Her name is Lulu

Lulu walks along the city street. Her iPod in her ears; playing one of her favorite songs…lulu

Woman monster, woman child,
Woman hero, woman wild
Woman whisper, woman scream
Woman listen, woman free

Woman Mary, Jezebel
Woman heaven, woman hell
Woman teacher, womankind
Woman nature, woman rise

I am the Universe wrapped in skin

A few minutes in and she came to the realization that she didn’t really have a destination. She just needed to walk. She needed to breathe fresh air into her lungs. To feel connected to the world in some sort of strange way. She needed to find clarity. Purpose. Inspiration. Lulu didn’t quite know how to feel about her recent move to New York. She was unsure she’d ever fit in. But maybe that was the point. Always feeling like she was two steps behind everyone else…late to the game, is a phrase she knew well.

She needed to feel like she was finding a path for herself, or creating one. She needed to feel like she wasn’t a child, that she was growing and maturing. That she was going somewhere, that she was making her future happen, and not just waiting on it. Lulu needed to know that she could stand on her own, take care of herself. To begin her quest from girl to woman.

But she also needed to learn the difference between becoming independent, and pushing people away. Isolation is no way to live. There had to be a balance. Lulu needed to find it.

Isn’t that how it goes?  Lulu ponders. Small town girl makes a splash in the big city? A fish out of water. It’s a scary thing uprooting your whole life, for a chance at something that may or may not ever happen. Lulu wanted to be a writer. To expand the minds of many. To expand their souls, and give them an escape from ordinary life even just for a minute.

Lulu’s goal was to make people feel like they aren’t alone. Like they have a friend in her. Someone who gets it. Who gets them. She wanted to make them feel like she saw them, she wanted to make them feel seen and understood. Lulu wasn’t used to scandalous behavior. Sure she wrote about it in her stories of young adults trying to find themselves, making mistakes along the way. But it was all based on imagination, it was nothing she herself had ever experienced. Write what you know, huh? Lulu did the opposite. She wrote what she wanted to know, what she wanted to explore and learn about. She wrote from imagination. The pinnacle key of creativity. Some would even go as far as to call her innocent, or a prude, or simply too naïve for her own good. But Lulu knew better. Her eyes were open. And she could see the world for all that it is. A mixture of happiness and sadness. A blur of blacks and whites. Fading. Gray areas. Colors like canary yellow and magenta. Lulu could see that life can be filled with depression and anxiety and then flip a switch and be blessed with joy and laughter. It was in these switches, that she would put pen to paper and try to make sense of it all. The pen is mightier.

So fellow writers. Who is Lulu? A small town girl moving to the big city? A fish out of water? A writer with a dream? A lost soul searching for her purpose? Is Lulu just like you? Just like me? Lulu is you. Lulu is me. Lulu is every twenty something struggling writer, every girl turning into a woman, Lulu is just trying to find who she is, and what her place in the world is, but there’s a few things to keep in mind along the way…

*LULU*

Learn

Universally

Love

Uniquely

LISTEN to Lulu’s quest to womanhood.

* I do not take credit for the images used in my edit.*

-<3-

Love Conflicted- Chapter 7

Previously on Love Conflictedposter LC

Read Part 6 HERE

ricky spies on maggie tumblr_nic86frUnA1rays90o2_500[1] kisss tumblr_ljoss25X7F1qg2pbdo1_500[1]

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maybe eh

The sunlight casts a golden glow on Maggie’s bedroom, lighting up her face as it lay on Ricky’s chest. Ricky and Maggie lay in her bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. Maggie had dozed back off. Ricky is wide awake and can’t help but stare at Maggie. She’s the most beautiful she’s ever looked.

Ricky glances at the clock on her nightstand. His hour is almost up. He stares at Maggie, wanting to memorize every detail of her face.

How am I supposed to leave her? he thinks.

Ricky untangles himself from Maggie’s arms and makes his way out of bed. He grabs a pair of sweats and pulls them on, and heads into her kitchen for some coffee.

