BLOGMAS -Day 1- Christmas Bucket List

Happy December Jolly Friends!

So I know I’ve been neglecting this blog for the past month or so, and although I’ve just recently gotten back into it, I want to make a greater commitment to you, to this blog, to myself.

So I decided to try out BLOGMAS. Just to see if I can actually keep up with it.

What is BLOGMAS you may ask…

Well if you are into YouTube then you’ve definitely heard of VLOGMAS, which is basically a vlog style video every day in December leading up to Christmas Day. So basically a 25 days of Christmas for YouTube. 

BLOGMAS is the same just with blog posts, instead. 

Now, I know that VLOGMAS is usually Christmas centered, and although some of my posts will be Christmas related, I will have some others posted throughout the month. I won’t just be sticking to Christmas related topics. Besides, I still have a short story series that needs to get finished…Catch up on “Move,” HERE

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Today’s post is going to be… 

My 2017 Christmas/Winter Bucket List

Decorate

Buy Christmas presents early

Buy cute Pajamas

Buy a new ugly sweater

See the Christmas lights in the neighborhood

Watch Christmas movies

Buy a new ornament for this year

Buy a Christmas drink(s)- Eggnog!

Go see the Rockefeller Tree

Listen to Christmas music

Burn/Buy more Christmas candles

Look up fun treats to make

Go to Polar Express

Build a Gingerbread house

Send out Santa Mail to the kiddies

Buy a real Poinsettia 

 

-<3-

 

Fall Inspired “Pumpkin Party”

This past Friday, October 13th! I hosted a little girls night in for me and my best friend. And I went all out! [Check out my Fall Haul] I was in need of some serious festive fun to get me out of my funk. 

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This is my table scheme. 

Tablecloth, Pumpkin Sign, Small Pumkin: Rite Aid (50% off)

Sparkly Leaves: Christmas Tree Shop

Candle: Bath & Body Works

Banner, Pumpkin Plates/Napkins & Leaf bouquet: Local 99 cents store

*All treats were found in my local supermarket.

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I just made some labels to put onto my clear cups. I just wanted to dress them up! 😀

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I got some apple treats to break off the pumpkin flavors. Just in case we wanted a little something different. I also got Pistachio Almond Ice Cream because it just spoke Fall Vibes to me.

I also set up a Mini Bar:

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My best friend also brought a bunch of delicious treats too- two bags of boom-chicka-bop, brownie brittle, party cake ice cream, pumpkin pop-ems, and a bottle of sangria with some frozen fruit. Needless to say we pigged out and everything was delicious! My favorites has to be the Apple Cider and the Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins. 

For dinner we kept it simple and ordered some pizza! 

We continued our girls night in with an old school sleep over like when we were kids, we still do that every now and then, because sometimes you just need to pig out, stay up late talking about all life’s dramas, and watch some rom coms on Netflix with your best friend! The next morning we made a mean breakfast and watched two Netflix movies. (It was a double feature.) 😉

We kind of went with an unintentional Christmas theme…

First up- The Christmas Spirit

Next- Holiday Breakup (The guy low key looks like Nick Jonas!)

And can I just say OMG! Each one started off pretty rocky, we wanted to change them both within the first 10 minutes, but I’m so glad we stuck it out. They definitely have that Hallmark movie feel to them…but sexier. Lol. Although looking them up now, I feel like they may be Hallmark movies, or maybe other people on YouTube are just as confused as me! Haha. They were both really good, and we just had a blast watching the hot guy in The Christmas Spirit and laughing at the Girl in Holiday Breakup, she was hysterical. What an epic best friends Girls Night In. And in turn I got my fall spirit back!

Let me know how you get into the fall spirit, and if you ever hosted a Fall inspired party!

*All images are mine.*

-<3-

 

Welcome Home-Author’s Commentary

DISCLAIMER: Welcome Home is not a real motion picture nor does it have a soundtrack coming out. This is just me living in my fictional happy writer’s world. Where I pretend and where I run the show. Haha. Back in college whenever I would hand in a script or be working with already written material/feature film scenes, my professor would ask me who I would have play the characters, where would it take place, what location? And so I think that kind of stuck with me, because as I write each of my short story series here on this blog, I want to include those aspects and give you a visual experience. Mysterious Attraction was my first shot at it, A Broken Heart For Christmas, and Love Conflicted followed, and most recently On The Run.

As a kid I used to say “Make Pretend” all the time. Make Pretend you’re a princess who slays dragons. Make pretend you’re a ballerina who bull rides. Make pretend you’re writing a screenplay and you get to pick the actors, and release a soundtrack and commentary that people have been anxiously awaiting. The options could be endless. So let’s “Make Pretend.” Enjoy!

I just re-read Welcome Home, in preparation for this post, and I have to admit, I was really happy with this short story series. It felt more structured and concise.

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Background:

Welcome Home premiered on Thursday, December 15th, 2016. It was a small string of random thoughts and characters I just had to get out! The story continued pretty consistently until Thursday, March 16th. Overall the story was featured on Thursdays here on michelle leigh writes for a span of about 3 months.

OFFICAL FULL CAST PROMOTIONAL PHOTO RELEASED 😉

Cast poster

 

Dream Casting:

Melanie Evans portrayed by Shantel VanSanten

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I fell in love with Shantel when she played Quinn James on One Tree Hill. I think she had this purity about her acting and she is such a natural beauty. She also does sassy comedy really well too. I really thought she would bring someone like my character Melanie to life.

Oliver King portrayed by Jason Thompson

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I don’t know where to start with this guy. I adore him. I fell in love with Jason when he played Dr. Patrick Drake alongside love interest Dr. Robin Scorpio (Turned Drake) on General Hospital. He is such a brilliant actor, I am still flabbergasted that he hasn’t won an Emmy yet. He puts his heart out there and he is so believable. Put him in a scene with anyone and you can see how he elevates the material in his acting choices. How he interacts with them, and uses his body language to convey a believable relationship. I can’t tell you how many times, I’ve rewatched him and Kimberly McCullough’s (Robin) many scenes together from General Hospital as they displayed quite the love story. So freaking amazing!

Supporting Roles:

Cassie portrayed by Hilary Duff

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Hilary Duff, what can I say? Loved her since Lizzie McGuire. And that show basically shaped my childhood. She was one of my idols growing up. And she holds such a special place in my heart. She has grown into such an incredible feisty actress and you can tell that she’s done so in a really classy way. The way she handles the more mature topics of life on her new hit show Younger with comedy and sass, is just so damn good. So I knew that she could be the perfect face for Cassie- the sassy, bold, tell it like it is best friend. You know me and how my best friend roles are always sassy!

Dave portrayed by Derek Hough

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I had Duff in my head and I knew Cassie would soon need a love interest too and in pairing her with someone, Hough seemed like such perfect fit visually. I love Derek Hough, I have swooned over him on Dancing with the Stars so many times. I’m sad he’s not on this season. He is such a huge talent and inspiration. I would love to see him featured in more films throughout his career! Hey Derek- I’ll have my people call your people! 😉

Molly King portrayed by Brooklyn Rae Silzer

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This kind of happened by accident. If you know Jason Thompson as Patrick Drake, then you know that he and Robin have a daughter named Emma. Brooklyn plays the role of Emma. And when it came to editing pictures of a child with Thompson and Van Santen, I just thought it seemed completely obvious to have Brooklyn be viewed as Melanie and Oliver’s daughter Molly. She is such big talent! She is sassy and sweet and is sure to grow up to be a huge name! Just like McCullough did! She started her career as a kid on General Hospital.

Aspects I Really Liked:

Reading it back, I was really happy with the way there was some foreshadowing and reveals throughout the story’s unfolding.

For example…

Throughout the whole first few chapters you don’t know what happened between Melanie and Oliver. We never know why they broke up. We know they were engaged, we know they had a past and that they haven’t really seen or spoken to each other in a few years. I like how it keeps you guessing, until he says it- they loss their baby.

I also like how you don’t really know if she’s pregnant again, you expect it, but then she looks at the test and cries at the end of the chapter which can make it go either way. And then at the beginning of the following chapter we start with a funeral type scene and it makes you think she lost another child. Soon you find out it was a flashback to Cody’s memorial. And then we time jump into a new life with Melanie and Oliver and their new baby girl.

I think the foreshadowing worked nicely and kept the suspense going. I’ve said it many times, I write these short story series as if they were a movie, and so these types of foreshadowing, flashbacks, jump cuts would work well I think.

I also thought that I was able to portray bits of their lives, pasts, careers, etc, throughout the story. So often I feel like you have to give it all in the beginning, but I realized that doesn’t work either. You have to disperse the information little by little, when needed. So what I tried to do this series is implement backstory when it made most sense. For example, through conversations we find out that Melanie is a writer and Oliver is a photographer. Melanie’s writing has suffered since her tragedy so we don’t see her writing. Oliver is said to be snapping pictures now and then. I don’t think these things have to be super prominent as long as there are mentions, we get the gist. The story is bigger than this.

We also find out how they met in college through Oliver’s best man and Melanie’s maid of honor speeches. I really love that story Oliver tells, it serves a lot of purpose to the story, and to the relationships within it- Cassie/Dave and Oliver/Melanie. I love love love it! You can just see the scene of how they all met play out in your head.

