Black Nightingale- Chapter 4- Hidden Feelings

Black Nightingale- The Prey That Hunts Back

Due to violence, language and some sexual content.

Chapter 4: Hidden Feelings

“Help! Help me!” I scream aloud. I could easily finish him off. But then he wouldn’t be brought to justice. This…this can easily be deemed self-defense. I could hear some nearby sirens. Why this city hasn’t been under total surveillance since these attacks started, is beyond me. Yet another fail on our law enforcement’s part. Protect and serve, my ass.

“Help me, over here, please!” I say waving my hands and running out into the street. I see the gleaming lights of a cop car.

The car comes to a speeding halt, blue and red lights swirling. The siren shuts as the car doors whip open.

“Luna? Is that you? What the hell happened? Are you ok?” Greg says rushing from the car. He and his partner run over. Ok to be clear….Greg is one of the good cops. And yes, I do believe in good cops. There are a lot of them. But there are also a lot of bad cops too. And those are the ones you have to watch out for. The ones that turn a blind eye to everyday crime. If Greg was in charge the world would be a safer place for women and for all.

“Oh my god, Greg, thank God it’s you! I was coming back from a party, and I heard screaming so I went to go see if I could help. It was the Black Hawk. He tried to…he tried to kill me,” I say as I fall into his arms. Greg wraps his arms around me tightly. Tenderly. Even in my fake hysteria he was a source of comfort. After all, I mean I did just stab a man. The adrenaline is real.

“Oh my god, Nev,” Greg says his eyes glued to me. Fear etched across his face.

“Greg, Greg…I…I stabbed him,” I say shakily, The Black Hawk’s blood all over my hands. “He lunged at me with that creepy rake tool and I just stabbed him. I was so scared, I didn’t know what to do.” My eyes welling up with tears, my body trembling. Gasps for breath. Thank you Professor Julie James for the college acting lessons. They paid off.

“Hey it’s ok. You’re ok. Where is he now?” Greg asks worried as his partner follows my gaze rushing toward the darkened alley way.

“Ok, Nev, stay here. Stay in the car, lock the doors. I’m gonna call for back up and head into the alley way.”

“What? You must be crazy! I’m not staying here alone. I’m coming with you,” I say as he gives me an angry glare.

I give him a glare right back. I’ll be damned if I sit back and wait.

He sighs, “Fine, but just stay behind me,” he says as he walks towards the alley, his flashlight and gun raised out in front of him.

“Gavin, over here,” his Partner calls.

Rushing over, all we see is a pool of blood where The Black Hawk once was.

“What? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” I say anger laced through my voice.

Gregory looks over at me, obviously confused.

He raises his walkie talkie, “This is officer Gavin, requesting back up to the alley way just off of Cloak Street and 6th Ave. We’ve had another Black Hawk attack. Victim was able to get away. But the Black Hawk is hindered with a stab wound, most likely on foot and armed.”

“Back up on its way,” the voice on the other end croaks.

“Let’s skim the avenue, see if we can track him. With that pool of blood, he’s gotta be leaving a trail,” Greg says.

***

Greg walks Nevina to her apartment door. His uniform jacket draped over her shoulders. He looks at her. His hands cupping her face, tenderly. His dark chocolate brown eyes deep with concern.

“Nev, are you sure you’re ok? I really wish you would have let me take you to the hospital to get checked out.”

“I’m okay. Greg. Really. He didn’t get to hurt me.”

“Swear to me?” he says looking at her.

“Pinky swear,” she says with a meek smile as she holds her pinky up. He smirks, wrapping his pinky around hers, and leaning in he kisses her hand, closing his eyes.

Don’t worry friends, the first thing I did when I got to the station was rid myself of that asshole’s disgusting toxic blood. I could tell the events of the night were weighing on him. I’ve always thought Greg was a softie. A heart too pure to deal with criminals on a daily basis. But that’s what makes him a good, and trustworthy cop. He cares. And in that kiss of my hand, I felt his fear. For me. I wish I could tell him not to worry. That I would be fine. That I’m the Black Nightingale. He doesn’t know about the prey that hunts back, but something tells me, he will. Soon. Especially after tonight’s events.

Greg sighs as he pulls Nevina into a hug. She lets out a sigh of relief, she hadn’t realized she was holding. Her arms wrap around him. He kisses the top of her head, breathing in her scent.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” he asks.

“I think, I’ll be fine Greg, really. I mean your right next door too, if anything.”

“Nev…I get that you can take care of yourself, but this guy is still out there. And now he knows your face. I just…if he comes seeking his revenge, I don’t want you just at his will.”

“I am nor will I ever be…at his will,” I say pulling away from him.

“Nev, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that, this guy is a serial killer. He’s killed 6 women already. I just- I just want to make sure you’re safe. There’s strength in numbers, right?”