A few minutes later, Maggie wakes up. In a sleepy fog, she stretches her arms above her head, basking in the sunlight. She smiles to herself, looking to her side she notices the space near her is empty. She instantly feels sick. Her heart drops.

love scene

Maggie: No, no. (she whispers to herself, tears beginning to form, she covers her face with her hands and pulls her pillow into her chest, hugging it tightly, pulling her knees in.)

It was all a dream, she thinks.

Ricky walks in a few minutes later. He leans against the door frame.

Ricky: Hey gorgeous. (he takes a sip of his coffee)

Maggie’s head shoot up hearing his voice.

Ricky sees her face, and is instantly alarmed.

Ricky: Maggie, baby…what’s wrong? (he rushes over to her placing his coffee cup on her end table.)

Maggie shakes her head, Ricky sits next to her cupping her face, willing her to talk to him.

Ricky: Did you have a bad dream?

Maggie: Something like that.

Ricky: What was it? (he wipes her tears away with his thumbs.)tears reunion

Maggie: I just thought…I just thought maybe I really did lose you. And maybe everything that happened earlier was just in my head. (she looks down)

Ricky: Hey. (he lifts up her chin, to face him) I’m so sorry.

Maggie: I know. (she kisses his hand as it cups her face)

Maggie stares at Ricky for a beat.

Ricky: What? (he pushes her hair behind her ear)

Maggie: Oh. (snapping out of her daze) I just can’t believe you’re really here with me.

Ricky: I know, I missed you so much. (he leans in and kisses her)micky kiss 2

Maggie: So what happened…where have you been?

Ricky: I don’t want to waste time getting into specifics…

Maggie: Waste time-what do you….

Ricky looks at her with sad eyes, knowing very well she’s not going to like what he has to say.

Maggie: No.

Ricky: Baby-

Maggie: No! (she stands up abruptly, Ricky sighs not wanting her out of reach) No. I just got you back. And you’re gonna seriously try and sit here and tell me, you’re leaving somewhere again. Absolutely not!

Ricky:(reaching for her) I know that this is frustrating-

Maggie: Frustrating? FRUSTRATING? No. Ricky thinking you were dead this whole time has not been frustrating, it was debilitating. It was heartbreaking. It wrecked me! I fell apart.

Ricky: I know Maggie, baby, I know. (he takes her hands into his) It was wrecking me too. I hated being away from you. But it was the only way I knew I could keep you safe. With everything that happened I-

Maggie: Wait a minute. (starting to pull away from him) This was all your idea?

Ricky looks at her nervously, trying to pull her back to him.

Maggie: So you chose…to stay away from me? (she continues to distance herself) To make me think you were dead? This was all some elaborate story…

Ricky: Maggie…Maggie you have to understand, what I am up against, the kind of mind games and tricks this agency is all about.

Maggie: What happened? Just tell me what happened. Don’t I at least deserve that much?

Ricky: You deserve so much. You deserve to know the whole truth.

Maggie: And why do I get the feeling, that’s not going to happen here, (she says folding her arms.)

Ricky notices, he notices the sure fire sign, that she’s shutting down.

why didnt you tell meRicky: Don’t do that. Don’t put your walls up, not now. And please stop walking away from me. Do you know how hard it’s been not having you in my arms. Now that you are, don’t pull away from me, please.

Maggie: Are you kidding me? I have a pretty good idea of what you’ve been going through. (she huffs and rolls her eyes) What do you want Ricky? How do you expect me to feel.

Ricky: God. I just wanna- (he walks over to her, cupping her face in his hands he pulls her into a kiss)tumblr_nild51EDNo1qk34klo2_400[1]Ricky didn’t have anything else on his mind, other than being with Maggie. All their past mishaps, and arguments, were of no interest to him. He just wanted Maggie.

Maggie: (she unfolds her arms, and wraps them around Ricky’s neck) Ricky. I love you. And I am so incredibly happy and thrilled and just overjoyed that you are here and that you are alive, but you do not get to pull this on me right now. My walls are up because yours are. That’s what this is. I can’t give you everything in me, if you don’t do the same.