I really love how we finally get the story of how Melanie and Oliver broke up, as she reads the first passage of her book “Operation Forever,” at her first book signing. We never really knew how she left, and this was my way of answering that question without actually having to force a flashback. Her book title, is a bit of an Easter egg and ode to their little discussion when they got engaged.

“I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel real, ya know. To be this in love.” She says smiling brightly up at him through watery eyes.

“Yea I know the feeling. I guess we’re just going to have to get used to the fact that we’re stuck with each other, forever. It’s all a part of my evil plan.”

“Ah, I see. Operation forever.”

“Something like that. But I’m sure we could think of a better name than that.”

“What- why I like it.”

“Well if you like it, then I like it.”

Flashbacks however are utilized when needed, and they are brought on by familiar moments-déjà vu, or scenery from her home town. The first Chapter we see her have a flashback to she and Oliver in their own apartment, engaged, during happier times. And it is brought on by watching her reflection as she puts on some lip-gloss- a menial task she’s done many times in front of him as he would watch and admire.

Then throughout her home coming she is catapulted into many memories, memories she’s tried to stay away from. She sees their names carved in her front porch, and remembers the first time he told her he loved her and that he wants to be with her forever. At home in her living room, in front of the fireplace, she has a flashback of them making love, walking through town she sits in the gazebo and remembers when he asked her to marry him. All of these things make her feel and in turn make us feel because we see how much these two people love each other. And how painful it is for them to not be together. But I also really love that these flashbacks were placed well, within reason, and were brought on by her familiar surroundings.

Through more conversations we see how close they really wore, how they had the same friends, how her family took him in and welcomed him on school breaks, how he knew her bedroom pretty well and they “broke some house rules” every now and then as teens. 😉 Oliver even makes mention to the fact that he will “crawl into her window” at night if he has too, which makes us realize this was something he may or may not have done as a young teen in love. Oliver bakes her, her favorite sugar cookies and knows her obsession with New Kids On The Block. He knows her mom’s cooking and how they go all out for holidays. There is so much history there between these two and you don’t have to see their whole relationship to know that.

“What?”  “Nothing.”

This is something I revisit this dialogue exchange a lot throughout the story, and their relationship. A lot of the times it’s Melanie who catches Oliver watching her and says What? And in turn he says Nothing. It’s a bit of a flirtation and a cute game for them. And it resurfaces a few times between them. Even at the end, when it’s reversed and Oliver realizes how annoying it can actually be. Lol.

Timeline:

Speaking of Holidays, I think I was inspired by them when I wrote this. I had written a good portion of the first chapter or so, before I posted and so I was in a family holiday mood. So I took that inspiration and the holidays kind of built my timeline. We Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. There are certainly time jumps in here too, but I think that’s only natural, for this kind of coming home, and coming into your own skin story. We need to jump around so we can see the characters grow and learn to better themselves.

Slideshow Feature:

I also think utilizing the slideshow feature in the last chapter was my way of showing their lives together and the things you missed. (Yes, I know some of my edits are super crappy and bad, but I tried, haha.) This tactic helped me fill in some blanks. In my head I just saw the scene playing as if it were in a movie- a time jump and then a happy family at home, as you see pictures of their lives together dress their walls. Their child growing throughout the years along with their love. Notice most of the pictures look professional, because you know Oliver King was like Um excuse I will be taking all my daughter’s professional pictures, thank you. Haha. Did you spot those Paris pics? – Another little Easter egg to show he actually took her like he wanted to.

“God I’ve missed this town.” Oliver says smiling looking around.

“Missed it? I thought that you were living here?”

“I was. For a long time. I still have a place here. But work kinda takes me all around nowadays. I’m kind of a nomad.”

“I see. Traveling must be nice though.”

“It is. It’s really amazing Mel. I’ve been to Ireland, Italy, and France, I stayed at this little bed and breakfast in Paris, the couple that ran it were two of the sweetest people, and every morning they would make me blueberry waffles, sausage and bacon. And my room, it overlooked this little lake, it was breathtaking. You would have loved it.”

“I’m sure I would have,” she says smiling up at him.

“Maybe one of these days, you’ll let me take you there.”

“Maybe.” She says looking away, fidgeting with the cup in her hands.

“Always forgetting your gloves.” He says noticing and smirking at her.

Within the slideshow we also see an image of Baby Boy Cody’s sonogram which means he is still part of them and their family which was important for me to show, because that loss was such a big part of their lives, their love and this story. And I love that they each have Cody tattoos, they got separately, to honor their son. It shows they think alike.

Love Scenes:

I back tracked and looked at what I wrote for my last short story series- On The Run, and when it came to writing love scenes, this is what I wrote… [One of these days, I won’t blush while writing a love scene. I won’t hide in a corner shielding my computer screen from curious eyes. I won’t feel ashamed of what I’m writing. I find that when I write a love scene, I continuously edit myself. What if a family member of mine reads this? Oh my god what will they think? The people in my life have a certain perspective of me. I’m a pretty reserved personality, and so writing these scenes would be something they wouldn’t even think I do, or can do. So there’s a barrier there for sure and I feel like I need to work on being more free and not so constrained and worried about what people will think. If anything hopefully they can just realize that what I’m trying to do by writing these scenes, is to craft a beautiful love story.] In many ways this still applies, I need to work on this and I definitely still edited myself a lot this series. I had written much more juicer material, but I wanted it to read with a certain tenderness and I felt that would get lost in the lust factor, so I edited it. However, I do still think I am getting better at writing love scenes, because even reading the love scene back today, I was surprised I left certain things in. With that being said though, I still think it reads the way I wanted it to be read, a couple so in love they can’t contain it. I don’t think it reached a trashy point.

Themes:

Coming Home/Finding Home, Family, Friendship, Hope, Loyalty, Heart, Unconditional Love, Forever, Fear, Creativity, Soulmates, Heart vs. Head, Overcoming Obstacles, Tragedy.

As you read this series any of these themes can pop into your mind, Melanie is so torn. She has the whole world at her feet, family and friends waiting to support her, her dream career in her grasp, a man so in love with her he’d wait forever for her, but yet the heartache of losing her child years ago force her into a stubborn isolation. She had a lot of soul searching to do, that unfortunately she needed to do on her own.

Oliver is her ray of light, her hope, he loves her unconditionally and he is not willing to let her sit in that dark black hole of isolation for too long. However, you can see that he knows how he has to play this. He can’t just pounce. She’s already used to running, and she will continue if anyone makes any sudden movements. So you see him pull back here and there. He knows when she needs to walk away. And it baffles Melanie that he could be that understanding. He’s pretty perfect. But not without his faults, he is human. There are moments where you see him falter. We see him not be so understanding, but in the same breath he takes on the blame, so that she doesn’t have to, and even then Melanie pulls away because she can’t comprehend his unwavering love.

It isn’t until he backs off completely that she realizes she needs him. When she finds out she is pregnant with another one of their children. And when she actually chooses to include him in what is going on. Once she finally admits she needs him not only to him, but to herself, the whole story kind of becomes well rounded. Things are full circle and all the stress is forgotten as they embark on their journey together. Because he was never going to give up on her, he just needed her to come to him.

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Friendship is always a factor in my stories, there are always the supporting roles- the best friends, because I think our main characters need somewhere to go and vent. I think I would have liked to explore some more conversations between Oliver and Dave. Now that I think about it I’m sure Oliver would vent at times. How could he not! Melanie drove him crazy! And Dave was part of the whole reason why Melanie and Oliver met in the first place, he knew their story. I think friendship is always such a strong consistent theme in my stories, because it’s a strong theme in my life. I have a core group of friends who I go to with everything. I have a best friend, I’ve known since kindergarten, hence the childhood best friend inspiration. #CassieAndMelanie.

Character Building:

I feel like it’s easy to relate to both Oliver and Melanie. There’s a push and pull between them. They have so much love and attraction between them. And unlike my last short story series On The Run, these two didn’t just meet, they’ve known each other for many years. They have a really heavy past and they know things about each other that form a very sexy, real, loyal bond.

It’s easy to hate on Melanie, I think. She left. She ran. And continues to do so for the better part of the series. She wasn’t there for the man she loved. When he obviously continuously put her first. It’s definitely a frustrating concept. She even lets Oliver think they are getting back together after what happened between them on Christmas. But there is this really complex nature about her that I hope is displayed to the audience. I wanted her to be conflicted. She didn’t run because of Oliver, she ran because of herself. Because she wasn’t herself. Because she was worried she wouldn’t be able to give him what he deserved; a family. She knows what she’s doing, she knows she’s hurting him- she admits it, but she can’t help it, because of the pain that weighs on her heart.

So in that sense, I feel like you can put yourself in her shoes, and understand why she has been acting the way she has. It’s not that she doesn’t love him. She does, but she’s caught between that and her pain. She pushes him away because she can’t handle reliving it.

Oliver has a really beautiful evolution I think. I really love his character. And I think if this were ever made into a real short film, Jason Thompson would kill this role! There’s this intense vulnerability in Oliver. He loves with everything in him. He’s made up his mind about Melanie a long time ago, it’s just he’s waiting to make his moves.

