Anyone who stumbles upon this blog recently, would think of it as a fashion/lifestyle vibes type blog. The truth of the matter is on some days it is. These are things I am interested in and this blog is basically an open diary featuring things I love and care deeply about. But at the root it is supposed to be a safe place to tell the stories I have been harboring in my heart and soul and notebooks for years. Or the stories I get inspired to write day by day. And because of this, I feel like my blog motto has taken a bit of a blow over the past few months.
Lately, (and I know I’ve posted things like this before) I have been neglecting writing my own stories. It’s something I’ve been avoiding. Coming up with excuse after excuse, first it was well I’m starting a new job- I need to get acclimated, then it became well now I’m just too busy to write, (life is too crazy, too much is going on, *hint hint* Dear Michelle, this is your clue- all the more reason to write down your feelings) and now I don’t know maybe it’s the summer slump that’s getting to me.
Writer’s block is real. But I think this is bigger. This isn’t the first time I’ve struggled to create [what I feel] is worthy content, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. But this feels like a bit more than a block. It’s not so much like I haven’t had ideas, I always have ideas floating around in my head. It’s just that when I sit to start a blog post, there’s nothing there. And I end up looking for fashion inspiration and doing a post about that instead.
That pilot script for my own television show I’ve been meaning to write since I was in high school has yet to get started. My short story series “On The Run” I started back in March, has been on a halt. Every time I start a series, I end up going on a hiatus for a longer time than I should. It’s like I lose momentum, or I’m just too lazy to take the time to finish. Sometimes I can have a great story idea and I will even jot it down, but I never write it up. Often times just the thought of sitting at a computer for hours drumming out a story, just is too much of a tall order and I decide against it and instead decide to watch my favorite tv shows and obsess over the love stories of my favorite couples. (*hint hint* Dear Michelle, but what about YOUR characters, what about their love stories.) Not to mention that my blog posting schedule has been all over the place lately. Ugh, I hate when that happens, I really do.
It’s terrible to have to feel the guilt of finally admitting to myself that I am a writer and then feeling as though I’ve bailed on it completely. I feel like I’ve been struggling with inspiration lately. As I mentioned this has happened before and I’ve pushed through it, so I know I will this time too. But it doesn’t make it any easier, to go through it. Sure life gets busy and it becomes easy to neglect our passions. But I imagine creative people with creative souls go through this vicious cycle every now and again. I’ve seen the many YouTubers talk all about it. It’s just a funk.
In fact a quote by Anne Tyler comes to mind in this moment while I sit and ponder why a writer doesn’t want to write…
“If I waited til I felt like writing, I’d never write at all.”
That’s what it is. I’ve just been waiting. Waiting to have time. Waiting to feel less tired. Waiting to get everything just so, in my head BEFORE writing it down on the page. Waiting for inspiration to strike. Waiting- to write. The truth is the only thing that is going to help me break this bullshit streak, is just to nip it in the bud and write. Just write. Even if it sucks. And start the scripts I’ve been writing in my head for basically half my life.
Who knows maybe this post was my therapy. Writing this post is like my version of a girl going through a bad breakup who decides to burn all her exes pictures and letters. Haha. I find that when something is getting to me and feels like a weight on my back-pushing me down, preventing me from reaching my full potential and I write a blog post about it, it’s kind of like me releasing it into the world and admitting it to myself and realizing that it’s something that either just needed to be said, or something that I feel I need to spend my time working on and improving. For the past year and half I have put so much work into bettering myself and conquering my anxiety over certain aspects in my life. This is currently the main issue I need to put my focus on. I have faith that I can conquer this one too. Hey I’ve done it before. I can certainly do it again- only this time, I’m going to do it better.
And for anyone dealing with their own personal writer’s slump, may your pen be mightier than that sword you feel has pierced your creative soul.
*I do not take credit for the image used.*