Welcome Home. -Chapter 8

Read Chapter 7 HERE

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Melanie sits in the church- still, silent- staring before her. People exiting out behind her.

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Oliver walks down the aisle as he nods and shakes hands with family members and friends who pass him.

He sits beside her, taking her hand, her diamond ring sparkling, he lifts her hand to his lips and kisses it.

“Sweet heart, what can I do?” he says looking at her.

Melanie sits staring straight ahead. After a long moment she speaks.

“I keep waiting for all of this to vanish, like a dream. Just poof gone. This is a dream. It has to be, right? Because if it isn’t, this is one hell of a cruel life lesson. What’s the point? Do we not love each other enough? Did we not deserve a child?”

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“Melanie, of course that’s not true. It just happened. We can’t explain why.”

“Well someone should be able to. I can’t, you can’t, the doctors can’t, and now what- God can’t? I just want to wake up. I need to wake up,” she says her tears exploding from her eyes, her body shaking.

Oliver’s eyes pool over along with her as he pulls her into his arms.

His grip on her tighter now more than ever, as the smell of incense burn, candles flicker, and white and blue flowers dress the room. A sign off to the side reads- In Loving Memory of baby boy Cody King.

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Present Day…

Melanie sits in a brightly lit room, gently rocking in her chair.

“Hey babe…so someone is a little cranky, I think she wants her mommy,” Oliver says walking into the room holding a perfect little pink bundle.

Melanie smiles brightly as she stands up.

“Hand her over, pops” she says stretching her arms out.

Oliver smiles.

“Pay up first,” he says leaning in, Melanie smiles, placing a kiss on his lips before taking the baby.

“Hello, my sweet angel, are you driving daddy crazy, yes you are.” She says in her best baby voice.

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Oliver smiles up at her.

“Stay there, don’t move,” he says running out of the room.

Melanie laughs as Oliver runs back in with his camera, he starts snapping away.

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“Babe, look up at me.”

Melanie looks up and smiles.

“Molly, baby, hi sweet heart, look at daddy,” he says holding a stuffed animal near the camera to try and catch her attention.

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Oliver sits in front of the fireplace, sleeping-his feet up.

Melanie emerges from the nursery, the exhaustion on her face evident.

She sees Oliver and smiles, crawling up next to him as he wakes up.

“She down yet?”

“It was a fight, but yes, finally out like a light.”

“Ah good,” he says wrapping his arm around her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep, pretty sure I came in here for something and then well-,” (he laughs)

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“That’s ok, you had her for a while, we’re a team, and it was my turn to tag in. You’re allowed to sneak off for a bit.”

“Really? Can I get that in writing?” he says looking over at her.

“Don’t get too used to it,” She says in her sassy tone bumping into him with her shoulder.

Oliver smirks.

“You know as hard as having a new born may be, and as tired as I am, I am happier than ever, I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Melanie looks at him and smiles, “Me too.” She leans up and kisses him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being my rock, for loving me as much as you do even though I drive you crazy, and for never giving up on me. I don’t know how you stayed so strong.”

“No biggy,” He smirks shrugging his shoulders.

“I’m serious, I don’t know who I would be or where I would be, had you not dragged me back into life. How did you get through it all?  I could barely breathe- let alone be without you and that last part was my own fault.”

“You did what you needed to do to get through it. And I did what I had to do.”

Melanie looks up at him with concern in her eyes.

“Like what?”

“Well, besides pining over you for years…(he laughs, as she rolls her eyes) I went to therapy- a lot of it.”

“You never told me that.”

“I knew you had tried it, and it wasn’t working for you. I figured you didn’t need me preaching about it. But it really did get me through, it made me understand things and see things in a better light.”

“I don’t think I gave it much of a chance. Besides the real thing I needed was you all along. I was just too scared to admit.”

“I knew you would come to me when you were ready. That’s why I never pushed it.”

“You’re amazing,” she says sighing in disbelief.

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“Hey, I promised you forever a long time ago, and I don’t break my promises.” Oliver looks up into her eyes, (he pauses) “Marry me?” he whispers.

“Really? You wanna try that again?”

“You sound surprised?” he says with a smirk.

“I guess I just feel like we have some things to resolve before taking that step.”

“Like what?” he says confused.

“Well, for starters I hope you know how much I love you, and I’m sorry for ever making you feel like your feelings didn’t matter…”

“Oh baby, stop it, its ok…”

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“No it’s not. Just let me say this…please…it’s been a long time coming, and I cannot become your wife unless we talk about this.”

“Ok well then, hurry up already,” he says with a smile.

“I was selfish. I let my pain overshadow yours and that was not my intention but I let it go on far longer than I should have. I allowed myself to put up walls that created a wedge between us during a time when we needed each other most. I was scared, and broken and I ran and continued running. I didn’t blame you, I blamed myself. And because of that I couldn’t see you, I was stubborn and overly determined to stay in isolation and independence. I want you to know how much I truly regret leaving you and us and how if I could take it all back I would. You have been so amazing and patient with me, just loving me through all this, even after all this time. And I will never be able to repay you for that, I know. I just hope that you know how much I appreciate you and your love and how I know this is the chance of a lifetime getting to be with you and our beautiful baby girl. I love you so much. And I’m so sorry.”