“You’re my forever, plain and simple.”

He lets her run, he lets her have her time. But he is always there if she needs him… when she needs him. And after years he still held onto that love and that loyalty. As I said he seems pretty perfect, but he’s not without his faults. And eventually he reaches a point where he tells Melanie that he can’t do it anymore, but even though she believes it, he knows it was just another tactic on his part. A heat of the moment type of thing.

“You’ve been kind of distant today, I guess I understand, but I have to admit, I am surprised.”

“I’ve learned to let you come to me. I figured if I kept my distance long enough you might miss me,” he says smiling.

Oliver has a lighter heart, he tries to make Melanie smile, and remember the good. He doesn’t dwell on the negative. With that being said, it’s not that Melanie’s miscarriage didn’t affect him. It did, but he chose to take his pain into his own hands and get the help he needed, and in doing so he was able to understand things from Melanie’s perspective. He even states that he knows it’s more difficult for a woman, she physically experiences the loss. Oliver remains strong and lets her lean on him, and that’s why we never see exactly how he handled it, but we know what he had to do to handle it. The story isn’t about his pain, it’s about theirs and how he will love her through hers no matter how much she pushes him away or how long he has to wait.

The main themes of love, hope, loyalty, friendship stem from everything these two people in love have between them. It’s everything they are. It’s a forever love story that can withstand all the pain and distance life throws their way. It’s a story about coming home, finding home, not just in a place, but in someone else’s heart.

Description/Imagery:

In my last Author’s Commentary (which was for On The Run), I wrote BE MORE DESCRIPTIVE! And reading Welcome Home back, I feel like I listened. The story is set mostly during the holiday season in a small town in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. You get a feel for the holidays by the scenery description of her childhood home and her walks through town.

What Needs Work:

I can always work on description, even though I’m improving. Timeline, is always tricky for me. I feel like you can get lost in time jumps and life events, and school years, and misjudge years. But hopefully I did ok, in this one. I will keep better track of this next time! As well as continue to learn about writing effective love scenes that fit the love between two charcters.

Final Comments:

I’m really proud of this short story. I think it was more thought out, and paced nicely. It ran here on michelle leigh writes for 3 months, and my posting schedule was pretty consistent. I feel like it was the most consistent of any of the short stories I’ve written. Let’s dive in and show you what I mean…

Chapter 1- posted on Thursday, Dec. 15th, 2016

Chapter 2- posted on Thursday, Jan. 5th, 2017

Chapter 3- posted on Thursday, Jan. 12th, 2017

Chapter 4- posted on Thursday, Jan. 19th, 2017

Chapter 5- posted on Thursday, Jan. 26th, 2017

Chapter 6- posted on Thursday, Feb. 2nd, 2017

Chapter 7- posted on Thursday, Feb. 9th, 2017

Chapter 8- posted on Thursday, Mar. 2nd, 2017

Chapter 9- posted on Thursday, Mar. 16th, 2017

I kept to posting on Thursday, this way to allow other categories time on my blog and not saturate it with one thing. I posted consistently one chapter a week for the better part of the series, give or take a few which even then the longest break was no more than 3 weeks.

In other words, I think I’m slowly conquering the dreaded hiatus drama! Hallelujah!

So there you have it, my in depth Author’s Commentary.

Welcome Home Says Goodbye.

JK…Stay Tuned for a separate Soundtrack post…COMING SOON!

Thank you for reading!

Catch up on Welcome Home from the beginning HERE

And get a sneak peek at my next short story series HERE

*I do not take credit for any images used in my edits or otherwise.*

-<3-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2016 Memory Jar Review

First off, HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!!!!!!

I cannot believe it is already 2017.

 

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My camera year is wrong…should say 2016, ignore that mishap. :/

 

As I sat down on New Year’s Eve to sift through my memory jar- a bandwagon that I finally hopped on two years ago- I was amazed at how little I felt like I did, because of how quickly I felt the year had flown by. It was a blur for me. But as I dove into these colored pieces of paper, the many memories came flooding back….and a lot actually happened. It’s so easy for us to get wrapped up in the holiday bit at the end of the year, that we forget all the memories we made throughout the year.

So here are some of my most favorite memories- (in no particular order!)

 

*My 2016 Highlights*

 

Took my god daughter to see Trolls- “Sophie’s big girl movie date”- Trolls, went to a diner, and saw the Christmas Lights with my family.

 

Had a little Walking Dead Season 7 Premiere Party but… RIP Glenn still heartbroken: / haven’t watched an episode since then, but my party looked awesome. Read my post HERE!

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Celebrated my grandmother’s 83rd birthday with a whole bunch of family.

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I made a few job changes and had to bounce around a bit, which was a bit difficult but finally found a place where I am happy for now, it was for the better- I’m building a work family and have made some great friends. Read my post on “adulting” HERE!

Finished two short story series-On The Run & Love Conflicted (-premiered in 2015 but carried over into 2016)

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Started a brand new series- Welcome Home (-first chapter premiered in 2016, rest will be continued in 2017)

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My best friend Roe got engaged!!!!

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Went on a massive family trip to Great Wolf Lodge and had a blast! (vlog will eventually get edited!)-Read my post HERE!

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Why does my camera have the wrong year? How do I fix that?

Sophia Bush retweeted my tweet and my phone blew up….

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My brother got married and he and his wife bought a house.

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I entered one of my scripts into a writing contest! (although nothing came of it, it was a huge leap that I took, and I was really proud of myself for facing that fear.)

I got free movie passes for covering a story in my local theater, my best friend Jenny and I saw Finding Dory in 3D…because why not?

I’ve realized that I can overcome my anxiety on my own, but the help that I have received has been a gift I will continue to utilize.

My best friend and I finally saw Bethany Joy Lenz in concert and WE MET HER! #LifeGoal –Read my post HERE!

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Fuller House seasons 1& 2 are killin’ the game #NetflixIsDangerous

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I went for bridesmaid’s dresses for my friend Jenny’s wedding-I was asked to be her maid of honor last year.

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I went on The Polar Express with my god daughter and other family members. (vlog will eventually get edited!)

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I worked for a summer camp, and my kids made some really great story books for my creative writing class.

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I hosted a Gilmore girls: A Year in the Life- Netflix revival….viewing party- Read my post HERE!

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I got a vlog up on my YouTube channel, and have been vlogging more, but editing has been a slow process. I WILL GET THERE!

I finally got to pretend to be a YouTube vlogger and did a Mini “Vlogmas” from Dec. 23-Dec. 31 into 2017 (Stay Tuned!)

My brother and I started to shoot the first installment of our zombie short, but it got halted because…. #WeddingCraziness #BridalShowerCraziness

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michelleleighwrites turned 3!!!!!!! Read my post HERE! (It’s turning 4 in a WEEK!!!!!!)

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 Justin Timberlake released new music & a video – Can’t Stop The Feeling! (he also produced the soundtrack to Trolls (What a beautiful, fun loving film, highly recommend seeing it!). Read my fangirl report HERE!

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Valentine’s Day Girls Nite In with my girls.

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Celebrated my Aunt Mary’s birthday  with some dinner at her favorite Mexican restaurant and had some Pepsi- her favorite drink. Love you Aunt Mary, Miss you!

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Bruno Mars new album, listening to it as I write. So obsessed! #24KMagic #Chunky #ThatsWhatILike #VersaceOnTheFloor #Finesse LISTEN

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Rocked some obnoxious Christmas Lights for the holidays. #BestDecisionOfMyLife #5BucksWellSpent #ShoutOutToStrangerThings

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Received some handmade Christmas cards from my students.

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30th Birthdays Celebrations- We hosted a big family dinner for my sister in law and went on an AC family trip for my brother.

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Family BBQ’s!!! #Cousins

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Best Friend Weekend. – Even at 25, my best friend and I still keep our sleepover tradition going. It started off going to the Zumba class that my best friend teaches, then we had some dinner at her house (BBQ chicken my fav at their house hold-like old times), next we watched our favorite tv show One Tree Hill until 4 AM, Went for breakfast the next morning, got manicures, and shopped a bit. It was so nostalgic and it was just what we needed. #BestFriendMiniWeekend #RoshellWeekend

That Zumba class tho-I had been trying to get to one, forever!

Britney’s back bitches! #GLORY album is just….EPIC! Read my post HERE!

glory

Rainbows.

Pineapple float- #SOTRENDY

float

 

Took my mom to see the Radio City Spring Spectacular- it was her mother’s day gift and it felt really great to be able to do that for her. What a brilliant show. Visually stunning!

ny-spectacular

Got hooked on Murder Mystery 13 Part Series American Gothic- so damn good! #SHOUTOUTTOBETHANYJOYLENZ

american-gothic

Started Stranger Things #NetflixIsDangerous

stranger-things-on-netflix1

 

Attended my best friend’s engagement party.

jennys-engagement-party

Continued with the annual chop.