Ricky: You have me. I’m here.

Maggie: Yea for how long?

Ricky: (glancing at the clock, he sighs) About 15 more minutes. (he winces)

Maggie: (shakes her head) I can’t believe this is happening. Why would you come here, only to leave again…why not just wait until you knew it was safe for us to be together?

Ricky: Maggie, baby trust me, ok if I could stay and still fix things from here, I would. But there’s a lot that needs to be dealt with before we can be together. Before we can both be safe.

Maggie: What does that mean? Are we not safe right now? (she looks around her bedroom nervously.)

Ricky: Well let’s just say you’re covered, but I have quite a pretty penny on my head right about now.

Maggie: What! Like a bounty hunter type of deal? Ricky! Nothing your saying is making sense right now. What’s going on? You’re scaring me.

Ricky: Shh. Stop. I don’t want you to be scared. You don’t need to be scared. The less you know the safer you’ll stay. But I’m not here for any of that.

Maggie: Then why are you here?

Ricky: Why do you think? (he kisses her.) And I’m sorry I wasn’t here…for you… with the baby…micky kiss

Maggie looks at him, stunned.

Maggie: How do you know-

Ricky: I have my ways. (he smirks)

Maggie: Care to share?

Ricky: I had my partner, bug your living room. (he smiles sheepishly)

Maggie: You what? Who?

Ricky: Ian.

Maggie: Ian?

tumblr_mqrm3ucVaQ1qfwu1ho6_250[1]Maggie looks up at Ricky, she’s starting to connect the dots a bit.

Ricky: Ian’s a good guy. He’s the only friend I have helping me through this. He’s helping me clear this mess up. He’s also been the one looking out for you while I’ve been gone. He’s the only one I’d trust with your safety.

Maggie: Ok? And-

tumblr_ngeio0Dc4x1twe2lto1_250[1]Ricky: Maggie. I’m so sorry about the baby. I wish I could have been here with you. I hate that I wasn’t here for you. I wish you would have told me. I understand why you didn’t. But-

Maggie: Well (walking away from his arms) it doesn’t really matter much, I’m not pregnant so-there is no baby.

Ricky: It matters to me. (he grabs her hand)

Maggie looks at him, her eyes tearing up.

Ricky: Will you talk to me about this, please?

Maggie: I’d rather not.

Ricky: Why?

Maggie. Because I don’t want to talk about it.

Ricky: Why?

Maggie: Because it hurts.

Ricky: Maggie you know that we can always try again, right? We can try until it happens. This isn’t over.

Maggie: That’s not the point Ricky? The point is that I didn’t know that. I sat here for a week thinking you were dead. Thinking that I missed my chance. And I prayed for it to be a mistake for that stupid negative to be false. I wanted it to positive, because then I’d always have a piece of you with me, whether you were dead or not, whether we were together or not, I just wanted something that would connect us always.

Ricky’s eyes begin to tear.

Maggie: But you knew. You knew you’d see me again. You had the truth to hold onto. I had memories and pain.

Ricky: I’m sorry.

Maggie: I don’t want you to be sorry. I may not like what you did. But I do know that you love me.

Ricky: Ain’t that the truth. (he smiles through his tear stained cheeks)

Maggie:(softens her gaze) And I know that you wouldn’t have done what you did, if you thought  there was any other way.

Ricky: I just want to keep you safe. You’re the love of my life Maggie. (he smiles, tears rolling down his cheeks)

Maggie: (crying) You’re the love of my life too. (they kiss) And I’m sorry I wasted any time making you question that. I knew how much I loved you, but with your job-I was just scared.

Ricky: Yea I got that. (he brushes her hair from her face)

Maggie: This past week has been hell, I went over every last thing I said to you. I hated the way I handled things. I’m sorry I ever let you leave without giving you the answer you deserved. Without letting you know how much I still wanted to be with you.