Oliver looks at her, “You know you’re wrong about something- there may be one thing you can do to repay me…”

“I’m all ears.” Melanie says, her eyes fixated on Oliver’s.

“Marry me?” he repeats.

“Does that mean you forgive me?”

“Even though there’s nothing to forgive, I know you, and you won’t stop until I say yes, so yes, I forgive you. Now will you marry me already?” he says his lips inching towards hers.

 “You don’t think it’d be like adding fuel to the fire, we’re already so exhausted. Adding wedding planning to the list…”

“I think it’s only right, we’ve got our baby girl, got a beautiful new house, the only thing missing is- the little idea of you finally becoming my wife.” (He kisses her)

“Are you sure you’re ready to deal with me every single day for the rest of your life?” she says looking up at him.

“Do you just not wanna marry me?” he says laughing.

“Stop it, I would marry you right now, in these sweat pants and this old Penn State t-shirt that has your daughter’s spit up all over it, if it meant that I could be your wife.”

“So then what’s stopping us?”

“I don’t know, nothing really. I just- I don’t wanna miss a thing with Molly, these are her first few weeks on earth, everything is just so new, and-”

“You’re a good mom, you know that right?”

Melanie shrugs.

“I try.”

“You don’t have to try, it’s just in your nature. Molly’s lucky to have you.”

“Hmmm,” she smiles, nuzzling into his neck “I needed to hear that.”

Oliver smiles.

“You know we make one hell of team, but she’s already obsessed with you, I can already tell,” Melanie says her eyes rolling.

“What, how?”

“You’re the only one she laughs and smiles for.”

“Are you jealous?”

“A little bit,” she says looking up at him with a grin. “Although I have to admit watching you with her, makes my heart burst, it’s everything.”

Oliver cups her face, and kisses her, laying her back into the pillows on the couch.

“Oliver, Baby… I smell like formula, let me shower first,” Melanie says.

“Mm mm,” he says shaking his head no-continuing to kiss her.

“Ollie,” she says laughing as he kisses her neck.

“You in my old college t-shirt…yea it works for me, (he says his eyebrows raise as he smirks,  Melanie laughs) You could be wearing rags and I wouldn’t care.”

“Oh well that’s good, because this begs some resemblance to rags that’s for sure.”

He laughs.

“It’s ok you won’t be wearing it for long.” He says lifting the t-shirt up over her head, tossing it to the side, as she laughs, she wraps her legs and arms around him as he kisses her.

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“Marry me?” he whispers again.

“When? And Where?” she says smiling up at him.

He smirks going in for another kiss as he reaches over into the draw of the end table.

He opens a familiar little red velvet box and Melanie’s heart beat quickens.

“I think it’s time this ring is home, where it’s always belonged, don’t you think?” 

Melanie nods quickly, tears falling down her cheeks.

Oliver smiles as he takes her hand, and slides the ring on her finger.

“Oh god, you still make my heart race, feel,” she says laughing as she takes his hand and places  it on her chest.

“That makes two of us, ” he says placing her free hand over his heart.  (Cupping her face, he kisses her passionately, as they slide back into laying on the couch.)

“That ring looks sexy on you.” 

Melanie smiles as she kisses him.

“So do you,” she whispers against his lips. 

Oliver smirks as he deepens the kiss.

 

*The conclusion of Welcome Home COMING SOON!

 

*I do not take credit for images used in my edits or otherwise.*

-<3-

 

Hallmark’s When Calls The Heart

I think I’ve made my love for Hallmark love stories pretty clear over the past few years here on this blog. Recently, I just got hooked on Hallmark’s Sunday night series-

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I remember seeing commercials for it here and there and always wondering about it. It wasn’t until my Titi Patricia told me she watched it on Netflix and loved it, that I was like- uh oh time to binge. And binge I did. Just in time for the 4th season premiere this February 19th!

Funny thing is Netflix only has 2 seasons available so I had to search my but off and watch the third season on YouTube- audio edited and small screen. But hey when your obsession grows, you do what you gotta do. Hats off YouTube. #InternetLoopHoles

Let me hit you with a little Wiki info to catch you up to speed:

When Calls the Heart is a Canadian-American television drama series, inspired by Janette Oke’s book When Calls the Heart from her Canadian West Series.

It tells the story of Elizabeth Thatcher (Erin Krakow), a young teacher accustomed to her high-society life. She receives her first classroom assignment in Coal Valley, a small coal-mining town in Western Canada which is located just south of Robb, Alberta. There, life is simple—but often fraught with challenges. Elizabeth charms mostly everyone in Coal Valley, except Royal North West Mounted Police Constable Jack Thornton (Daniel Lissing). He believes Thatcher’s wealthy father has doomed the lawman’s career by insisting he be assigned in town to protect the shipping magnate’s daughter. The town of Coal Valley was renamed Hope Valley in Season 2 after the coal mine was closed.