 

Dressed up in Hawaiian theme attire for my cousin’s birthday party.- Read my post HERE!

hawaiian

Finally got to rock the yellow, red, blue look I’ve wanted to try for forever! Read my post HERE!

red-yellow-blue

After the chop, had to try out some new hair do’s – Reverse Space buns.

reverse-space-bums

Marina Squerciati answered my tweet, (cuz we’re besties) ;). #thathashtagtho

marina

My parents treated me to a massive birthday dinner at my favorite restaurant. Got my big gold number balloons too! #BlackAndGold #Family #Friends Read my post HERE!

massive-selfieballoons

 

That TWD finale tho. #WHOISIT? Read my feels HERE!

whoisit

Started an unintentional tradition of taking massive group family photos/selfies.

family-photosgroup-shotbbq

 

Bridal expos with my bestie. #MaidofHonor #OnCall

bridal-expo

 

My cousins from Florida surprised us with a quick visit!

florida-fam

 

Curvy Barbies (and other body shapes and sizes) are a thing! #FINALLY #Variety

Read my post HERE!

curvy-barbies

 

That *NSYNC picture. #reunion #myheart

 

nsync

Met our newest family member! My god daughter is a big sister!

pauly

Started watching a few new tv series- This Is Us (I have to catch up, I’m so behind) and Shades of Blue.

shades_of_blue_tv_series-478926440-large1636133801832911681-2127604802_284091

*****

Damn a lot can happen in a year. I am grateful for the blessings 2016 has given me. Of course it wasn’t all marshmallows and honey all the time, but I still fought through obstacles and made beautiful memories. Cheers to 2017, may it be beautiful and happy and healthy for all of you, filled with love and inspiration and success. See you soon friends!

*Most images are my own.*

-<3-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Broken Heart For Christmas Pt. 6

Read Part 5 HERE.

broken heart for christmas

Lucy tossed and turned all night long, replaying her conversation with Dean over and over in her head.

She wakes up the next morning with what she could only classify as a broken hearted hangover.

Seeing him again was both electrifying and painful. And now she knows she’s bound to run into him again in their small town, their first meeting didn’t go so well. But deep down Lucy knew that even then, oddly enough, she still wanted to be around him, and couldn’t wait to be in his presence. Lucy walks downstairs to meet the family in their kitchen for breakfast as the day of Christmas festivities will soon begin.

*****

Lucy and the family are in the town square for the carnival.

She looks at her phone as sees its 11:30 a.m.

She smiles and dials Kinsley.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you on your way?” Lucy says anxiously awaiting her friend’s arrival.

“Already here.” Kinsley says walking up behind Lucy.

Lucy turns and runs over to her, giving her a hug.

“Whoa, it’s like you haven’t seen me in a year or something?” Kinsley says laughing.

“I have some things to fill you in on, and I may need some advice too.”

“Uh oh. Ok, lay it on me.”

“Not here, later, we’ll talk a walk?”

“Sure.” Kinsley says noticing as Dean walks past and over to his dad who is setting up a game station for the kids.

As Lucy sees Dean from the corner of her eye, her heart beat quickens. She smiles and walks away to the other side of the square.

Kinsley walks over to Dean.

“Hey Sanders!” Kinsley calls out in her usual rambunctious tone.

Dean turns, his eyes widen seeing the familiar face.

“Kinsley Jones, holy crap how are you?”

He embraces her in a friendly hug.

“Not bad. You?”

“Been better,” Dean says nodding knowingly.

“Ah still pining over Lucy, huh?”

She points over to where Dean’s eyes fall on Lucy who is helping to set up a bake sale table.

Dean sighs as he gives Kinsley a stern look.

“Hey I just call it like I see it.”

“I’m the bad guy right? I broke her heart. Never mind the fact that I asked her to marry me. Yea. No one ever hears my side of the story. I loved that girl. So much. You know how rare it is, for a guy that age to want to get married?”

“Maybe that was part of the problem.” Kinsley says.

Dean ponders as Kinsley walks off to say hi to some old neighbors, Dean locks eyes with Lucy from across the way. She looks away after a beat. Dean sighs and walks over.

“Hey.” Dean says.

“Hi.”

“Will you walk with me?” Dean says his puppy dog eyes melting her.

“Yea. Sure.” Lucy joins him as they work through the town, seeing all the fun rides, games and stands.

Snow slowly melting, Trees decorated, the smell of hot chocolate filling the air, as Christmas carols are heard through town.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I had an entirely different idea of how that conversation would go. I have always wondered when I’d get to see you face to face again, and I am sorry for how I acted.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“Lucy I get that this is hard for you…it’s hard for me to, seeing you, being around you after all these years. But we don’t have to hate each other. I’m just trying to make the best of the holiday.”

“I don’t hate you. Do you hate me?”

“No. Far from it.” Dean says looking at Lucy as he leans a little closer to her.

Dean’s phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Hey son, I need you to run home and just pick up my tool box for me.”

“Sure pop, I’ll take care of it.

Dean turns to Lucy.

“Hey I have to run to get my dad something. You wanna come with me?

“Oh um…Okay sure.”

Lucy and Dean get to his house to find it empty.

He grabs his dad’s tool box from under the sink and turns to Lucy.

“Can I get you anything?” Dean inquires.

Lucy stands waiting in the arch way between the living room and kitchen.

“No. I’m good thanks.”

She gives him a small smirk.

He stops and stares.

“What?” Lucy notices as Dean’s eyes look her over and she begins to feel anxious.

He walks over to her pulling her into a kiss.

Lucy is shocked to say the least. She goes to pull away but Dean grabs her waist and pulls her back in, deepening the kiss. Lucy reciprocates her arms wrapping around his neck.

Dean pulls away looking up over their heads, as Lucy sees the mistletoe.

“You don’t mess with tradition, not in Oakland Valley,” he says smiling.

“Is that all that was?” Lucy asks breathless.

In one swift move Dean lifts her onto the counter kissing her yet again, leaning into their embrace.

“What do you think?” He says in between kisses.

Soon enough Lucy and Dean are in bed together, as they kiss, they continue their love for each other, finding familiar territory.

A little ways later…

Lucy and Dean lay still, trying to catch their breath.

“Wow.” Lucy says.

“That was…that…was really good,” Dean says looking over at her.

“Mmm Hmm.” Lucy says, smiling brightly.

“Is it me or was that better than I remember? I mean we were always really good together but this was more intense than usual.” Dean says staring at Lucy as his eyes wander.

Lucy smiles covering her face in embarrassment.

Dean laughs, rolling his eyes at her.

“We had sex…you and me we just had sex…” Lucy says still in slight denial.

“Yeah pretty much.”

“How did that even happen?” She says baffled that they could go from zero communication to ripping each other’s clothes off in a matter of a few hours.

“Come on Luc- we were never really good with keeping our hands to ourselves. Well I mean at least I never was. Put me in a room with you and those eyes- who knows what can happen?” Dean says raising his eyebrows.

Lucy stares at him, her skin flushed, her hair a wreck, her heart beat accelerated. There’s a feeling of blissful happiness within this moment, as she stares into the eyes of the man she loves. And soon she remembers, the pain, and her smile fades.

“Why’d you do it?” Lucy says glancing over at Dean with sad eyes.

“Why’d I have sex with you?” Dean asks confused. “I kinda don’t think I have a choice, when it comes to you. It’s not something I can control,” he says smirking.

“No. Why’d you end it between us?” Lucy asks, nervous for the answer to the question she’s had running through her mind for the better part of their years broken up.

“I knew you wanted more than Oakland Valley. And you deserved to explore without having me around to distract you. I knew if we stayed together I’d hold you back.” Dean says sighing as he looks away.

“Ok, I guess that’s admirable, but that should have been my decision. Not you just deciding what’s best for me.”

“I thought I was being selfish trying to keep you in this relationship. I just wanted you to be happy, in whatever way possible. Your happiness was always my goal. And for a long while it seemed like maybe I wasn’t the one that could make that happen.”

“How can you say that? I was always happy when I was with you. I loved you.”

“I loved you. So much. But Lucy I asked you to marry me, and you said no.”

“I didn’t say no.”

“But you didn’t say yes either.”

“We were young, ok it didn’t have to be all at once, all or nothing. We had time to wait, or at least I thought we did.” She says her anger spiking.

“Lucy, I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you. My decision was never a punishment.” Dean confesses.

“Did you really have to join the army? I mean I get it- outta sight outta mind but, but you deploying ruined me. One minute you’re telling me how much you love me and how you wanna be with me forever and the next you were just gone. I didn’t know where you were. If you were okay. There was no form of closure.” Lucy says her heart spilling into Dean’s hands.

“It wasn’t about doing it to get you off my mind. In fact you were the only thing on my mind, every second of every day Lucy. Enlisting was about doing something that I knew I could be proud of myself for. Doing something worthy. If I couldn’t be your husband, I figured at least I could serve my country.”

“Let me ask you this. If I had said yes, would you have enlisted then?”

“Probably not right away, but eventually yes, after we got married.”

Lucy gasps, then sighs.

“Even if you would have said yes, it’s not like you’d give up on the dreams you had. I knew you wanted to move to New York and be a writer. I knew that was still there, still a big part of your soul. And I would never have asked you to give that up. So I figured while you were off being brilliant, I could do something to make you proud.”