“I guess you’re right,” I say rolling my eyes and unlocking my apartment door, I step to the side, nodding for him to come in.

He smiles, “Thanks for humoring me, Luna,” he says with a smirk as he leans in placing a sweet kiss on my temple.

A lot of women might mistake this type of male affection as one of the romantic nature. But not me. With Greg, he’s been in my life forever. I’ve lived next door to him my whole life. Went to all the same schools, even college. Which is odd for best friends. And when we both got our own places we lucked out and found two in the same building. This man has seen me in braces, and head gear and all the other odd phases in between. Gregory Gavin is in no way attracted to Nevina Luna. Sure he’s good looking in the tall, dark and handsome kind of way. But I guess knowing him for so long, I’ve just never felt that way about him. We’re just friends, and I love him for it. Sure, we may flirt occasionally, but I assure you it’s all in good fun. It’s ironic, like we’re poking fun at the fact that people think that a man and a woman can’t be friends without there being some underlying hint of sexual attraction. Grow up people. If anything Greg sees me as his old childhood buddy.

I toss Greg’s police jacket on my couch as I click on the TV.

“I’m just gonna go take a shower, wash this day off me,” I say with a laugh.

“Yea of course,” he nods, “I’ll be here,” he says with a sweet smirk.

“K, uh, help yourself to a beer, or glass of wine. I have left over Chinese too,” I say pointing to the fridge.

“Oh bless your soul, I’m starving,” he says nodding.

“Go for it,” I say with a laugh, “I’ll be quick,” I say walking into my bathroom.

I turn on the shower, as I wait for it to warm up, I set to undressing.

“Hey do you want me to heat you up food too?” I hear Greg call as I step in the shower, “Yes please! I’m starving,” I call out as the water falls over my skin. Allowing it to relax my tense muscles.

Little did Nevina know, Greg had caught a glimpse of her undressing as he turned his head to ask her about the food. The incident instantly made him blush, as he turned away quickly. A smile finding its way on his face.

A few minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom, having scrubbed my entire body 5 times over. I was clean and refreshed and dressed in the coziest pajamas and fuzzy socks.

Greg had set up two trays, in front of the TV and a buffet of Chinese food.

“Ugh, thank you. You rock,” I say as he hands me a beer.

 He smirks at me and plops down on the couch.

“Did you wanna take a shower too,” I ask.

“Um is that your way of telling me I reek?” he asks.

“Well, I mean…I did get Black Hawk blood all over you, so…” I say pointing to his shirt.

“Oh, shit, that’s right.” he says grossed out. “Sorry I didn’t even realize. I’m so damn exhausted.”

“I mean I’m just worried for you, you can shower tomorrow. Maybe just at least change your clothes. I should still have some of your clothes here from when your washing machine koncked out and you did your laundry here last week.” I say standing up.

“Oh that’d be so awesome,” he says standing up and following me.

“Here,” I say reaching into the bottom of my closet and tossing him some clothes. “You change, I’ll grab pillows and blankets for you.”

***

Greg and I sit, indulging in leftover Chinese takeout and beers. The news flashing a Special Report.

Both mine and Greg’s eyes meet. Curiosity peeking. I grab the remote, clicking the volume higher.

The newscaster is on the scene, near the alley way where the events took place.

Standing next to him is the young brunette girl that I had stumbled across earlier before my dance with darkness.

“I am here with this young woman who just had a brush with the killer himself. Miss what can you tell us about this man who has been terrorizing the New York City streets? ”

The woman is clearly exhausted, her eyes puffy and red, her body language one of fear and confusion.

“I…I was on my way home from work, I had to stay at the office late to finish up a project. I couldn’t get a cab this late at night so I was on my way to walking toward the train station. I wanted to get there quick so I took a short cut through the alley on the corner on Cloak Street and 6th Avenue. And that’s when I saw him. I just ran. And by chance I ran into this woman. She was so calm, confident. Like she knew what she was doing. Looking for him. It was odd. But she had this black bird-like mask on. Like a Nightingale or some kind of bird. She had this black leather, feathery outfit on. I don’t know maybe she was coming from a Halloween themed event or something. The city is always crawling with creatures this time of year. After we bumped into each other, she asked me where the Black Hawk was. At first I thought maybe she was an accomplice. But she said, she was a friend to women. And then she set off in the direction of the Black Hawk. I just ran. I was so scared. I feel so bad. I don’t know what else happened after that. But I knew I had to call the police. I hope the woman is okay. She saved my life.”

Uh oh. Shit. I think to myself. Here we go.

Greg looks at me. His eyes narrowing at me. His brow scrunching.

“Nev?” he says calmly.

I shut the tv off.

“Well, it’s getting late. I am exhausted. I think I’m gonna hit the hay. Night Gavin.” I say getting up and heading toward my bedroom.