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Living in this 1910 coal town, Elizabeth must learn the ways of the Canadian frontier movement if she wishes to thrive in the rural west on her own. Lori Loughlin portrays Abigail Stanton, a wife and mother whose husband, the foreman of the mine, and her only son—along with 44 other miners—have recently been killed in an explosion. The newly widowed women find their faith tested when they must go to work in the mine to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table, and compile a wage for the town’s teacher. -Wikipedia.

Needless to say I watched the first episode and fell in love with it’s heart. No pun intended. It’s a show about a small town, so immediately  I was invested. It’s set in 1910 and you know my love for older generations is strong. Aunt Becky…is in it…and she is a total badass, so um there’s that!

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And don’t even get me started on the clothing….I am three seconds away from hosting a corset wearing party! I am obsessed!

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However, my favorite part of this show…as you know, has to be… the love story between Elizabeth and Jack. It starts off as a rocky relationship, there is clearly an attraction but they have a love/hate thing going on for a bit. This is when I realize that I may have been born in the wrong decade. Although I am a proud 90’s baby forever and always, the old ways of courtship is something that just warms my heart.

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The days of waiting and taking time to get to know someone’s heart. Not rushing. Simple dates. Simple glances. Simple touches. Oh the moments. The small looks and sayings make me swoon.

My sister in law always makes fun of me, “what do you expect a guy to do, come up to you and ask for your hand?”

Yes. Yes I do. When did that go out of style? 😉

Jack Thornton doesn’t always get it perfect, he stumbles like every guy, but there are times he shines brighter than the sun.

Let me count the ways:

Can we talk about how cute she is fanning herself after watching him chop wood?

“Elizabeth please do consider this a sign of courtship.” And he kisses her hand. OMG *swooning all over the place*

“That was just a guess.” #SLICKRICK

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The first kiss-

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“We can go as slow as you like.” -Horse riding lesson

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He painted a hidden message within the backdrop he painted for her class play, he also never told her he was the one who painted it.  

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“And I’ve been told no one messes with Ms. Thatcher.”-Pastor Frank talks to townsfolk about sharing the church with the school children. Everyone knows how protective Jack is over her.

The I love you exchange.

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The little arm rub @3:00 mark of the season 2 video. I’m obsessed!

The Mountie Christmas Ball he put together for her after they had to cancel their plans to go to the real one.

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He built her a church/school.

 

 

“May I…”- he is always so polite.

He’s also made a few subtle innuendos to a more “physical” relationship.

After she gets trapped under some beams in the coal mine, Jack asks to take a look at her knee and later says something like- “Well now that I’ve seen your knees…” Sooo scandalous!  I love it! haha 😉

He also makes mention to having  to sleep in the barn, and Elizabeth apologizes for the uncomfortable conditions, while he asks “Was there another option?” and she just looks at him stunned and says “No.” It cracks me up how cute he is, he’s not disrespectful, he never tries to push the issue, but it’s clear he loves her and is interested in being with her. She flusters easily which makes it all the more sweeter. Their playfulness is adorable.

He gets jealous of any other man who is in her life-Billy Hamilton, or Charles, her “friendly” neighbor. If looks could kill.

“Keep your man busy, so he won’t be in a tizzy, I read Rosemary’s column too!” -Jack basically wants to help Elizabeth repair her new road house and she wants to be able to do it all herself, so she seeks some advice from Rosemary, who tells her to keep Jack busy with menial tasks this way he won’t bother her to help. YOUR MAN. I love it! 

He bought land for them to build a house on as a surprise. He was a bit thrown when she bought her own road house, and wanted to come help her every chance he got.

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“Are you going to marry Constable Thornton?” Oh that smirk he has when he hears her answer! SO CUTE!

“You are going to make a terrific mother one day.”

They have many conversations about convincing/encouraging each other through kissing or keeping each other warm. –

I think you have enough fire wood for two years.”

“Well at least we’ll be nice and warm.”

“You know there are other ways to stay warm.”

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He is HER Mounty.

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My favorite episode is when Elizabeth agrees to watch a neighbor’s kids while he is away and they get a chance to experience what life would be like if they got married and had children. There’s scene where he teaches her how to pump water which is adorable and there’s a scene where he watches her help the little boy go to sleep, and this scene below where he mentions starting a family one day and curling up by the fire with someone he loves.

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They are very close to getting engaged I think. He has a ring already, and I think he is just waiting for the right time. She certainly expects it. And I love how he kind of has this sweet joking charm. He likes to mess with her. But I have every hope that when he does propose it will be very special and a dream come true for Elizabeth. I just hope her high society snooty family will get on board.

I wonder if they will let them have a proper love scene. We have seen their courtship grow and blossom into a love that’s pure, safe and true. And I know that the show is very family friendly, but I for one believe that the fans deserve to see their love reach a new level. I can’t wait to see how they handle the proposal, the wedding and their new love life together.

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Someone caught the bouquet, we know what that means!