“I have never not been proud of you.” Lucy says, her tone softening.

Dean looks at her, he takes her hand in his.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that you were just okay with going off in different parts of the world and not being with each other. That’s what made your decision feel like a punishment.” Lucy says trying to understand.

“I was hurt. Part of me knew you were right, that we were too young, but the other part of me didn’t care. I just knew I wanted to be with you, and sure you saying no was definitely a bruise to my ego, but it was also a wakeup call. And I knew that time was what you needed, and distance. I figured I’d do a tour or two and we’d be back together in no time. After I proposed and you said no, it was like a reflex for me to push you away. I knew I had made a poor decision, the minute after you left my room that day, in tears. I came after you, only to find all of our memories scattered across the dorm hall. I knew you’d never forgive me, and I figured if you really wanted to be with me, you’d reach out, somehow.”

“You broke up with me. I didn’t think you wanted me to reach out.” Lucy says confused.

“I don’t know. I guess I just thought that in some strange way we’d always end up back together. I thought you’d fight for me.”

“Did you fight for me?” Lucy says challenging him.

“Every day Lucy and you know that. You know how much I loved you. How much I wanted you. I wasn’t exactly shy about it.”

Lucy looks at him.

“What do you want, now? I mean I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say, or feel. Where do you want us to go from here?” Lucy asks.

Dean looks at her, he walks over and pulls her into a kiss.

“I don’t ever wanna watch you walk away from me again,” he says.

******

Town neighbors begin to get wind that both Lucy and Dean are home and begin to rally around them.

“Sing! Sing!” the crowd hollers.

Lucy looks at them.

Ava looped arm in arm with her new boyfriend, yells “Hey you don’t monkey with tradition, and I think this town deserves some spirit from the two of you. You haven’t been home in years.”

The crowd continues to cheer as Lucy’s family rallies behind it.

Dean turns to Lucy, “Whattaya say Luc- how about one song for all times sake?”

“I don’t know…” Lucy says visibly uncertain.

“Come on, we used to sing together all the time.” Dean says strumming his guitar as the town mayor heads one to him.

“There’s a lot we used to do together.” Lucy says.

They share a heated look for a second, Dean sighs as Lucy looks away quickly.

“Sing!” the crowd screams again.

“Okay, okay, one song.” Lucy says.

Lucy and Dean get up in front of the whole town, on stage in the center of the town’s square to sing as Dean plays guitar.

The crowd sings along to I’ll Be Home For Christmas as Lucy begins to feel completely at home, something she hasn’t felt in a long time.

When the song finishes Lucy walks off stage in the opposite direction as Dean goes to grab a cup of coffee, Kinsley comes over to grab one too.

Dean goes into his inner jacket pocket for his wallet and a small black box falls to the floor.

Kinsley bends down to pick it up for him.

Dean tries to play it cool.

“Uh…Thanks,” he says taking the box and putting it back into his pocket, as his eyes search the crowd for Lucy.

“Oh my god,” Kinsley says, in shock. “Is that-? That’s a ring. For Lucy.”

“Please don’t.” Dean says looking at her with pleading eyes.

“You’re gonna propose?” she asks completely thrown.

“I’m not exactly rushing to put my heart on the line again Kin. I’ve had enough rejection from that girl to last a lifetime.”

“And yet you’re still holding onto that ring…let’s be honest here Dean you came here with a goal…you knew she’d be home didn’t you?”

“I may…have heard it through the Oakland Valley grape vine.”

“So…what are you waiting for?”

“I’ve thought about her every second of every day since we broke up…do you know how hard it has been to try have a life worth living without her? I can’t take any more disappointments.”

“Well if it’s any constellation it hasn’t exactly been a picnic for her either.”

“Yes but see I’d never know that because she was never one to tell me how she felt. I was lucky I got an “I love you” out of her.”

“Is that really how you feel?” Lucy says coming up from behind them.

“I’m gonna go, you two really need to talk,” Kinsley says walking off.

Dean sighs hanging his head.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that. I was just venting.”

“About me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Tell me the truth. Is that how you feel?”

“Sometimes. A lot of the time.”

Lucy’s face falls.

“Well then I’m the one who’s sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way, I promise. I guess I just always felt like I needed to keep my distance, because…because well you always felt too good to be true.”

“Yea. I know the feeling,” he cups her face looking into her eyes.

“Dean-”

“I love you. It has always been you. But I can’t keep going on like this. Being strangers who pine over each other. I’m tired of being miserable. I’m tired of being afraid to come home because the thought of losing you again makes me just continue to stay away. I’m tired of living with half a heart. I want you. I want you and me together forever. And if that scares you then tough. I know you love me, I can feel it in the way you look at me, in the way we move together. And after all these years to still be able to know these things and say these things, has got to stand for something. You had your time, you had your distance. You got three years to miss me. So I’m only gonna ask you this one more time. Because this is it Luc- this is our last shot.”

Lucy looks at him.

Dean stares into her eyes questioning her mind.

He smirks knowingly and kneels down on one knee.

“Lucy Michaelson you drive me absolutely insane. From the moment I met you, I looked into those green eyes of yours, even though we were young I knew you were someone special. Your eyes drew me in, and I knew I could look into those eyes, for my whole life. You have tested my loyalty and my love for years. And because of you I know that I am capable of fighting for what I want, for what’s important. I love you, crazy anxieties and all. And I want you to be my wife. So…instead of being so worried and scared of the future why don’t we just embrace it?”

Dean opens up the small ring box as Lucy gasps, clasping her hands over her mouth.

“Will you marry me, damn it? Just marry me? And we can figure this whole life thing out together.”

Lucy begins crying and laughing as she kneels down to meet him in a kiss.

Dean pulls away looking at her questioning.

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a hell yes,” she says laughing. “And for what its worth, I’ve missed you too.”

“I figured,” he shrugs in cocky fashion, as he winks. “I think we should seal the deal with this-”

He says as he slides the ring on her finger.

Lucy smiles.

“Oh my god, baby it’s gorgeous. Is this- my ring?”

“You never did get to see it.”

“It’s perfect. You kept it all this time?”

Dean nods.

“Of course I did babe. Let’s just say I had a feeling our story wasn’t over yet, I knew one of these days my charm would wear you down.”

Lucy smiles kissing him as everyone around cheers and rushes to congratulate them.

“It’s about damn time!” Kinsley screams as everyone laughs.

A few minutes later Lucy walks off to the side, to make a phone call.

“Hello?”

“Cami, I have some news I think you’re gonna wanna hear.” Lucy says as Dean walks up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist. He kisses her cheek.

Lucy holds her phone out as she turns on video chat, showing off her engagement ring.

“I’m engaged!”

Cami screams.

“Oh MY GOD!”

Lucy laughs.

“Dean this is Cami, Cami this is-”

“College boyfriend Dean, I know.”

“Hi Cami, nice to meet you, I’ve heard good things. But College boyfriend? Really that’s what I got demoted to?” Dean says looking at Lucy.

Cami looks on confused.

“Well I mean we did officially start dating in college so that’s not entirely untrue.”

“Wait am I missing something?” Cami says, confused.

“I may have lied, a bit. I kind of implied that I met Dean when I was in college, and that it was just a college romance. But in fact, Dean and I grew up together here in Oakland, we were best friends. I mean but we never really thought about dating until College.”

“Um… really… we never thought about dating? I sure as hell did,” Dean says.

“Then why didn’t you say something, all these years?”

“Because I had to wait for you. You had to be ready. I know you very well Lucy.”

“You sure do. I love you,” Lucy says.

“I love you.”

She leans in to kiss him.

“And hey look-now you’ve been promoted to fiancé.”

“Lucky me.”

Lucy smiles kissing him.

Cami still on the line, starts laughing, “Wow you guys are disgustingly cute, when’s the wedding?”

*************

Lucy and Dean steal a moment away from the celebrating, to be alone. They walk through town, Dean finds a quiet spot and pulls Lucy to him by the waist, he kisses her slowly.

Lucy in turn pulls him to her by his coat collar as she reciprocates.

She turns to him.

“What?” he says, knowing the wheels are starting to spin in her head.

“Are you going to have to deploy again, anytime soon?”

“No. I put in a good amount of years. It’s time for me to settle down, make some plans. And finally marry the love of my life. I’ve waited a long time for you.”

Lucy kisses him.

***************

*One Year Later…

Lucy and Dean are in NYC in her old apartment. The tree glistening, the fireplace crackling, two glasses of wine on the coffee table. They both sit on her couch, in front of an open laptop; skyping with their family back in Oakland.

“Are you coming home for the holidays?” Lucy’s Mom asks.

Lucy and Dean look at each other

“No,” they say in unison.

The family looks sad.

“We’re coming home for good,” Lucy says and Dean smiles brightly kissing her.

Everyone cheers in complete shock and joy.

Dean and Lucy pack boxes as her apartment slowly because emptier and emptier. Wedding rings glisten upon their hands as they move boxes toward the door to be taken out. Lucy places a few last minute items into a box, as a focusing of their wedding photo is displayed.