“Nevina?” he says standing up from the couch his voice low. Stern. We usually call each other by nick names or by our last names. It’s something we’ve done since we were kids. When he says my full first name. I know something is up.

I turn slowly toward him.

“Where were you coming from tonight?” he asks.

“I went to a Halloween party.” I say shrugging.

“Who’s Halloween party?” he says poking around. His hands on his hips.

“A friend from work.” I say calmly. My eyes shifting to the side. Damn it, why is it so hard to lie to him.

“And you chose to walk home, alone, at midnight, through a dark alley?”

 “Actually I was just waiting for my uber and then shit hit the fan. What’s with the third degree Greg?”

“That’s funny. An uber never showed up tonight.” He says his gaze turning into a puzzled glare.

“Well, considering I was fighting for my life, it probably came and went.” I say with a matter of fact tone.

“You’re the one, that woman is describing. You’re The Black Nightingale aren’t u?” He says.

“Greg as much as I would love to take the credit for helping that woman. She and I didn’t even cross paths.”

“And how else would you explain her spot on description of you?”

“A woman in all black on a night near Halloween….your right, so out of the ordinary,” I say laughing. “Besides she was traumatized she probably didn’t even know what she was saying.”

“You know Nev, I know you. And I saw what you had on tonight. It’s not something you would normally wear.”

“Yea. Hence….the Halloween Party.”

“And if not the Black Nightingale, what were you supposed to be dressed up as?”

“A sexy cat. Duh? I had taken my cat years off for a bit at the party, I must have Ieft them there.” I say touching my head in an attempt to check for them.

“Come on Nevina. Don’t lie to me. You come home at all hours. You’re always level 10 tired in the mornings. We’ve gotten a few reports from men about this Black Nightingale haunting the city streets. There has been a few blurry images of her that we were able to pull from neighboring cameras. Blurry or not, I’d know those legs anywhere. Besides you leave a trail of black feathers everywhere you go,” he says pulling a few from his jacket pocket and letting them fall gracefully to the floor landing at my feet.

“Ok then…arrest me,” I say holding out my wrists.

“Nev…” he says glaring at me.

“Don’t Nev me Greg, ok? If you are so sure that I’m The Black Nightingale. That I’ve been as you say- harassing men, then arrest me,” I say moving closer to him.

“I don’t want to,” he says his eyes burning into mine.

“But you have to, I mean your Mr. Perfect Policeman, right? You like to play by all the rules.”

Greg stares at me…a look I have never quite seen before.

“What are you waiting for?” for I say glaring up at him. Some type of tension hanging thick in the air. Our faces just inches apart. Greg sucks in a sharp breath. His eyes looking at me tenderly. I see something new in this flicker. A hidden secret perhaps? What is this newness? An odd feeling boiling in the pit of my stomach. I can’t tell if it frightens me or if I kinda like it.

Without thinking, Gregory grabs me and kisses me, his arms wrapping around my waist tightly.

I push him away instinctively, “What the hell was that?” I say confused wiping my lips.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” Greg says turning away and running his hand over his face.

“Greg…what was that?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

“You do know.”

“Nev…It’s just…I’ve…I’ve been in love with you for… a really long time.”

“You’re kidding?” I say dumbfounded, stepping back, in shock, my knees threatening to give out.

“No. Not kidding.” He says his tone lacking any trace of humor.

“How? Wh- When?” I stammer.

“All this flirting back and forth all these years and the fact that the thought never crossed your mind, is a telling sign. You obviously don’t feel the same, and I understand. I’ll just go.”

“No hey…Officer Gavin can you just slow your roll. This is all a lot. Ok can you just give me a second to process?”

Greg looks at her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I guess I just never let my mind go there, ya know because we’re such good friends.”

“Look let’s just forget this ever happened.”

“Even the fact that you think I’m the Black Nightingale?”

“All of it,” he says “Good night Nev. Be. Careful,” he says looking at me with worry and a protective glare.

“I will, you don’t have to worry about me,” I say.

“I always do. Always will. You call me….if you need anything ok?”

“Thank you Greg,” I say with a small smile as he leaves.


TO BE CONTINUED…

*I do not take credit for any images used in my edits or otherwise.*

For daily updates on this project follow me on instagram @michelleleighwritesvibes

Happy Friday!

-<3-


Ladies Lounge Party Planning

 


I celebrated my birthday in March (Fashion Stylings coming soon!) I went to dinner with a few close friends and then had them come back to the “Ladies Lounge” for dessert. I love to create my own vibes. And I think lounges are super cool and laid back and just the perfect place to hang out, chat with your girls and have a few snacks and drinks. 

The Entry Way

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The entry way is the first impression guests see. For the Ladies Lounge I chose to set the scene with an information board filled with inspirational and informative flyers about “local” events. A bowl of candies, candles, signs, and a disco ball. I also included a bathroom sign on the door. 😉 

 

The Bathroom

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Every time I have gone out to a nice place, the bathrooms always have cute little decor pieces or inspirational quotes on the wall. This one pictured here, is one of my favs. I also laid out some festive guest napkins by the sink. 