Another thing I adore is the comradery between the people of this little town, especially the women. They are so strong and really rally in times of joy and in times of need and tragedy. All the women have lost so much and have really  risen above and shown such grace and strength and hope in the face of such pain. Each woman is a force to be reckoned with. Abigail is truly the source of the town hope. She is such a total badass. She even leads them into the coal mine to help the women keep to help pay off their homes.

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Elizabeth is taking on that nature as well, as she is proving to herself that she can step outside her comfort zone of wealthy privileged city life and do for herself. She is constantly telling Jack not to “check in on her.” But he does anyway, which I kind of love anyway, because he knows she’s capable but he just loves her so much that he needs to check in on her anyway.

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Elizabeth is such a beautiful spirit. She is a teacher and a writer, which I relate to and find a comfort in. And she believes women can do anything, which I am all for. She cares and loves deeply and is a character I truly admire. She teaches that girls can do anything!

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I also love how female empowerment is being implemented throughout the show. Girls in the city life are taught to be wed by a certain age and take on a certain lifestyle of “taking care of their man.” Studying and becoming lawyers or holding their own titles are heard of seldom. There’s a woman lawyer who kicks ass!

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And Rosemary a theater Mongol serves as an advice columnist in town who really throws the women for a loop when she urges them to expect things from their men instead of allowing their men to expect from them. One of her quotes were “There are so many things in this world that are taboo, a love between a woman and her husband, should not be one of them.” Yea girl. Preach.

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In a nutshell. I love this show. Season 4, I’m ready for ya! I am officially a fan. Can I join the #hearties? I can #partylikeaheartie

Season 4 of Hallmark’s Series  When Calls The Heart premieres

This Sunday, February 19th @9 pm

*I do not take credit for the images, gifs, videos used.*

-<3-

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is there a right way to grieve?

They say writers often write the things they cannot say.

Or that they write in times of grief and tragedy.

In times of great joy or confusion.

I suppose I’ve done this many times.

Do you ever think to yourself – what does grief look like?

I am sure you have painted a picture of it in your head.

Your picture, the colors you’ve chosen to blend together, the emotions you choose to feel, or the feelings you just happen to come by.

But can we as human beings who are flawed by nature,  truly give an accurate description of what grief actually is and what is should feel like?

The truth is it’s different for everyone.

We struggle in different ways.

I always struggle with doing what I feel is the right thing to do.

Should I do this?

Should I be there?

Should I say this?

Or do that?

I usually strive to always go with the answer yes and follow through.

But in times when I don’t the guilt arises.

Grief and dealing with those emotions of loss and feeling confused and hopeless are never easy. For anyone.

They are never just so.

Never perfectly one sided or crystal clear.

They are murky and layered with struggle and obstacles.

I guess what I am trying to say is we need to step away from our little self inflicted pictures of what should be done and see that everyone handles things differently.

You do what you have to do.

You do what you feel is right.

And god is the only one who can judge that.

I have strong beliefs in always doing the right thing, and I fall short many times, but the right thing for me may not be the right thing for someone else.

If someone is struggling with something, or coming to grips with something difficult it is not my place nor anyone else’s place to judge them.

I wouldn’t want someone to judge me.

And it is so easy to point fingers and blame in times of hurt and pain.

But we all have walls.

Whether we believe it or not.

We all have things we don’t always feel we can handle.

We often dive into the realm and needs of self preservation.

When someone leaves us, will we be able to handle it?  Or handle seeing that person go through such and ordeal of deterioration?

Humans have mastered many things, but dealing with grief and loss isn’t one of them.

I suppose generations will not change that.

There are things we will never understand.

Reasons why people get stricken with long term illnesses.

Why them?

Why now?

Why this family?

And we will never know.

And in these times we  struggle and despair.

We are confused, we are angry, we place blame on God, on others, on ourselves.

But is that any use?

Unity, love, family, that is what we need to focus on.

Even if you’re not there, if your heart is there- god knows it, they know it, you know it.

And prayers for a safe return home to you are sung throughout those unified hearts.

-<3-

 

 

 

2016 Memory Jar Review

First off, HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!!!!!!

I cannot believe it is already 2017.

 

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My camera year is wrong…should say 2016, ignore that mishap. :/

 

As I sat down on New Year’s Eve to sift through my memory jar- a bandwagon that I finally hopped on two years ago- I was amazed at how little I felt like I did, because of how quickly I felt the year had flown by. It was a blur for me. But as I dove into these colored pieces of paper, the many memories came flooding back….and a lot actually happened. It’s so easy for us to get wrapped up in the holiday bit at the end of the year, that we forget all the memories we made throughout the year.

So here are some of my most favorite memories- (in no particular order!)

 

*My 2016 Highlights*

 

Took my god daughter to see Trolls- “Sophie’s big girl movie date”- Trolls, went to a diner, and saw the Christmas Lights with my family.

 

Had a little Walking Dead Season 7 Premiere Party but… RIP Glenn still heartbroken: / haven’t watched an episode since then, but my party looked awesome. Read my post HERE!