As movers begin to come in, the remnants of the apartment begin decreasing as a lonely Christmas tree without any ornaments is the only thing left. Underneath the tree lies a gift box. Lucy and Dean stand in the middle of the living room, his hands cross her stomach as he nuzzles into her neck.

“You ready Mrs. Sanders, Kinsley’s downstairs, she has the car all packed up.”

“Yes I’m ready Mr. Sanders, let’s go home,” she turns kissing him softly.

“Come on sexy we have a lot of work to do for the new house,” Dean says taking her hand and leading her to the door.

“I know, I get to decorate!” Lucy says excitedly.

“Oh no, I meant we gotta start making babies, because we have a lot of rooms to fill,” he says his eyes lighting up.

“Oh.” Lucy says rubbing her hands along Dean’s chest “Okay,” she smiles, raising her eyebrows, she kisses him, wrapping her hands around his neck, as he moves closer to her.

“You better walk away from me, before we never get out of here, girl.” Dean mutters into her lips as she continues to kiss him.

Lucy cocks her head back with a laugh.

“God, I love you so much,” he says more seriously, looking into her eyes.

“I love you. So much.” Lucy says cupping his face and looking back at him with admiration. She gives him a quick peck on the lips and pulls him toward the door.

A few seconds later Lucy rushes back in and grabs the box under the tree.

In the car ride home, Lucy opens the gift box, in it lies a framed black and white photo of Silvia and Lucy. Lucy is wearing a wedding dress. The box also holds a card that reads-

Dear Kind Eyes,

Here’s just a little reminder of our friendship which has blossomed over the past year. I was so honored to be able to share in your special day. I’m so thrilled that we managed to keep in touch. I knew that you and your true love were meant to be from the way your eyes told your story. And being able to witness such a love in person brought me back to a time I remember well. He’s a good one, hold onto him tight. And never be afraid to love with all your heart.

God Bless, See you soon,

Love,

Silvia.

Lucy smiles as she looks over Silvia’s gift, Dean looks over from the driver’s seat, a sleeping Kinsley in the back. Dean takes Lucy’s hand and kisses her wedding rings. Lucy smiles leaning over and kissing his cheek.

As the car continues to drive down the journey of a new life with the man she’s always loved. Their future in front of them.

*The End*

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Thanks for reading!

*I do not take credit or any images used in my edits or otherwise.*

-<3-

A Broken Heart For Christmas Pt. 4

Read Part 3 HERE

broken heart for christmas

Lucy sits in the airport her stomach a ball of nerves, as she anxiously awaits her flight.

She pulls her cell phone out and dials.

“Hello?” The familiar voice of the other end, somehow manages to calm her.

“Kin-?”

“Hey love, what’ up? Where are you? I just got in and was surprised you weren’t here.”

“I’m at the airport. I’m going home.”

“Wow. So you finally decided to grab the bull by the horns, huh? Your mom must have gotten to you.”

“Well it was a bit of a mixture of my mom and Cami. Cami thinks that I’m still holding onto everything that happened with Dean.”

“Well aren’t you?”

“Oh come on, not you too Kin? You’re the one person I can count to calm me down.”

“Look I’m not trying to upset you Luc-. But let’s be honest. I’m the only one here in New York City that can say I knew both you and Dean. I’m the only one who knows what happened between you two back home. The only one who truly saw how you were when you were together. I know that you need closure.”

“And you never thought to express these concerns over the past 3 years since Dean and I have been broken up.”

“Well… I like to let you breathe. I think when you find things out on your own time, you listen to your heart more. I also know that you and only you can decide when you are ready to dive deeper.”

“Well aren’t you just full of surprises?” Lucy says slightly rolling her eyes.

“This is something you’ve been avoiding for years, it’s time… you’re ready. Whether you think so or not, you’re ready.”

“I hope so. I kinda wish you were coming home with me. I could use some back up.”

“Well you are in luck, I just bought my ticket. I’ll be there about 11:30 tomorrow morning.”

“Really?” Lucy asks excited, yet relieved.

“Well I’m always the one that goes home for the holidays, it’s you who I have to drag kicking and screaming, remember?”

Flight 326 to Oakland Valley Minnesota is now boarding, a woman’s voice is heard over the loud speaker.

Lucy sighs heavily and stands, heading towards the terminal.

“Ok well… that’s me. I should go.”

“Ok. Just remember to breathe, you got this. Have a safe flight.” Kinsley says her confidence in Lucy shining through.

“Wait…Truth time?” Lucy states.

“Shoot.” Kinsley notes in response.

“Kin, can I do this? What if he comes back, what if by some cryptic way of faith he’s back in town this year. Can I really do this? Could I really face him?”

“Yes. You can. I promise you.”

Lucy sighs.

“Lucy, what are you so afraid of?” Kinsley pushes for a hidden truth.

“I’m afraid that if I see his face again, I’m just going to fall apart.”

“Well that’s what best friends, chocolate, and wine are for. To pick you back up, when the world knocks you down. You’ve got this. Now go.”

Lucy hangs up her phone and walks toward the entrance to the terminal. Her heart beat quickens as she hands her ticket in.

On the plane Lucy sits at a window seat. She checks her watch; 9:30 p.m.

“Ok, Oakland Valley, Minnesota is a 2 ½ hour plan ride. I should get there by midnight,” Lucy whispers to herself. “2 ½ hours to prepare myself. Ok you can do this.”

An elderly woman finds her seat next to Lucy as she smiles kindly, Lucy reciprocates.

A stewardess comes over soon after.

“Hi, thank you for flying with us today, please keep your seats and strap yourselves in for take-off. Can I get you ladies anything at the moment?”

“Yes, a glass of red wine would be nice.” Lucy says leaning back and sighing.

The elderly lady near her notices.

“And for you ma’am?” The stewardess asks.

“Oh I’m quite alright, thank you.”

“Ok, so just one red wine, coming right up,” the stewardess says with a smile and walking off.

Lucy looks over nodding forcing a smile toward the stewardess.

Lucy’s body and mind are restless, she sighs trying to calm down and settle in.

“Nervous flyer?” The elderly woman says looking over at Lucy.

“No, not really. I just have a possibly anxious situation waiting for me, back in my home town.”

“Ah, an ex- lover, I presume?”

Lucy nods.

“Is it that obvious?” Lucy inquires.

“Not to many. But I’ve killed long. I’ve loved. I’ve lost. I’ve met plenty people in my lifetime. When you’re as old as I am, you learn how to read people. You my dear have kind eyes. People with kind eyes see the world differently. They believe the very best in people. So often so, that sometimes their hearts get broken pretty easily.”

“What would you suggest for someone in my position?”

“Continue doing just what you’ve been doing. Love, leap, it’s the only thing that makes you truly feel alive. Everything else; money, status, materialistic things, it all goes away. Don’t doubt yourself so much either, trust in yourself, trust in your ability to get everything you want. These days in age, women can have it all, it doesn’t have to be job or marriage, anymore.”

“How did you-”

The elderly woman smiles kindly, knowingly.

“You’re a good read, right.” Lucy says smiling.

“You keep being yourself. Follow your heart, you’ll be just fine….” The elderly woman says waiting for Lucy to reveal her name.

“Lucy.”

“Lucy… hmmm, what a beautiful name. You know there’s a Saint Lucy. She’s known as the protector of sight. In fact Lucy hails from Lucia which comes from the Latin word “lux” which means “light”. It’s funny how things just come full circle don’t they, kind eyes?”

“My mom actually named me after her, she said that when I was born she looked into my eyes and just knew my name was Lucy.”

“Mother’s intuition never lies.”

“Do you have any children, Mrs…” Lucy drowns off realizing she still has yet to find out this woman’s name.

“You can call me Silvia. And yes I do have children, two daughters-twins.”

“Ah so you’re no stranger to dealing with heartbroken women?” Lucy laughs slightly.

“No, I am most certainly not. But my advice to you, came straight from personal experience. When I was young, I’d say around my late teens to early 20’s, kinda like you. I fell madly in love with a handsome boy. A few short years later, he became the father of my daughters. He was a solider. I found out I was pregnant, just after he deployed. And I wrote him a letter telling him the good news, and promising him that when he got home, we’d get married. He used to ask me jokingly to marry him throughout our relationship, I would laugh and tell him we were just a bit too young, but in good time. I never heard back from him. About a month or so went by. As my little babies grew, so did my worry. Soon enough I was delivered the news that he has been killed in battle.”

Lucy stills, unable to hide her shock.

“Silvia I- I’m so sorry. I don’t have any words worth saying.”

“I’m not telling you this to make you feel sad, I’m telling you to help you understand, that sometimes you have to take the risk, if you truly love someone, trust in that love to last you through any hardships. We always regret the what- ifs. If you love him, you have to fight for him. And in turn if he fights for you, you know it was meant to be.”

“But what if he doesn’t. What if he never really did?”

“Maybe he just wasn’t given a chance?”

“How do you find the strength to face the pain though, I mean you lost the father of your children and still managed to raise them and move on with your life. I on the other hand feel like I’ve just stopped in time ever since Dean broke my heart. In that time I graduated college, moved out of my hometown, started an independent magazine, and yet I still feel like I’m stuck living in this painful nightmare. And then I hear your story and I feel like I am just being so completely childish and selfish. That none of this really matters. My problems seem so trivial. And here I am boring you with them.”