The Coffee/Tea Station

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Of course I didn’t actually make my guests pay for their drinks and desserts! Lol. It was just for show.

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The Happy Hour Bar Station

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In honor of my fav girl from FRIENDS, this is a Racheltini…(basically just pink lemonade with a cherry on a fancy pearled toothpick lol)

 

The Dessert/Snacks (we went out to dinner before hand, so I kept it simple with a few sweet and savory snacks)

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I added a lace tablecloth, a color changing candle, and a mason chair filled with fresh flowers. I also set the treats on some fancier dishes.

Setting the vibe/Lounge area 

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I had my crystal salt rock lamp on, and my essential oil diffuser on as well. I like to use a blend of Lavender & Eucalyptus

 

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I replaced the lamp on the left’s bulb with a yellow bulb to create a fun lighting vibe. Added a throw and some extra pillows to the couch for a cozier look. Some Lanterns and décor fans to add some lounge feels. 

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I put on the spa music channel to set the vibe along with more candles a lantern and some drapery. I used my fuzzy chair with another throw to the mix for extra comfy seating. 

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I transformed my living room desk into a little coffee table. I placed two LARGE coffee cups on the funky table cloth. Just like the ones on the show. I also added a small vase of flowers and a real candle. For a few more FRIENDS related Easter eggs I added a fake version of “Be Your Own Wind Keeper” and a Trivia book. 

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I added another lantern above, a few balloons around, another chair with a drapery and extra pillow, and strung some sunflower lights by my windows, which I closed to keep the light vibe low. 

Movie Vibes

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Ladies Lounge Viewing Board Announcement. ^

 

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Every screening needs its snacks! 😉

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FRIENDS chillin at the Ladies Lounge! 

Are you looking for a fun place to hang with your friends, but you can’t find one in your local area, CREATE YOUR OWN!

 

*ALL IMAGES ARE MY OWN!*

-<3-

International Women’s Day- March 8th

Hi friends! 

In case you haven’t noticed I changed my posting schedule from Mondays & Thursdays to just simply twice a week. It’s just getting so hard sticking to specific days, but I do usually try to get up two posts within the week, regardless of the days I do so. But this week was a bust, but I finally have some time to sit down today and so I figured you know what, I’ll give you the two posts today. Why not? 

I had wanted to post this on Friday in honor of the special day, but time got away from me this week. However, I could not let it go unrecognized on this platform. 

IWD purple

This past Friday I rocked my purple in honor of #InternationalWomensDay. Purple signifies justice and dignity and is the color of IWD. I do work in a school setting and I co-teach an activity, where we try to form lessons and projects around inspiring young girls (& boys) to help each other go after their dreams and make positive change around them. In order to celebrate we watched “Brave” which is a great movie about a young female lead character who fights to create her own fate even though she is a princess and her parents say she needs to marry a man for a bright future. She challenges that and creates change. Add in some snacks and a bit of IWD facts and it was a ladies party! Keep fighting the fight ladies, do your thang! Thank you to all the powerful, women in my life who inspire me always, and those who have come before us and paved the way. Feminism is not a new term, it’s not a fad, and it is not anti men. It’s just believing in equality between men and women. And it’s a concept that’s been around for years. We as women need to carry it along generation, through generation. “Strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.” Happy “Belated” International Women’s Day! ✌💪🥂💜

International Women’s Day (March 8th) is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity. International Women’s Day is all about unity, celebration, reflection, advocacy and action – whatever that looks like globally at a local level. But one thing is for sure, International Women’s Day has been occurring for well over a century – and continues to grow from strength to strength. – official IWD site

 

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[2012] PG Drama/Fantasy 1 hr. 33 min.

 

 

Synopsis: 

Merida (Kelly Macdonald), the impetuous but courageous daughter of Scottish King Fergus (Billy Connolly) and Queen Elinor (Emma Thompson), is a skilled archer who wants to carve out her own path in life. Her defiance of an age-old tradition angers the Highland lords and leads to chaos in the kingdom. Merida seeks help from an eccentric witch (Julie Walters), who grants her an ill-fated wish. Now, Merida must discover the true meaning of courage and undo a beastly curse before it’s too late.- Via Google/Wiki

Trailer:

 

I do think this film was a great story to show on such a day, and it was our little way of celebrating. It held such a strong message, that we as women have the power to pave our own way and that it’s okay to question the hierarchy/history. There are so many other things you can do to celebrate and not just on the one day. I know we have our projects, we are working towards- to create and donate care packages to local female shelters. It is something we are just working and building toward for future lessons. After all, IWD includes the idea to think Globally, act locally. Make the change wherever you are. It all matters! For more ideas and information about IWD…

Visit-  https://www.internationalwomensday.com/

How did you celebrate International Women’s Day? 

