane that he felt he could make that comment to a woman at all, let alone in front of his sister. If you noticed Helen does mention had the comment not been that gross, her friend’s response wouldn’t have been so intense. Maybe men should try other solutions to approaching women. The way I see it is, all men come from a woman, they have mothers, or grandmothers, or aunts or sisters, some even daughters. Would you want a man speaking to any woman you love that way? I don’t think so. It’s just a matter of being respectful. If a man respects a woman, then she will respect him back. At least that’s how I see it. But then again, if you’ve never been a man who has cat called, there’s nothing for you to worry about. We don’t know each other and I’m not going to make assumptions. Just stating my piece, like you did. Have a great day! 🙂

      • I don’t think all feminists hate men. I think feminists just like to try and push society into being more anti-male out of a distorted
        sense of fairness.
        How exactly, by your standards, are we supposed to decide when a catcall like this crosses the line? Cos women have very different standards on what they consider “too far” in my experience. Is it just supposed to be up to each individual woman to decide?
        What happens if some feminist is trying to kick a guy in the balls and he thinks it’s unfair so he decides to fight back (assuming he’s still standing).
        That would technically count as self-defense on his part, would it not?

      • You are right every feminist is different. And we are getting into super specific situations here. Unfortunately I don’t have the answer for you. But what I can tell you from experience, is maybe cat calling in any sense isn’t the answer. You can avoid all “standards” by not doing it. I can’t say that I’ve met women who actually like it. I mean we’ve never kicked a guy in the nuts because of it, but trust me, it’s not appealing to hear a guy just say whatever he wants to you as you walk by. Especially when he is usually just basing his comments on your appearance. I mean some comments may be light and it may just not phase the woman. But some aren’t nice at all. What I’ve found is the main consensus is that cat calling does not work. So try another approach, conversation is better than cat calling in my opinion. And if the woman seems uninterested, move on. The next woman may be interested. Just my take. Again, every woman is different. But I think no matter what respect is key. Hope this helps! 🙂

      • I know quite a few women who are completely fine with catcalling though, so I’m sure that’s a good standard. I even know a woman who happily flashes her boobs at men who catcall her in the street.
        I still think if you’re allowing violence, you have to accept that men might use violence in response too. Which I imagine would probably piss off most feminists.

      • This can be a bit of the problem though. If a man just goes based off of a few women, and not the woman individually, they can misinterpret things. And that’s when the situation gets into a gray area. Just because the few women you know are ok with cat calling and one actually exposes herself, doesn’t mean all women are okay with it and will respond that way. I am not condoning violent behavior in any way. But the specific “violent” behavior we are speaking about in these comments was actually between a sister and her brother. A sister who was sort of reprimanding her brother for his actions. Yes it was drastic, a bop off the head or shoulder bump would have worked better. But it wasn’t like she was just kicking a random person in the nuts for cat calling. And who knows maybe the brother and sister were the kind to joke around that way. We don’t know the full story. Again not condoning violence just trying to put the event into perspective. It was a family matter and it became the day that her brother learned a lesson about catcalling from his sister. (I’m trying to understand it, because it wasn’t my comment/nor my story). The violence you are referring to is, if a man catcalls a women and she reacts negatively, even in a physical way, it’s ok for him to react physically as well? I don’t believe in either physical interaction. I don’t believe the woman should hit the man and I don’t believe the man should hit the woman, especially when he was the one doing the cat calling in the first place and started that interaction. Just leave her alone, there’s no law that says a man has to cat call every girl who passes by him. Anyway that’s my take. But honestly, I guess it depends on the woman. I personally don’t believe in cat calling at all and I certainly don’t condone violence either. I think we just have different views on this and that’s ok. Just treat people with respect and I’m sure all will work out. I appreciate your comment. Thanks for reading!

      • I feel like I should respond to some of these points, cos I do think you’re getting the wrong impression Steve. I’m so sorry for filling your comment section with a long screed Michelle! But I think it is useful to talk about these things.

        First of all I think you really need to understand the context Steve. Lauren’s brother had a history of misogynistic behaviour. This wasn’t just her reaction the first time she’d ever known him behave this way. He’d previously groped 2 women without consent, and on one occasion the year before had pulled a girl’s bikini top off while we were at the local swimming pool, so everyone saw her topless.Lauren’s response really needs to be understood in that context.

        On the more general question of what standards for harassment/assault we should have, one idea some feminists have discussed is that any catcall that involves an intended action upon a woman’s body is crossing a line. So the fact that he said he wanted to ‘slap her big tits’ would count as an intended action. Whereas if he’d just said “nice ass”, that wouldn’t be crossing the line. I think that would count as a new feminist standard that would be a big improvement over the current system but also couldn’t be misused to just randomly attack all men. If that was put in a new legal category similar to assault, then it would make it acceptable for women to respond however they see fit as a form of potential self-defense or prevention, as Lauren did.

        Oh and I have to say the argument that “some men might react violently” as a reason for not letting women set the terms, is just typical victim blaming of women in my opinion.
        If women are ever unlucky enough to be victim of those types of men, frankly I think that’s exactly when we should be fighting dirty and looking to get them hard in the balls to incapacitate them. That way they can’t do any harm.

        Ok, rant over. Again, I’m so sorry for filling up your page Michelle. Although I’d love to know if you disagreed with anything I’ve said here.

      • Hi Helen! I appreciate you coming in and sharing more of the back story. It was hard to speak on the full story, I didn’t want to make assumptions, but was trying to put the info you did give me into perspective. Knowing more about Lauren’s brother, I can completely see why she reacted the way she did. And I do think these things are important to talk about. Personally I don’t agree with violence. Not to say that you shouldn’t defend yourself if someone puts their hands on you. Yes then you physically should fight back. But men throughout life are going to say stupid things as I pass by. I choose to just walk by and keep walking. I will sometimes give them “the look” as I do. But so often in this life you never know who you can run into and as much as I would want to say my piece, I don’t trust them. They could be crazy people and then I could end up putting myself in more danger. [I am referring to the cat calling in the streets that I have experienced]. I do understand there are other more intense forms of cat calling. Now, if a man were to put his hands on me, then that would be a different story. Then the self defense would be a MUST.

      • Lol, you’ve changed your position entirely now. You started by saying that it was cool that she kicked her brother in the balls. Now you say you don’t support any violence.
        Those are contradictions, are they not?

      • To be honest, I can see what you mean. I guess I didn’t know the full story. And I was quick to say sure kick him, he was rude. The comment was filthy. But I am big enough to understand that there are other ways to resolve issues without violence. I own when I’m wrong, or when I may have misspoke. Instead of pointing fingers, I ask that you try to understand the female perspective here. Yes cat calling isn’t always so tragic. But you make it seem like women who view it as a negative thing are wrong. We are not. Just because you know women who enjoy it, does not mean we all do. It is offensive to many. But I can see from this back and forth we just don’t agree. We can just leave it at that.

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