Ricky: I knew. (he cups her face, smiling at her) I’m sorry too. But none of that matters now.

Maggie kisses him. tumblr_mi7tm4nZFR1qf2r04o5_250[1]

Ricky: When I heard about the pregnancy scare, I knew I had to see you.

Maggie: Well, I’m really glad you did. (she smiles through her tears)

Ricky smiles.

Maggie: I don’t wanna fight with you. Especially if  I only have you for (glances at the clock) 10 more minutes.

Ricky: Thank you. I love you so much.

Maggie: Come hold me until you have to leave.

Ricky smiles walking over to her and pulling her into a tight hug. He kisses her forehead. Maggie hugs him tighter, and looks up at him. He leans down and kisses her.

Maggie: You promise you’ll come back?

Ricky: I promise.

Maggie: You better. Because if you don’t I will hunt you down myself, and kick your ass. (she pushes him away, he smiles and pulls her into a kiss.)micky 13

Ricky: Trust me, nothing in this world, is going to keep me away from you.

Maggie smiles up at Ricky, and touches his face in adoration.

Maggie’s phone rings.

She picks it up, and walks back toward Ricky, who wraps her back in his arms.

Maggie: Hello?

Lily: Hey…how’s it going? How you feeling?

Ricky: (brings his finger to his lips, whispering) Shh.

Maggie: Better.

Lily: Yea?

kissesssssRicky smiles, kissing her neck, and pulling her closer.

Maggie: Yea. I’m much better.

Lily: That’s great. Do you want to meet up for lunch?

Maggie: Yea sure. I’ll call you back in a bit, ok?

Lily: Sure… tumblr_mwnz1pZSVz1qdoecso1_r1_250[1]

Maggie hangs up and kisses Ricky.

Lily hangs up too and looks at her phone surprised at Maggie’s sudden shift in mood.

Then returns her attention to the little kids running around her classroom, playing games and singing silly songs.

-<3-

* I do not take credit for any gifs, or any images used in my (crappy) edits or otherwise. *

 

Love Conflicted- Chapter 6

Previously on Love Conflicted

Read Part 5 HERELC poster

Due to sexual content

Due to sexual content

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This chapter is a little riskier than most…in regards to sexual content. But it’s rather timid, I think. This is just a slight warning. I find I censor things a lot on this blog, and in my storytelling, because I’m unsure how to proceed without it being received as a trashy, tacky, overly done love scene. I’m a writer, I have to bite the bullet some time and post a freakin love scene. If any of you read my other series Mysterious Attraction, you know I shied away from sex scenes, they were rather implied than actually spoken of, or described to any major extent. When the truth is I’m a romantic at heart (you guys know that), I believe in love and well sexual scenes are bound to come up in love stories. There’s just no way around them. As a writer I need to learn to write out of my comfort zone. So in this chapter things get a little sexy. Let’s all blush now and get it over with. We’re all adults here. (I hope) And hey if you’ve read 50 Shades of Grey (which you bet your ass I have)…this will be Disney rated in comparison. Haha. Enjoy!

tumblr_mwq04o7S6O1qax2xho4_r1_250[1]Ian stands outside a door. He scans the hallway, before knocking three times.

The door opens, and Ricky stands there.

Ricky: What are you doing here? Who’s watching Maggie?

iannnIan: Her friend Lily is staying the night. And I have an off duty friend keeping an eye on the building.

Ricky: What friend? Ian we didn’t agree to any extra people knowing about this. It’s supposed to be you. You’re the only one I trust.

Ian: Look the guy doesn’t have a clue what we’re doing. He doesn’t know about you. He just thinks he’s plain old security. I told him to just call me if anything suspicious comes up. Besides Lily is onto me. If Maggie gets wind of me. You’re screwed. We’re both screwed.

Ricky: Yea that makes sense. Did you have a chance to-

Ian: I only had a 1 minute window, while they were on their way back home, I snuck in, the mic is under her living room lamp shade. We should be able to hear anything they say, and anything that happens we’ll know about it. It’ll help us keep her safe.