 

* I do not take credit for the Brave image or trailer used.*

 

-<3-

Too Much? No honey, Just Enough.

As I scroll through Instagram recently within the past few months, I’ve come across a few creative posts that really resonated with me. And the message behind them was so powerful, I thought I’d share.

The first one was posted on a writers instagram I follow- writers.are.day.dreamers but it was reposted from nightypoetry. This poem is so spot on, to how I feel at times. If I’m really excited about something, I get super animated in my storytelling. I talk fast, I ramble, I’m loud, I talk with my hands. If I’m really frustrated or upset, I will also be loud, and maybe my facial expressions may be very obvious. I’ve been told I’m “taking things too seriously,” I’m “too sensitive,” I’m “over-reacting.” If someone reacts negatively to you, maybe it’s YOU. That is a very possible situation. You can’t always blame the person who reacts, they are usually reacting to someone you did or said.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand everyone is human, and we aren’t perfect. Sometimes people can just be dealing with a lot, or just having a bad day and they can snap at you for no real reason, other than you happening to be in the line of fire at that time. But often it takes two to get in a tiff. So next time someone claps back at you, think about what you may have done to receive that reaction. You have to own when you’re wrong people. Don’t play the blame game. I know it’s hard, trust me, I hate it, I hate confrontation. I’ve had moments where I really screwed up and felt terrible and had to talk to the person and apologize because I knew it was my fault. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. But in order to keep healthy relationships in your life you need to know how to admit when you’re wrong. And just try better next time.

However, with this specific poem, I just feel it so much. Again, with that Too Much feeling. I’m a writer, I’m someone struggles with anxiety and constant over thinking and feeling is part of all of that. Feeling so deeply, that sometimes that weight gets incredibly difficult to bare.

We walk through life trying to be the best versions of ourselves, and no matter what we do, or how we try, sometimes it just feels like we are too much of everything. That we don’t belong. That people don’t get us. That we have to conform or change to fit other people’s standards. Can’t we just be ourselves? Those who really love us will love us no matter what. I love the last two lines- “Let me be too much. It’s too awesome.” It leaves you with hope and the idea to believe in yourself and everything you are.

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This next poem, was shared by 7th Heaven actress Beverly Mitchell on instagram. However, the author is Hollie Holden. The poem is a story about a woman’s relationship and conversation with her own physical body. It touches upon how we stress  what we eat, what we do, if we do enough, if we need to improve ourselves. How we look, if our stomachs are flat enough. And it’s constant. She captures how sometimes we as women just do not feel right in our own skin. These feelings are common amongst many, but that doesn’t mean this way of thinking is healthy. In her last line in this poem about a woman asking her body what it needs- Holden writes- Can you just love me like this? And that in itself is an incredible realization. Why can’t we just love ourselves for what we look like, who we are, what we are. Why are we always pressured to change or adapt, or fit society’s standards of beauty. Listen to your body. Love your body. That is what she needs.

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Lastly, this next post is from Lena Dunham. Dunham has always been this trail blazer of sorts. She is well known for creating, directing and starring in her hit HBO series- GIRLS. The show premiered in 2012 and ran for 6 seasons. The story followed four girls in their twenties, trying to navigate life in New York City. Sounds very familiar, yes it’s been done before #SexInTheCity, but Dunham’s version always pushed the boundaries even more.

She recently posted a photo of herself on instagram with a caption [Below]. And I really loved what she had to say. It resembles that same idea of feeling “Too much.” How she comes to this realization that she isn’t for everyone, and she doesn’t have to be. And that everyone is not for her. For the right people, too much is just enough. Her too much can meet other people’s sense of too much and all can be right with the world. She further goes on to say that she weighs the heaviest she ever has, but that she is the happiest she’s ever been. Showing that the feeling of beauty does not only have one physical look/one mentality. Instead of thinking we are too much, let’s say we are just enough.

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DISCLAIMER: I do not take credit for the written words used in the screenshots/ Instagram posts. All thoughts belong to their rightful owners. And I do not take credit for the Lena Dunham photo.

 

I hope that this post can resonate with you. I know all these things I shared really hit home for me. I know what it’s like to question yourself constantly, and worry how you look or how you come off to others. And I’m just getting so tired of it. I am who I am. I’m a kind person, but I’m not perfect. I have moments where my enthusiasm or my reactions may be TOO MUCH for you. If you don’t like it, that’s ok. We don’t have to be best friends. Life is full of people you are going to have to deal with, that you may not like or may not see eye to eye with. You may not get along with everyone. Just be yourself and love the skin you’re in. It’s not easy. I know. Society has taught us that by engraining standards into our brains. But fuck them, there is only one you. Own it, because no one else, ever can. 😉 

Do you ever feel like you are too much?