“Oh hunny, you most certainly are not. Everyone goes through different challenges in life. Different things that affect them in different ways. Things that shape who they are and who they are to become. As you get older you realize how to accept things more, take things as they come, and value the time you did have with the people you were lucky enough to love. I may have lost the love of my life young, but I got to experience a love like no other.”

Lucy smiles slightly, her eyes watering a bit, she looks down.

“Tell me something Lucy, this Dean boy your talking about, did you love him?”

“Yes, very much. Sometimes, I think I still do.”

Silvia smiles, “And what made you fall in love with him?”

Lucy stills, she hasn’t let herself think about that in a long time.

“He knew my heart. I could go to him for anything. He was my best friend. And he had this way of looking at me that would just give me butterflies, every time.” Lucy smiles, remembering.

“Oh, he sounds like a good one.” Silvia says smiling brightly.

“Yea, he was.” Lucy wipes a tear as it falls and sighs.

“I’d hang in there a little longer. You may not know it yet, but I think your happy ending is right around the corner, just you wait.”

Lucy smiles.

“Thank you Silvia, you are an incredible soul.”

“As are you, kind eyes.”

Lucy smiles, turning toward the window, she looks out into the dark night sky, and twinkling stars as she has a flash back to a time when she and Dean took a trip to Vegas together.

Dean sits next to Lucy on the plane, he takes her hand as she looks at him and smiles.

“So you excited?” he asks.

“Yes. I hope we win some money.”

“Yea that would be nice. I mean I’d like to put a ring on that finger of yours.”

Lucy blushes.

“Lucy.” Dean calls staring at her.

“What?” she says hanging her head and avoiding eye contact.

“Why does that bother you so much, that I’d like to marry you some day?”

“It doesn’t bother me, I just-”

“Really? Because every time I mention it, you avoid it, you avoid me,” he says sinking in his seat to catch her eyes with his.

“I don’t think we’re there yet, I mean we’re still young.”

“Okay, understandable. Is that it though, or is there something else?”

Lucy looks over at him.

“There’s nothing else. I love you.”

She leans in and kisses him, cupping his face.

Dean cups her face in return as he deepens the kiss.

“Can I ask you a question?” Dean says pulling away.

Lucy looks at him.

“Don’t worry, it’s not will you marry me?” he laughs.

“Ok… what is it?”

Dean kisses her teasingly.

She looks at him.

“Have you ever fooled around on an airplane?”

Lucy’s eyes go wide.

“Dean, we can’t,” she looks around to notice if anyone was listening.

“Sure we can,” he smirks kissing her again, and grabbing her hand he stands up. “Follow me.”

Lucy gets up and follows after him as they walk back towards the bathroom.

Dean opens the door and Lucy runs in. He looks around before following, sliding the door lock as the occupied sign displays on the outside.

He looks at Lucy and smiles, raising his eyebrows as she laughs.

“I can’t believe you. Are we really gonna do this, here?”

“Hell yes. Come here.” Dean says pulling her waist to him and kissing her.

“Red wine, ma’am?”

Lucy is brought back to reality, as the stewardess hands her a glass of wine.

“Thank you,” Lucy says with a faint smile, “I’m gonna need this,” she whispers to herself taking a gulp.

To be continued…

*I do not take credit for any images used in my edits or otherwise.*

-<3-

A Broken Heart For Christmas Pt. 3

Read Part 2 HERE.

broken heart for christmas

Back at her apartment Lucy sits in front of her fireplace, the wood burning a golden amber as the smell of fresh pine floods the house. Back home it was always a tradition for Lucy and her family to have a real Christmas tree every year. So ever since she left she made sure to continue the tradition. It just made New York City feel like home.

As she sits there sipping a glass of red wine, trying to wind down from the day and the added stress that’s been weighing on her, Lucy’s mind begins to wander.

“Maybe you just don’t want to move on,” she hears Cami’s voice echoing loudly in her head.

Lucy gets up and walks over to her hall closet, she opens the door and takes out a small decorative box, walking back to her couch, she sits down, pondering whether or not she can actually face the contents inside.

Upon opening the box, pictures of her past hit her like a ton of bricks.

Lucy takes a deep breath in as she picks up a photo of her and Dean, spending Christmas together and smiling brightly.

Lucy’s phone rings, disrupting her walk down memory lane.

“Hey mom,” she says answering it.

“Hi hunny, how was the rest of your day?”

Her mom stands at her kitchen counter mixing a batter for fresh cookies. There is flour everywhere, and her Christmas apron is tied around her waist.

Lucy smiles to herself as she hears the faint sound of Christmas songs   playing in her childhood home, over the phone.

“Stressful…yours?” Lucy says with a slight sigh.

“Well you know – the usual – busy Christmas season at the shop, everyone loves their real trees!”

“Of course, I know the feeling well,” Lucy says walking over to her own tree and feeling a branch. Leaning in she smells the fresh pine scent.

“How’s the tree stock this year?” she asks.

“It’s wonderful we’ve got Norway Spruce, Douglas Fir, Noble Fir, Cedar, Monterey Pine, and Sierra Redwood, your father has a really good selection this year.”

“Oh well that’s good. I’m sure the town is really excited about that!” She makes an effort to be cheerful.

“Hunny have you decided if you’ll come home? I really truly think it’ll be good for you.”

Lucy looks over at the photo laying on her coffee table, along with the rest of the box of mementos she shared with Dean over the years.

“You promise he won’t be there?” Lucy asks, the pain in her voice evident.

“Oh sweetie, I can’t make promises based on other people’s actions, you know that. All’s I can truly attest to is that he hasn’t been home since he left. But I can promise that we will have the most magical Christmas together as a family. Just like old times.”

“Just like old times, huh?” Lucy ponders with a smile, looking at the twinkling silver lights on her tree.

“Mm Hmm.”

“Not for nothing, I could really use one of Grandma Addie’s famous s’mores hot chocolates, right about now.”

“Oh perfect! …Does that mean you’ll come?”

“I guess so,” Lucy laughs.

“Hunny I can’t tell you how happy that makes me! I can’t wait to tell everyone!”

“Tell them I can’t wait to see them.”

“I most certainly will, you just call when you are on your way and someone will be there to pick you up at the airport.”

“Mom, it’s really okay the flight isn’t long at all, I can just take a cab over.”

“Are you crazy? You haven’t been home in over a year, someone will meet you. You know we give proper welcome homes here in Oakland Valley.”

Lucy laughs, knowing not to challenge her mom.

“Ok, mom, I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too! See you soon.”

Lucy hangs up the phone. She sighs and dials another number.

“Hello?”

“Hey Cami… did you ever buy that ticket to Oakland?”

“Already done boss, confirmation is in your email if you check it.”

Lucy laughs.

“How’d you know I’d end up going?”

“Because you need to.”

“Thank you Cami, and Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas boss.”

Lucy hangs up the phone and looks back at the photos of her and Dean.

“Please, let this be the right thing,” she whispers to herself.

Lucy drags her feet across the floor and into her bed room, grabbing a suitcase from her closet she begins to pack and head home.

To be continued…

*I do not take credit for the images used in my edits or otherwise.*

-<3-

 

A Broken Heart For Christmas Pt. 2

Read the first part HERE

broken heart for christmas

Later on that morning Lucy sits at her desk at work. Phones ringing around her. People bustling by, busy with their daily duties. But although she sees and hears, she’s transfixed in a blank stare.

A female colleague approaches her door, she knocks.

Lucy doesn’t budge.

Her colleague, slightly confused, waves her hand it front of Lucy’s face.

Again Lucy seems distant, distracted.

“Knock, knock, anyone home?” she says, with a slight laugh.

Lucy jolts back to reality with realization.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry Cami, what can I do for you?”

“Are you okay boss, you look kind of spaced out?”

“Cami how many times do I have to tell you, just call me Lucy. We’re not that formal here,” she laughs.

“Yea, yea whatever, boss,” Cami winks “So what’s with the spaced out look on your face?”

“Oh I’m fine. I guess I just have a lot on my mind. And with the holidays coming up, I’m just a little more stressed than usual.” She forces a smile.

“Oh I completely understand, I’ve been trying to hustle my way through these last few days of work, so that I can have a peaceful few days with my family.”

“Well regardless of what you get done, the magazine can survive. Take whatever time you need, you deserve it.”

“Hmmm, I was just about to say the same thing about you.” Cami smiles.

Lucy laughs.

“Seriously boss, you are the hardest working editor in this world, you need a break. Besides don’t you have a big fancy Christmas waiting for you back in your home town… where is that again?”

“Oakland Valley, Minnesota.” Lucy says with a slight fondness in her voice.

“I bet it’s one of those small magical towns that does Christmas justice, huh?”

“Oh yea, decorations go up December 1st, and festivities last all month. There’s a Christmas carnival and a big parade…” Lucy says with a sparkle in her eye her voice drowning off as she remembers.

“Sounds pretty special,” Cami says nodding along.