Ricky: Ok good. Dial us in.

Ian pulls out some equipment from a duffel back he was carrying.ian and rikcy

He fiddles around on his laptop and soon Lily’s voice is heard, filling the small hotel room.

Lily: Here’s your tea sweetie.

Lily and Maggie are sitting in Maggie’s living room on the couch in their pajamas.

Maggie: Thanks. sleepover

Ricky’s head shoots up at the sound of Maggie’s voice.

Lily: Are you feeling any better?

Maggie: (laughs with dryness) This tea is much needed. But I can’t say it’s exactly a cure-all. Nothing is. He’s not here, and I can’t change that.

Ricky winces, hearing Maggie’s upset tone.00224_zps265b34a6[1]

Lily: What can I do?

Maggie: You’re doing it. You’re here. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have you here. You’re the only one who knew us, as an us.

Lily smiles taking her friend’s hand.

Ricky sits down in a chair, listening intently as Ian joins him.

Maggie takes a sip of her tea.

tumblr_nlrzsuE37S1txp1h4o2_500[1]Lily: Tell me a story.

Maggie: What?

Lily: Tell me a story about Ricky. About the two of you. Let’s remember him, let’s remember how much he loved you. How much you loved each other.
Maggie: I don’t know if I can handle that right now- (she chokes out, tears starting to form yet again.)

Lily: Ok, fine, I’ll start it.

Lily scans the room, and grabs a picture.

Lily: Ah what about this one? Tell me the story behind this night.

Maggie shakes her head.tumblr_mqrm3ucVaQ1qfwu1ho4_250[1]

Lily: You guys went to that fancy dinner party…the one that hosted your favorite author’s new book launch- or something? Right?

Maggie: Yea. (she smiles, taking the photo from her hand)

Ricky smiles knowing which picture.

micky 5

Ian glances over at his friend.

As the girls talk, the guys reactions are intertwined accordingly. Ricky is spying on his girlfriend, who thinks he’s dead. In his mind he thinks he’s just doing so to make sure she stays safe. A way to be there without actually being there. But what he finds out next, will make him feel a range of emotions.

Lily: (smiling) Pretty sure a lot more happened that night…if I remember correctly.

Maggie blushes and smiles, adverting her eyes.

Lily: Talk to me. Tell me. I know it’s hard. But I think it’s what you need. You need to talk about him. You need to grieve.

Maggie: (takes a breath) That night was the first night he spent here with me.

Lily: And was it amazing? (she teases her smile infectious)

Maggie: Lily you know this story. I’ve told you it before.

ricky and ian frieIan looks at Ricky who is smiling hearing her voice, but the sadness in his eyes matches the sadness in his heart for not being able to be with her.

Lily: Refresh my memory.

Maggie: Lily.

Lily: Maggie? Trust me on this okay. You need this. You’re trying so hard to suppress how he made you feel, because you’re hurting, but that’s just making you hurt even more. Let it in. Let him in. He won’t let you down. I promise you. Trust him. Trust his love. Trust his memory. That’s what’s gonna get you through this. Well that and tequila.

Maggie laughs.

Ricky and Ian exchange glances and small chuckles.

Ian: She’s good.

Ricky: She always is. Lily never questioned Maggie and I. It’s what I always loved about her. She’s the perfect friend to be helping Maggie through this. I couldn’t have asked for better.

Lily: So….(coaxing her on, to tell the story behind the photo.)

Maggie: The book preview ran late, and Ricky and I didn’t drive, because well there was a wine bar.

Lily: Duh?

Maggie: (laughs) And I was going to take the train home, but Ricky insisted on paying for a cab. He didn’t want me going home late alone. He walked me up to my apartment door, and I always thought that he had a hidden agenda. He had asked the cab driver to wait, but I could have sworn I saw him sneak and pay the guy before he left the car. As if he kind of knew it was gonna happen.

Lily: Ricky…you sly sly dog.