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Celebrated my grandmother’s 83rd birthday with a whole bunch of family.

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I made a few job changes and had to bounce around a bit, which was a bit difficult but finally found a place where I am happy for now, it was for the better- I’m building a work family and have made some great friends. Read my post on “adulting” HERE!

Finished two short story series-On The Run & Love Conflicted (-premiered in 2015 but carried over into 2016)

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Started a brand new series- Welcome Home (-first chapter premiered in 2016, rest will be continued in 2017)

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My best friend Roe got engaged!!!!

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Went on a massive family trip to Great Wolf Lodge and had a blast! (vlog will eventually get edited!)-Read my post HERE!

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Why does my camera have the wrong year? How do I fix that?

Sophia Bush retweeted my tweet and my phone blew up….

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My brother got married and he and his wife bought a house.

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I entered one of my scripts into a writing contest! (although nothing came of it, it was a huge leap that I took, and I was really proud of myself for facing that fear.)

I got free movie passes for covering a story in my local theater, my best friend Jenny and I saw Finding Dory in 3D…because why not?

I’ve realized that I can overcome my anxiety on my own, but the help that I have received has been a gift I will continue to utilize.

My best friend and I finally saw Bethany Joy Lenz in concert and WE MET HER! #LifeGoal –Read my post HERE!

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Fuller House seasons 1& 2 are killin’ the game #NetflixIsDangerous

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I went for bridesmaid’s dresses for my friend Jenny’s wedding-I was asked to be her maid of honor last year.

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I went on The Polar Express with my god daughter and other family members. (vlog will eventually get edited!)

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I worked for a summer camp, and my kids made some really great story books for my creative writing class.

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I hosted a Gilmore girls: A Year in the Life- Netflix revival….viewing party- Read my post HERE!

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I got a vlog up on my YouTube channel, and have been vlogging more, but editing has been a slow process. I WILL GET THERE!

I finally got to pretend to be a YouTube vlogger and did a Mini “Vlogmas” from Dec. 23-Dec. 31 into 2017 (Stay Tuned!)

My brother and I started to shoot the first installment of our zombie short, but it got halted because…. #WeddingCraziness #BridalShowerCraziness

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michelleleighwrites turned 3!!!!!!! Read my post HERE! (It’s turning 4 in a WEEK!!!!!!)

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 Justin Timberlake released new music & a video – Can’t Stop The Feeling! (he also produced the soundtrack to Trolls (What a beautiful, fun loving film, highly recommend seeing it!). Read my fangirl report HERE!

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Valentine’s Day Girls Nite In with my girls.

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Celebrated my Aunt Mary’s birthday  with some dinner at her favorite Mexican restaurant and had some Pepsi- her favorite drink. Love you Aunt Mary, Miss you!

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Bruno Mars new album, listening to it as I write. So obsessed! #24KMagic #Chunky #ThatsWhatILike #VersaceOnTheFloor #Finesse LISTEN

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Rocked some obnoxious Christmas Lights for the holidays. #BestDecisionOfMyLife #5BucksWellSpent #ShoutOutToStrangerThings

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Received some handmade Christmas cards from my students.

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30th Birthdays Celebrations- We hosted a big family dinner for my sister in law and went on an AC family trip for my brother.

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Family BBQ’s!!! #Cousins

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Best Friend Weekend. – Even at 25, my best friend and I still keep our sleepover tradition going. It started off going to the Zumba class that my best friend teaches, then we had some dinner at her house (BBQ chicken my fav at their house hold-like old times), next we watched our favorite tv show One Tree Hill until 4 AM, Went for breakfast the next morning, got manicures, and shopped a bit. It was so nostalgic and it was just what we needed. #BestFriendMiniWeekend #RoshellWeekend

That Zumba class tho-I had been trying to get to one, forever!

Britney’s back bitches! #GLORY album is just….EPIC! Read my post HERE!

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Rainbows.

Pineapple float- #SOTRENDY

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Took my mom to see the Radio City Spring Spectacular- it was her mother’s day gift and it felt really great to be able to do that for her. What a brilliant show. Visually stunning!

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Got hooked on Murder Mystery 13 Part Series American Gothic- so damn good! #SHOUTOUTTOBETHANYJOYLENZ

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Started Stranger Things #NetflixIsDangerous

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Attended my best friend’s engagement party.

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Continued with the annual chop.

 

Dressed up in Hawaiian theme attire for my cousin’s birthday party.- Read my post HERE!

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Finally got to rock the yellow, red, blue look I’ve wanted to try for forever! Read my post HERE!

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After the chop, had to try out some new hair do’s – Reverse Space buns.

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Marina Squerciati answered my tweet, (cuz we’re besties) ;). #thathashtagtho

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My parents treated me to a massive birthday dinner at my favorite restaurant. Got my big gold number balloons too! #BlackAndGold #Family #Friends Read my post HERE!

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That TWD finale tho. #WHOISIT? Read my feels HERE!

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Started an unintentional tradition of taking massive group family photos/selfies.