“It definitely is, I think that’s the part that I miss the most about living in a small town. You come to the big city and the holidays just become so…”

“Corporate?”

Lucy pauses and looks up at Cami, in awe.

“Yea, yes, that’s exactly the right word.”

“Boss, I’ve lived in New York City all my life, people come here for the glitz and the glamour and it’s nice and all believe me, but sometimes you need more. You need substance. And YOU need to go home and pack, and get the hell out of this office for the next couple of days. Like you said the magazine will survive. The people of New York can live without its daily dose of All Things Girl Gossip.”

Lucy looks at her knowingly and laughs.

“You are right. But let’s just say there are a few thinks back home that, I’m not exactly ready to face just yet.”

“Ooo…gossip?” Cami’s eyes light up as she makes her way further into Lucy’s office, taking a seat.

“No. Just-”

“It’s a guy isn’t it?”

“Why… why would you say that?” Lucy says looking away as she fidgets with papers on her desk to avoid answering.

“Well considering the fact that I’ve worked for you for the past year, I’ve picked up on the minor detail that you don’t really have a social life boss,” Cami says matter of factly.

“What- I do too…” Lucy says feeling insulted.

“Oh really? When was the last time you went out on a date?” Cami asks challenging her.

Lucy ponders for a moment, “Oh… just last Thursday, I went out to dinner with-”

“That was a business dinner, not a date.” Cami folds her arms.

“Ugh, what do you know?” Lucy says resorting to childish antics and pouting.

“Considering the fact that when I asked you if you not returning home- in what is it- over a year now right? Has anything to do with guy, you totally wigged out …yea I’d say it’s all about a guy.”

“Ok, fine, you caught me, it’s about a guy… that I used to know.”

“And by know, you mean dated?” Cami states.

Lucy glares, “-But he doesn’t live there anymore and he hasn’t been back there either.”

“Ok so then what’s the problem?” Cami notes the obvious question.

“It’s the memories that we had there. Oakland is my home yes, but it’s also where I met Dean and where I fell in love with him. And it’s also where he broke my heart.”

“Is this Dean, college boyfriend Dean?” Cami asks leaning into the conversation.

“How do you know about that?” Lucy asks narrowing her eyes.

“It’s an office, people talk.” Cami says trying to make light of it.

“Talk about what?” Lucy says surprised, baffled even.

“About office romances, how hot mailroom Bob is, and… how- to- get- the boss out of her dating rut.”

“Wha-”

“Besides your Facebook is an open book, it’s not like you’ve bothered to delete any photos of him or anything, there’s your evidence.”

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe this, so everyone just knows.”

“Well I wouldn’t say they know anything, I’d say they speculate things. I mean we don’t know how Dean hurt you, we just know that you were together in college and then you weren’t. And it seems to me like you may still be carrying a torch for him. Maybe that’s worth looking into?”

Lucy glares at her.

“Ok I am not still carrying a torch for him. I hate him. I hate him for what he did to me, for how he hurt me. And I don’t care to relive that, thank you. And I think it’s insensitive for people to talk about things that involve my personal life, behind my back. It’s unprofessional.”

“Ok boss, all due respect but we aren’t professional here. We’re all friends. We all care about each other, we care  about you. This is home. You instilled that in us. “We’re not that formal here” remember?”

Lucy softens.

“We love you and we just want you to be happy.” Cami says reaching out for her friend’s hand.

Lucy takes it and smiles.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry. It’s just-”

“I hit a nerve.”

“Yea, you hit a nerve.” Lucy says.

“Well at the risk of overstepping my boundaries, I am going to say one more thing, and I ask you to please not hate me.”

“Okay…” Lucy says reluctantly.

“Maybe the reason you haven’t dated since Dean, is because there is still a lot of unresolved things between you too, that are preventing you from moving on.”

“I-” Lucy stops pondering.

“Or maybe you just don’t want to move on.” Cami says as Lucy’s eyes widen.

She sits back in her chair, in shock, and possible realization.

“Should I book you on the next flight out, boss?”

Lucy looks at her not knowing what to say.

To be continued…

*I do not take credit for any images used in my edits or otherwise.*

-<3-

 

 

A Broken Heart For Christmas

A Broken Heart For Christmas- a short story about a romance between two past lovers Lucy and Dean. broken heart for christmas.JPG

**5 Years Ago**

Lucy rushes into her dorm room, tears running down her face as her makeup smudges.

She grabs her laundry basket and dumps her clean clothes on her bed angrily, as she begins grabbing what seems like random items from around her room and throwing them in the basket.

Photos, dried up flowers, stuffed animals, mixed tapes and playlists, jewelry, the list is endless.

She fills the basket up and storms out of her dorm room again. She comes back a few minutes later, defeated as she slinks onto the floor near her bed, covering her tear stained face as she tries to calm her heavy sighs.

A heart was broken that night, and the worst part was, that Lucy knew it’d be difficult to bounce back from.

Dean walks into his dorm room, his head hanging low and his eyes watery. He sits on his bed and looks over at a photo on his end table. He is holding a smiling Lucy in his arms as he kisses her on the cheek. Dean leans over grabbing the photo and looking at it. He throws it on his bed and runs out of his room. As he runs through the halls of the student dorms, he sees a crowd of people gathering near the garbage shoot. He tries to pass, but he begins to see stares and hear whispers.

Dean turns to another guy, a dorm-mate of his.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

“You must have pissed off a certain brunette. Sorry dude,” He says bending down, picking up something and handing it to Dean.

Dean looks down and in his hand lies the same photo he had framed in his room, but this was Lucy’s copy.

Dean looks around as he notices everything he’s ever given Lucy over the course of their 2 year college romance, every trace of him, and their time together was either down the garbage shoot or spilled all over the floor of the dorm hallway for all to see. Like a massive display of humiliation.

Dean sighs.

Everyone notices his presence and starts to clear out.

**Present Day**

Lucy sits in her apartment near her window, watching the sun rise, as she sips her coffee.

Her roommate Kinsley walks out of her room in a sleepy slumber.

“Hey, what are you doing up?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Lucy jokes obviously exhausted.

“I just needed to get a drink of water. Are you still having trouble sleeping?”

“Yup, 2nd week of torture,” Lucy says in annoyance.

“Hmmm, I’m sorry. Is something on your mind?”

“I don’t know. I mean I feel like this seems to happen when I’m overly anxious about something. But I can’t really pin point anything,” Lucy says.

“Maybe it’s just the holiday stress. I mean Christmas is right around the corner, and there’s still so much to do,” Kinsley suggests.

“Yea maybe you’re right.”

“I’m sure it is. I mean what else could it be, right?”

“Right. Except I keep getting this feeling. Like I’m missing something. Like I’m forgetting about something, or I’m forgetting something that’s coming up.”

“Well maybe it’ll come to you if you don’t try and focus on it so hard. I’ll tell you what as long as I’m up, why don’t I make us some breakfast, while you grab a shower.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Hey, just go on. I don’t mind.” Kinsley insists waving her away.

“Thank you, you’re a lifesaver,” Lucy says walking toward the bathroom.

Kinsley is at the stove making chocolate chip waffles, scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns, and sausages. All the works.

Lucy walks out of her room and towards the kitchen, dressed in her workout clothes.

“This all smells amazing! What are you making a whole meal?” She says noticing the assortment of breakfast foods.

“Hey breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

“Thank you Kin,” she smiles grabbing some glasses from the cabinet  and the orange juice from the fridge and pouring them each a glass.

Lucy leaves her apartment building and begins walking down the street toward the park. She keeps a steady walk and then slowly turns it into a jog and escalates into a run, making her way toward the track in the park.

Lucy soon stops for a water break and hears her cell phone ring. She reaches into her sweater pocket, unzipping it and answering her phone, slightly out of breath.

“Hello.”

“Hi Hunny”

“Hey Mom, what’s up?”

“Are you okay, you sound winded?”

“Yea I’m good, mom, I’m just out for a run.”

“Oh ok well take it easy and drink plenty of water.”

“I know mom, I do this almost every morning.”

“Ok well just making sure.”

“What’s up mom?” Lucy sits on a nearby park bench, as she takes another sip of her water.

“Well the town is hosting its annual Christmas fair and parade this weekend. Did you not get my e-mail?”

“Oh mom, I did. I’m sorry work’s been really busy, and I haven’t been sleeping well. My head is all out of whack.”

“Well do you think you’ll be able to make it home for Christmas this year?”

“Mom, I don’t know.”

“Hunny you haven’t been home in over a year, don’t you miss it? Don’t you miss your family?”

“Of course I do. It’s just that I left a lot of pain there that I guess I don’t want to rehash.”

“Is this about Dean?”

“Mom, don’t okay?”

“Sweetheart it’s been years. He hasn’t come home since. I doubt you’ll run into him. Come home, please.”

“I’ll think about it, mom.”

“Okay,” she sounds saddened. “Well I just hope you don’t let your past with one boy ruin your memories of this magical town and let it prevent you from celebrating the holidays with the people who love you the most.”

“I’ll call you later mom, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Lucy hangs up the phone and jumps to her feet, continuing her run.

To be continued…

**I do not take credit for any images used in my edits or otherwise.**

-<3-