Ricky and Ian laugh.tumblr_nji5630ttC1tjodfqo2_500[1]

Ian: Did you?

Ricky: Hey… I was only going off of her leads.

Maggie: (laughs) No no. I’m pretty sure he was just going off of my body language. I wasn’t exactly keeping my hands to myself that night.

Ricky smiles and points at Ian.

Lily: So you’re the sly dog?

Maggie: No. I just knew what I wanted. And I wasn’t about to sit around and wait for it, when I knew it was what he wanted too. Sometimes we just get in our own ways, and we waste so much time. I was over it. I wanted him. He wanted me. So I dove.

Ricky’s eyebrow cocks up at Maggie’s boldness.

Lily: That’s my girl.

Maggie: So he walked me to my door, we kissed goodnight, and that escalated rather quickly (she laughs) and then before I knew it clothes were everywhere and it was just kind of… happening. And he was amazing and sweet and sexy…so so sexy. My god…Ricky is one sexy man.

Ricky and Ian are laughing.

Ian: Damn Rick. I’m just learning so much about you.

Ricky: (laughs) You shouldn’t be hearing this.

Ian: What Lily knows the story, and I can’t? (he kids)

Ricky: Well if you’re gonna listen shh, I’ve never heard her side of this story. (he smirks, listening intently)

Maggie: I just remember thinking, if I could pick one man to do this with, for the rest of my life. It’d be him. Hands down.

Ricky smiles.tumblr_nji5630ttC1tjodfqo1_500[1]

Maggie: There was something about being with him that electrified everything in me. It was kind of like taking a shot of tequila without a chaser, you know that flutter you get in your stomach, this was like that, but better. Way better.

Lily: That’s a new description, I don’t remember you throwing that one out the first time you told me this story. I would have remembered that. Damn that sounds hot. Phew. (Lily fans herself dramatically, as the girls share a laugh.)

Ricky covers his face slightly embarrassed but even more so pleased by Maggie’s description of their first time together. He never heard her describe it.

Lily: It was never just sex with Ricky. You know I don’t think you truly know what making love is, until you really feel every movement being made. You can get swept up in lust and miss so much. But love; it’s poetic, it’s gentle, it’s raunchy, it’s aggressive, it’s needy, it’s kind; all in one. And that kind of thing, that kind of feeling, that kind of connection to another human being, it’s once in a lifetime. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. Or at least that’s how it should be. We go through life, thinking we need to hop from one person to the next. In fear of settling down. That if we do that too quickly, it’s somehow against the rules. Well I’ve followed rules my entire life. And now at work, I set them. And I was tired of it. I was tired of feeling trapped. Meeting Ricky was the best thing that ever happened to me. He woke me up. He helped me live. And even though he’s gone, I am so glad I got to experience all of that with him.

Ricky’s eyes well up and he brushes his hands over his face.tumblr_niljqcmNIE1r3i2gwo3_400[1]

Ian: (noticing) Dude. I can’t understand how you can do this…do you hear her?

Ricky: Look I get that this sucks. Ok? That most certainly is not lost on me. But this is the only way I know that she will be safe.

Ian: It’s killing her.

Ricky: You don’t think I know that. You don’t think it’s tearing me apart, knowing that I’m hurting her. Knowing I can’t be there with her. It’s killing me. It is physically wrecking me. I’m half between delirium and losing my mind here, Ian. I’m not doing this just to do it. I’m doing it because I love her, and if anything were to happen to her because of me, I couldn’t live with myself.

Ian: I just- I know. But it’s not easy being the one who has to face it head on. I’m the one that had to tell her you were dead. I’m the one that has to see the pain on her face everyday.

Ricky: Dude, really. Not helping.

iannnIan: I’m sorry. But that feisty Lily nearly bit my head off. She’s onto us. I think she may even think you’re alive too. I may have slipped up in my choice of words.

Ricky looks at him.

Ricky: You are the worst CIA agent ever.