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Bridal expos with my bestie. #MaidofHonor #OnCall

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My cousins from Florida surprised us with a quick visit!

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Curvy Barbies (and other body shapes and sizes) are a thing! #FINALLY #Variety

Read my post HERE!

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That *NSYNC picture. #reunion #myheart

 

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Met our newest family member! My god daughter is a big sister!

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Started watching a few new tv series- This Is Us (I have to catch up, I’m so behind) and Shades of Blue.

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*****

Damn a lot can happen in a year. I am grateful for the blessings 2016 has given me. Of course it wasn’t all marshmallows and honey all the time, but I still fought through obstacles and made beautiful memories. Cheers to 2017, may it be beautiful and happy and healthy for all of you, filled with love and inspiration and success. See you soon friends!

*Most images are my own.*

-<3-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is my RIOT. [Part 2]

****LETTERS OF LOVE & FRUSTRATION-The Walking Dead Edition****

Dear Glenn,

You were a leader, a loyal man of honor. You took whatever came your way and handled your business like a boss, but with an odd heir of grace in a rather grace-less world. You were our heart, our family. And the thought that you will never crack a joke, kiss Maggie, or meet your baby, well it just breaks my heart to pieces.

Glenn- from your first words, “Hey Dumbass” to your last “Maggie…I’ll find you.”- I have never not loved you, believed in you, or trusted you. Unfortunately you were the heart and moral compass of the show that got taken away from us this season and in the very first episode of the season, none the less. You will be greatly missed, there aren’t words to explain just how much. Maggie will never be the same without you, and The Walking Dead will never be the same without you.

You truly were one of my favorites and this to date (and forever) will be one of the most felt Walking Dead deaths ever. I think you deserved better, I think you had more story to tell. I think you would have made an amazing dad. Forever and always, your loyalty, heart, fearlessness, bravery, friendship, love and kindness, will be with us. We love you, we’ll miss you, and….we’ll find you. This isn’t goodbye it’s see you later.

RIP GLENN Love you, forever. ❤ #Family

 

Dear Steven Yeun,

I hope you know how much we love you. How deeply your portrayal of Glenn as impacted millions of us. I already miss seeing you on my tv screen every Sunday night. And I wish you the best of luck on future projects. Can’t wait to follow your career. But to me, you’ll always be my Glenn.

 

Dear Abraham,

Thank you for rocking the trendiest mustache ever, for being a sassy ginger, for having the best southern accent, and for- my favorite of all- thank you for the countless hysterical zingers. You brought a little laughter to a very dark world, and we will miss your leadership, and your safe soul.

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Dear Michael Cudlitz,

Thank you for being your bad-ass self and for honoring your fans to the very end of your Abraham journey. The next show or film to get you, is very lucky. I’ll be watching for you. 😀

 

Dear Maggie/Lauren Cohan,

You got this. We got you. Hand in hand we walk.

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Dear Scott Gimple and Robert Kirkman,

A little something comes to mind…oh yea that’s right…

Dear Daryl,

I love you, I love your southern slang & twang, your ability to own any situation, your worldly training and variety of skills, your fashion sense ;), your tough guy exterior and most of all your big ole heart of gold. The guilt of causing Glenn’s death will probably get you killed this season, but I hope you kick some serious ass before you go. (Please don’t go!)

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Dear Norman Reedus,

<33333333333….

Hearts, hearts for days.

*****************************************************************

Here are some images from my Walking Dead Season 7 premiere party…you know before my heart was ripped out of my chest.

This table scape is also perfect for Halloween!

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This is a chocolate two layered cake with butter cream frosting and crushed Oreos in the center, surrounded by crumbled Oreos again and gummy worms, topped with a raspberry/jello/cool whip concoction as the “brain.” It looks kinda like a heart. #SorryNotSorry Lol.

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I used red “fruit punch” flavored Gatorade for the Walker Blood and Lollipops for the Walker Claws. (my brother found them at the dollar tree they are originally called zombie fingers!)

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Death Predictions :*/

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Seconds before watching the premiere…

 

 

DISCLAIMER:

I’m going to be posting quite a few things about The Walking Dead this weekend, my usually scheduled Monday post, was a no go. It was just too soon for me to fully write up and process all that I had to say. I tried, but it wasn’t ready.  I will fill out the rest of this week with new posts. I need to get them all written and ready and then I will post accordingly. I need to get it all out, by week’s end, because then I can hopefully start to heal and move on. This is my venting. I hope you understand, fan to fan. 😀 If you aren’t a Walking Dead fan or you disagree with my thoughts, come back soon for a different vibe. Right now this is my RIOT time. xoxo

*I do not take credit for any images/gifs used is the first portion of the post.*

*All premiere party photos are my own.*

-<3-

What’s In My Purse?-Pumpkin Picking Edition

As you may have read in my Monday post, I went pumpkin picking with my family this past weekend. Read my FALL HAUL.

I was switching over my purse to my work bag, when I realized how much crap I actually carried with me on that day. And it sparked an idea for a what’s in my purse post.