Honey, you are just enough.

-<3-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eye Contact

 

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So I’ve been hitting a wall, when it comes to writing blog content lately. I start a few drafts and then I get uninspired to finish, and nothing is feeling good enough to post. I want to keep to a 2 times a week posting schedule, so I turned to my 400 Writing Prompts Book, for some help. I thought this one was pretty good.

 

Do you think the eyes are a window to a person’s soul?

What does eye contact mean to you? 

 

It’s funny I wrote a poem called Sunglasses back in 2013 when I started this blog, and it touches upon this topic a little. 

I do think in some way, the eyes are the windows to a person’s soul. I think they are going to tell you how a person feels. If they are scared, confused, loving, or whatever emotion they may be feeling, it’s all there. I notice that for me personally, I value eye contact. If someone isn’t looking at me while I’m talking I feel it’s like they aren’t listening to what I’m saying. Although that being said, I know I’m guilty of doing this myself at times. Life happens around us, and distractions are constant. However, I also notice that sometimes eye contact can be difficult for me. During a difficult conversation, during an awkward moment when you don’t know your place in a situation or what to say. Or simply, when your brain needs to find the right words. I find that I kind of look off trying to come up with a phrase. I also have issues with eye contact when it comes to men- usually men I feel don’t know me well. I feel like they are instantly judging me. Sometimes, I feel this way while talking to women too, but it’s not that often. I believe in women’s empowerment. I believe in feminism and supporting each other. And I feel like women just get where each other are coming from. We all face those same weird life circumstances. We are sisters. It’s a safe space. But with men, especially with how they think differently they don’t always understand where we’re coming from. I often worry what they think about me. Are they judging me, judging how I look,  or what I’m doing. But that’s a whole other conversation that includes feelings of  fear, inferiority, nerves, anxiety, insecurity, feminism, and wanting to find a man that actually wants to listen to what I have to say. I feel like if I don’t look directly at them, then they don’t get to see those inner thoughts floating around in my massively chaotic mind. They just will think, I’m unphased./busy or even worse, they’ll think I’m being rude. But that’s ok, because it’s better than the truth. Either way it’s not super great, but I find myself doing it all. the. time. It’s unfortunate because I know that it can come off as merely uninterested and that kind of sucks. #PROBABLYWHYIMSINGLE HAHAHA. Avoiding male eye contact, (referring to male strangers/acquaintances not men I actually know or am related to) is something I’ve always done. I don’t know. I have to be aware of that, and check it. But I guess in some way, I’m still that shy girl that keeps to herself or her close inner circle. I’ve conquered many awkward moments in my life and I’m really good at filling awkward silence, and conversation. But sometimes I just feel like with certain people, I’m not myself. Or if I am myself, it doesn’t match up with them.  Well there you go, that’s some real deal truth for you. However, sometimes eyes are just eyes. And we don’t have to over think every glance or conversation. Do you know how many times I’ve dazed off and then realized the person across from me probably thought I was starring them down. Resting bitch eyes, are a thing too, I guess. So you never really know what someone is really thinking while they are looking/not looking at you. So what’s your take…

 

How do you feel about eye contact?

Do you find it easy as pie or do you view it as something

deeper like a window leading to your soul?

-<3-

 

Hi, I’m still here…

People, people, people…how the heck are ya?

I can once again apologize for being MIA/inconsistent and follow it up with a whole “I’m back” spiel. But I just wouldn’t be telling the truth. I’ve been all over the place, I can’t even remember what I was doing  a few weeks ago. This year is flying by and I can’t even believe we are already in April.

There are many reasons for my inconsistencies here on this blog. I always attempt to stick to a Monday/Thursday post schedule, but now I’m lucky if I get one post up a week, I get really super duper lucky if I get two up even on any random two days. That’s kind of why you’ll see a random Sunday post pop up, or a Tuesday post sneak in. Because I just so happened to have some time to do it that day. To be honest, I haven’t been writing much at all. And I just realized how much I’ve missed it.

Needless to say, I still haven’t gotten back into it. I stand in front of a classroom asking students to write and trying to inspire their creativity and yet I feel like a hypocrite because I myself feel so uninspired.

In February I hit a slump. And it pretty much lasted all through March too. The goals and ideas I had in the beginning of the year went out the window, and the promises I made to myself soon became forgotten.

I guess you can say that’s normal right? We often leave our resolutions in the dust of the January’s left over glitter.

But this felt different.

It felt like I was just constantly going through the motions of what I had to do. Then I got hit with a period of time where I was sick on an off for weeks. First I was treated for a sinus infection. Then after a bunch of back and forth between my doctor and urgent care, I was finally treated for the flu (as a precaution) and strep throat. To say I was done was an understatement. I was taking so many different medications and constantly feeling like I wasn’t present, feeling like my chest was so heavy and like I couldn’t breathe right. I stayed in bed for most of my days. I was even sick for my 27th Birthday. Super fun. Side Note: My mom did make me a kick ass chicken and waffles dinner though, which I was happy I at least got to taste a little. On top of it all, mother nature decided to rain on my pity parade and grace me with her presence.

