They say writers often write the things they cannot say.
Or that they write in times of grief and tragedy.
In times of great joy or confusion.
I suppose I’ve done this many times.
Do you ever think to yourself – what does grief look like?
I am sure you have painted a picture of it in your head.
Your picture, the colors you’ve chosen to blend together, the emotions you choose to feel, or the feelings you just happen to come by.
But can we as human beings who are flawed by nature, truly give an accurate description of what grief actually is and what is should feel like?
The truth is it’s different for everyone.
We struggle in different ways.
I always struggle with doing what I feel is the right thing to do.
Should I do this?
Should I be there?
Should I say this?
Or do that?
I usually strive to always go with the answer yes and follow through.
But in times when I don’t the guilt arises.
Grief and dealing with those emotions of loss and feeling confused and hopeless are never easy. For anyone.
They are never just so.
Never perfectly one sided or crystal clear.
They are murky and layered with struggle and obstacles.
I guess what I am trying to say is we need to step away from our little self inflicted pictures of what should be done and see that everyone handles things differently.
You do what you have to do.
You do what you feel is right.
And god is the only one who can judge that.
I have strong beliefs in always doing the right thing, and I fall short many times, but the right thing for me may not be the right thing for someone else.
If someone is struggling with something, or coming to grips with something difficult it is not my place nor anyone else’s place to judge them.
I wouldn’t want someone to judge me.
And it is so easy to point fingers and blame in times of hurt and pain.
But we all have walls.
Whether we believe it or not.
We all have things we don’t always feel we can handle.
We often dive into the realm and needs of self preservation.
When someone leaves us, will we be able to handle it? Or handle seeing that person go through such and ordeal of deterioration?
Humans have mastered many things, but dealing with grief and loss isn’t one of them.
I suppose generations will not change that.
There are things we will never understand.
Reasons why people get stricken with long term illnesses.
Why this family?
And we will never know.
And in these times we struggle and despair.
We are confused, we are angry, we place blame on God, on others, on ourselves.
But is that any use?
Unity, love, family, that is what we need to focus on.
Even if you’re not there, if your heart is there- god knows it, they know it, you know it.
And prayers for a safe return home to you are sung throughout those unified hearts.