Let’s start with the bag itself- I went with my good, old, trusty, no name brand, big, cross body, sack bag. It’s a neutral brown which goes with a lot and it fits a ton of stuff.

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Now for the contents….a.k.a my whole life #BraceYourselves it’s a lot of stuff!

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From Left to Right:

Digital Camera– because sometimes cell phones suck!

Cellphone– because duh?

Alcohol wipes– because you never know if you get a cut and need to clean it out.

Toilet Seat covers To Go– because I knew I was going to be dealing with porta potties. #EW

Cleansing wipes– because again…porta potties.

Hand Sanitizer– because there was a petting zoo-Lol. #AndImAGermaphobe

Tissues– for the fall sniffles.

Wallet-because moneyyyy.

Eye glasses– because sometimes I need them.

Mints, toothpicks, and gum– because they are always good to carry. #KeepingItFresh #KeepingMeSane

House keys– because duh? 😉

Oil blotting sheets– shout out to my oily skin girls! #IFeelYourPain #TheStruggleIsReal

A Hair Tie– because sometimes fall weather gets confused.

A Water Bottle– because long drives, and lots of walking.

Spray Bottle– just in case you need a little spritz and refresher.

Bag of lollipops, sour balls, jolly ranchers, cough drops– because of the fall throat tickles/car rides #PeopleGetCarSick

Granola Bars– because it was a long day, and if I needed a boost I was prepared.

Lipstick, chapstick, a mirror– because girly junk #cute 😉

Pads/Liners– because girl, you should always be prepared.

Tea bag holder– because yes, I travel with my own tea.

Pepto Bismol, Tylenol, Tums– because I’m a pharmacy. (I actually helped a cousin who had a headache, see my neuroticness pays off.) 😉

A notepad & pen– because I’m a writer.

Band-Aids– because you ever know.

Lotion– because everyone loves moisturized hands. Haha.

Headphones– because music.

Sunglasses– because sun beams are still kicking.

My outfit:

Jeans & a Tee

Comfortable Sneakers

A Flannel

A soft fuzzy vest

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*Perfect for removing layers and being comfy on a long drive and a long day with a lot of movement and walking.

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*All photos are my own.*

-<3-

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fall Haul.

I’m going to agree with the rest of the world and say that Fall is my favorite season. The leaves begin to change colors, the weather starts to get cooler, the pumpkin things take over the world, and the fashion feels more expressive.

Along with all of that, comes the fun fall festivities. While in preparation for Halloween.

This past weekend my family and I went pumpkin picking and I really took advantage of the fall vibes I was feeling and bought some great little goodies in the little market they had there.

So I thought I’d do a little Fall Haul

First and foremost-Gotta get some pumpkins I picked the big one, it’s a good size and I can’t wait to decorate it this year! I already have an idea! My mom picked the little one!

Apple Cider– this stuff is delicious! And it’s a fall must for me! I had one during the day and had to bring some home with me! The apple taste is so crisp and cool and I bet this one will taste just as good warmed up.

Pumpkin Butter– I cannot wait to try this! I love apple butter, and I love Pumpkin flavored things, so I just feel like this is going to be so good with some toast!

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Apple Cider DonutsAnother yearly must for me! These are so good, and we got them freshly baked! Soft, sugary and delicious!

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Peach PieSince I already had a whole lot of apple going on, I wanted to get a different flavored pie. I saw this peach pie and had to buy it! It is so good and everyone seems to be enjoying it!

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A little door décor– I bought this cute little silver sparkly Ghost for my Brother and Very Soon to be Sister in law’s new apartment. How cute is he? I thought it was different and sweet and they were very happy. My sister in law even named him-Meet Hershey. 😀

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A little something for the kiddiesThese cute little masks were the perfect little gifts to give my little sweeties,. After all they are the reason I can get away with acting like such a big kid at these type of family outings. Two are my cousins and the little one is my god daughter. How cute is this pic?

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And there you have it for my Fall Haul, the fall vibes and spirit are kicking in big time…time to watch Halloweentown! 😉

-<3-

*All photos are my own.*

 

 

Great Wolf Lodge Family Trip 2016

This past Sunday into Monday I went away to Great Wolf Lodge in the Poconos with my family. It’s basically this huge indoor waterpark with a hotel attached.

Anyone who knows me, knows staying in a cabin has been a dream of mine ever since I’ve seen countless tv shows write in that storyline. #TheCabinEpisode.

This place was a modernized, city girl’s version of “roughing it.” A fake cabin if you will, but so totally amazing. There was so much to do in such a short amount of time. There was the waterpark equipped with a wave pool, a hot tub, a kiddie pool, a lily pad obstacle course, and not to mention all the slides! And they have a bar and food area in the park as well.

There was also a pool outdoors, and a crazy rope course (but none of us touched that! haha.)