So I was a mess. I was emotional, I was sick, I didn’t feel well physically or mentally. And because of all of that my anxiety was in full force, I felt like I was going insane. I just didn’t feel like myself for weeks. I really felt like I was spiraling into this weird depression, where I felt like there was something really wrong with me. Soon enough I started to come out of it and even though I’m not 100% out of my funk, I can safely say I feel 100% better than I did a few weeks ago. It’s so crazy the things that your mind can put you through. I was so frustrated at how I was feeling, because I knew the rationality was that I was sick and on medication and dealing with lady problems (lol) and I knew it was just the combination that was making me feel funky. My brain kept telling me not to make such a big deal of it all. People get sick, you’ll be better in a week. But my anxiety turned it into so much more. 

I recently had off of work so I tried to cram a bunch of things into my week. Including meeting up with a few friends. And out of all the ladies that I spoke with, we all were feeling the same way. Stressed, anxious, unlike ourselves. And it got me thinking…you are never alone in what you feel. There is always someone who has felt or is feeling what you have/are feeling. 

When you deal with anxiety, you become this prisoner in your own mind. As my friend put it, you start to live in your head. And although the mind is a beautiful, powerful thing, it can also be something that can literally break you down and tear you apart because it’s so powerful.

So that brings me to my next point. Seasonal depression is a thing.

Seasonal Depression is also known as –Seasonal affective disorder– A mood disorder characterized by depression that occurs at the same time every year.

*Usually self-diagnosable
*Symptoms include: fatigue, depression, hopelessness, and social withdrawal.
*People may experience:
Mood: anxiety, apathy, general discontent, loneliness, loss of interest, mood swings, or sadness
Sleep: excess sleepiness, insomnia, or sleep deprivation
Whole body: appetite changes or fatigue
Behavioral: irritability or social isolation
Also common: depression, lack of concentration, or weight gain

And when it comes to the Winter season (especially in New York) you can gather how many people may be experiencing this. It stays cold and dark out longer, there’s less opportunities to go out and experience sunlight. Often people stay in doors to avoid the cold temperatures or the snow. You know the snow that falls in March and April when it should be Spring. And your social life becomes sullen. Your left with isolation at times and if you deal with anxiety- your worry sets in and you begin to drown in your racing thoughts. Not to mention that NY whether is so unpredictable that you could be thinking Spring is right around the corner, wearing light jackets and then it snows and you need a winter coat again in a day.  That’s enough to put anyone’s body in shock and confusion. Not to mention that the flu season this year has been atrocious. EVERYONE has been getting sick. Gosh, I really thought I was going to escape it, I usually have a strong immune system. But in general my anxiety has peeked these past few months and I imagine that left me a little more susceptible. Never the less, I am slowly, but surely coming out of my funk, and I am finally starting to feel like myself again, and it is time I try to manage my time wisely.

So I won’t make any promises here. I am actually going to just say now that the Monday/Thursday schedule is on hold for now. I will try my best to at least post once a week. I just have a lot going on with weddings, and showers, and family and work and I realize I can’t always be perfect at doing it all at once. And that’s okay. We all could benefit from giving ourselves a little grace at times. At the end of the day, you can only try your best.

But as I said before, I do miss writing, so I’m hoping to make it more of a priority for me. 

Talk soon.

xo Michelle 

-<3-

 

 

Movies I love…[Part 2]

Check out Part 1 HERE!

I’m  a romantic, I love a good love story….or even a bad one. [Shout out to From Justin to Kelly and Glitter] Lol.

And I love romantic movies, comedies, dramas/thrillers. They are all right up my alley. Add a fierce female lead and I am sure to love it! Some of my favorite actresses are Mandy Moore, Jennifer Lopez, and Katherine Heigl, and a few others, I think you’ll start to see a pattern. But it just so happens that everything these women are in, I usually love! 

So I thought I’d share the trailers with you for some of my favorites. Because these movies are movies I can watch over and over and over again.

Who’s with me, ladies? 😉

 

There are still so many movies, I didn’t mention…I’m sure I’ll do a Part 3 and 4 (and so on) in the future! 

 

What are some of your fav movies?

-<3- 

Movies I love…[Part 1]

I‘m a romantic, I love a good love story….or even a bad one. [Shout out to From Justin to Kelly and Glitter] Lol.

And I love romantic movies, comedies, dramas/thrillers. They are all right up my alley. Add a fierce female lead and I am sure to love it! Some of my favorite actresses are Mandy Moore, Jennifer Lopez, and Katherine Heigl, and a few others, I think you’ll start to see a pattern. But it just so happens that everything these women are in, I usually love! 