Indoors could get pretty hot because they keep the temperature at 85 degrees, so it was nice to have that option of going outdoors to cool off. We also rented a cabana the second day within the waterpark which was a nice base place to go back to, we were able to keep our phones and cameras much more handy that way. #ELECTRONICSANDWATERDONTMIX

Inside the hotel there were so many other attractions too; cosmic bowling, mini golf, build a bear, magiquest (a type of virtual hunt that went through each floor), story time, dance party, arcade, a princess treatment for little girls, oh and a marshmallow roasting! There was so much, and we didn’t even get to it all. But I have to say that for only having two days there, we crammed in quite a lot.

And it was a blast! Mind you we were a group of 16! Me and my family, my aunt and all her kids and their kids. So the cousin count was high! The trip was exhausting and I am so tried and achy and still trying to recover- but making memories with my family is priceless and it was all worth it.

Here are some pictures from my trip!

 

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I won 1,000 tickets on my first try!

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Breakfast at the Loose Moose got an A+ for sure.

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These little wolves came to give everybody a wake up call!

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Family Selfie ❤

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This little one had been counting down the days…”WE GO WATERPARK….ALL TOGETHER!”

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They are known for their delicious Pina Coladas, but I thought this Pineapple Agave Margarita was better! #drinkspoolsidewithmom

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Bowling is still so much fun!

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Getting the princess treatment. “I Fabulous.” Yes you are!

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What a crew…table for 16 please.

Pictures of our room! (we got upgraded to a loft) #fancy 😉

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Pictures from the waterpark!

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What I won with my tickets! I was short a few and the nice clerk girl gave me the prize I wanted anyway. Needless to say that smile is REAL! #BIGKID

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One of the workers told me he’s never seen someone win 1,000 on this game. #BOSS 😉

So there you have it, a little blog about my family trip. I don’t often get to go on vacation so this was really special to me and I wanted to document it and have it as a keepsake.

I vlogged the whole trip too and my brother took a bunch of Go pro footage in the water park, so there will be a massive family vlog coming soon! Stay Tuned! 😀

*All pictures are my own*

-<3-

“Don’t Cry” – Something we should never say

Dont Cry

 

“Don’t Cry”

We say it all the time.

To infants.

To friends.

To ourselves.

I found myself holding back tears often. In fear of showing “too much” emotion. Yet as I grow older I realize the importance of allowing yourself to express those emotions. It is not good for you, for your health, for your relationships, to keep things all bottled up inside. It’s important to let them out.

“No cry.”

“Stop crying.”

I’ve caught myself and others saying this to my goddaughter.

It’s a reflex, I think. An attempt to soothe, to calm, to comfort.

We say it because we are uncomfortable in the moment, in the sadness. In seeing someone we care about dealing with that sadness or hurt.

We say it because we think we are helping. Because we don’t know what else to say.

We are indeed trying to help.

There are good intentions behind it.

But at the age of 3 now I have seen her try and stop herself from crying when she is sad, or hurt, and it’s a lesson she doesn’t need to learn. Not now. Not ever.

“Don’t cry.”

We say it all the time.

But is it right?

When we say these things, we are telling ourselves, telling others that it’s not ok to feel.

That feeling whatever it is we/they feel is wrong.

But it isn’t.

Crying is natural.

We have tear ducks for a reason, no?

It’s a bodily function.

Blame it on biology.

Or applaud it, for allowing us a form of expression.

It’s ok to cry.

It’s ok to feel whatever it is you feel.

Whether you are right or wrong, in that moment, you feel it.

And no one can change that.

No one can tell you how to feel.

Because feelings aren’t something you can always control. And that’s ok.

And I’ve learned that sometimes the tears are just going to come.

And you have to learn to be ok with that.

Screw it.

Let the tears flow.

Sure it’s awkward.

It creates some unnecessary anxiety in you.

“What will people think?”

“Oh my god, what’s wrong with me?”

“I’m a total mess.”

“I look ridiculous.”

“I can’t believe I let this happen.”

No, you can’t control it all the time.

No, you are not a mess.

You are human.

Life will go on.

You will recover.

You will be ok.

Life is going to take a toll on all of us at some time, whether you are a child or an adult.

Whether you are crying because you lost a loved one, because someone broke your heart, because you finally got that job you always wanted, or because well… you are PMSing and watching Pocahontas. #Trustory #ColorsoftheWind #GetsMeEverytime

These thoughts of uneasiness stem from that gut feeling in you that thinks you’re doing something wrong. #ThanksSociety That somehow crying in front of people means you will never recover, or that it’s the end of the world for your social life.

But everyone is human.

People understand.

And one day it’ll be your turn to comfort a friend in need.

When you let whatever hardship you’ve been harboring out you feel a sense of relief and release. Letting go of whatever it is that is troubling you.

It is OK to cry. In Public. In Private.

Cry- if you want to.

Cry- if you have to.

Cry- because you need to.

And never let anyone make you feel less because of it.

It takes just as much strength to be vulnerable in front of someone that it takes to remain “put together” all the time.

Strength isn’t void of feeling.

It’s allowing yourself the space and time to go through the emotions you need to feel.

Once you do, you’ll feel a little bit lighter.

Cry like it’s your party and you want to.

-<3-

*I do not take credit for any images or gifs used.*