So I thought I’d share the trailers with you for some of my favorites. Because these movies are movies I can watch over and over and over again.

Who’s with me, ladies? 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 2 COMING SOON!!!

-<3-

Selena Gomez.

Over the past few years I have really grown to love Selena Gomez.

selena_gomez_vogue_2017_by_funkycop999-db2hx5w[1]

VOGUE Magazine 2017

I loved her last album Revival so much and I am loving here newest tracks.

In May of this year she released Bad Liar

Read the lyrics HERE

And then this month she released Fetish-

Read the lyrics HERE

Each song is a new sound for Gomez and quite frankly new for the music scene. I haven’t heard anything like it recently. “Bad Liar” transports you back to the 70’s, with it’s incredible chanty hook. While, “Fetish” dives into this sexy, breathy, lyrical call- drawing you in only like a siren could.

I’ve always admired how Selena managed to grow up in this industry with class.  She allowed her journey into dressing sexier and exploring more adult topics in her music, to be gradual and she is now in a place where all of that is authentic. It’s not just a marketing tool to fuel the “Sex Sells” fame machine, but rather just a young girl becoming a woman. We all go through it. 

I’ve seen her handle herself in interviews and she is just so smart, so well grounded, and so mature. If anyone is worthy of being called a role model for young girls, Selena Gomez is it. She speaks on real issues and is genuine about her love of people and caring for them. I’ve always been impressed by her maturity and how she carries herself. In this recent interview below, I love how she discusses her time in treatment. And how much it’s helped her. She’s unapologetic (and rightfully so), and she knows that therapy can be a positive part of life and advocates for knowing when you need just a little extra help to get your mind right. There is nothing wrong with that.

“If anyone is worthy of being called a role model for young girls, Selena Gomez is it.” -Michelle Leigh Writes

Selena also goes onto to explain that her new material is a collection of songs that each stand on their own, and have different sounds and messages. After hearing the newest tracks, I can say I am officially hooked and cannot wait for this record.

Selena then dropped the video for “Bad Liar” this June and it is a MASTERPIECE!

Selena plays several of the roles herself where we see this rollercoaster of a family navigate their bizarre everyday routine, while a young Selena secretly harbors a crush on an older female character. There are many ways you can spin this, but I’ll leave it up to Selena to tell you the true meaning. I just adore the way it is filmed and the coloring and the 70’s inspired setting. And props to SelGo for really making a statement, AND playing 4 roles!

She really is growing her career in the best possible way with a good head on her shoulders and a kind heart to top it off. I cannot wait for the “Fetish” video, because the audio imagery is super interesting, and the images she’s been posting on her instagram page have been super cool and vintage inspired. Girl I see you, do your thang!

Selena Gomez thanks for being a diamond in the rough girl, looking forward to all the new things this fresh start in your career will bring!

*I do not take credit for any images, videos, lyrics, or music used.*

-<3-

 

Supergirl Strikes Gold with Cat Grant “Dive” Speech

As you may know my current Netflix obsession is the CW’s Supergirl. The show’s second season has just been recently added and I have been a very happy girl. In the premiere episode we see a conflicted Kara/Supergirl as she is now faced with many open doors. Finally getting a hold on her role as a heroine, she must explore her options in new areas of her life; her career and her love life. The man she has been in love with; James Olsen-has expressed how he wants something more than just friendship and her boss Cat Grant has decided to give her a promotion allowing her to choose any position she wants. The world is her oyster and she is completely stuck. She’s scared. She’s confused. So Cat gives her the encouragement she needs, the push that only Cat Grant can give, in her fashionable Cat flare. When I sat there hearing these words, they felt real to me. I could relate to that fear and that uncertainty. The need to want to stay within your safety zone. That fear of change. What she said made me think, made me question my own life. And once again I felt such a connection to this show, and I think that is something beautiful.

“Dive. You’re standing on the shore afraid to dive into the new waters. And you’re afraid because you don’t want to say goodbye to the mild mannered, love-lorn Kara Danvers; the sweet and dutiful assistant to Cat Grant. You are standing there looking out at your options- the icy blue water, the fast flowing river, and the choppy sea and they all look very appealing to you, because your dying to go for a swim. But you know that water is going to be cold, and the journey is going to be hard. And when you reach the other side you will have become a new person. And you’re scared to meet that new version of yourself. Now we all get used to our own personas, and we’re used to our own comfort zones, but trust me, in order to live we must keep daring, keep diving.” 

– Cat Grant [Season 2, Episode 1- Entitled “The Adventures of Supergirl”]

Speech @ 5:07

 

Stream Seasons 1 & 2 on Netflix Now!

Cat Grant is played by Calista Flockhart and I can promise you this speech is just the first of many epic moments of wisdom and empowerment.

 

-<3-