Ian: Ricky I’m sorry man she just caught me off guard, and she’s really kinda sexy, I kinda lost my cool for a minute. It won’t happen again. Now I know what to expect with her. I can be more prepared. I swear man, I’m so sorry.

Ricky starts laughing.

Ian looks at him confused.

Ricky: I’m messing with you. Look I get it ok? The right girl can distract you from anything, even the most important job. One look and you’re a goner. Trust me I know.

Ian: Is that what happened with you and Maggie?

Ricky: Pretty much, I was on an assignment, things backfired and I found myself in the middle of a disaster that I needed a break from. I happened to be in the right place at right time, and bumped into Maggie. Seeing her just kind of made everything else melt away. I didn’t even know her. But something in me knew I had to protect her.

Ian: Well Lily, she doesn’t need my protection. You don’t think she’ll tell Maggie what she suspects, do you?

Ricky: (laughs) She would never tell Maggie, not now. Not unless she was positive about the whole situation. That girl is tough. She looks out for her friends.

Ian: I can tell. I kinda like her though, she’s got something about her. I can’t stop thinking about her. (he grabs a beer out of Ricky’s mini fridge)

Ricky: Oh yea that whole feisty tough girl routine, that’ll reel you in quick. But Lily’s also a sweetheart. She’s been a really good friend to me and my girl. If you’re gonna look to go for her, be careful. Treat her well. She’s a good one.

Ian: Just like Maggie.

Ricky: Just like my Maggie. (he smiles, looking at the picture of him and Maggie)

micky pic 3

Ian: What’s that?

Lily and Maggie are chatting about Maggie possibly coming back to work their voices trail off in the background of the hotel, as Ian and Ricky continue to talk.

Ricky: (hands Ian the photo) This was like a week after we met. I took her to this concert she had been going on and on about, and I remember just looking over at her, and she was just bobbing to the music, singing along. And everything just kind of clicked for me. This girl was perfect. And life was simple. I was normal. And I knew she was the one. She was it. 30 seconds later, I told her I loved her.

Ian: Wait a minute and this was one week into your relationship?

Ricky: One week. 7 perfect days. Each one better than the next. (he takes a sip of his beer)

Ian: You didn’t think it was too soon? You weren’t worried she’d get freaked out and scared off?

Ricky: Why? I live my life by risks. I risk my life every day for stupid shit, that doesn’t even really matter to me. What did I really have to lose? The way I saw it, I had more to lose by not telling her. By letting her go without her knowing how hard I had fallen. When you know you just know. And seeing her, and being near her, getting to know her, I just knew.

Ian: So what’d she say?

Ricky: She laughed at first, I don’t think she knew I was being serious right away. Then the laughter turned into this kind of nervous giggle. (he laughs) Her nervous laugh, my god, it’s the cutest thing you’ll ever see, or hear. She began to ramble about how she was caught off guard and how she didn’t know what to say, so I just grabbed her and kissed her. (he shrugs) I didn’t want anything from her. I just wanted her to know. I knew I was moving fast, so I really wasn’t expecting her to say it back. But 30 seconds later, she did. And I don’t think I have ever been happier. She changed my life.

Ian nods.

Lily’s voice cuts through their conversation like a knife.

Lily: Why didn’t you tell Ricky about the baby?

Ricky’s focus shifts and his head shoots up.ian and rikcy

Ian’s eyes go wide.

Maggie: I tried, but not hard enough. I just could never find the right time or place. There was so much going on with us. We were so up and down and I wasn’t sure I was even really pregnant. I didn’t wanna get things even more crazy complicated for no reason. Turns out I was right not to make a big deal about it, right?

Ricky: Oh my god.

He stands up pacing, starting to freak out.

Lily: You know he would have wanted to be with you, if he knew.

sleepoverMaggie: I know. But everything just happened so fast and I just never got to tell him it was even a possibility. And then when I knew it wasn’t anymore, it was too late. Now that Ricky’s gone and I know I’m not pregnant. It’s just too late. It’s too late for anything.

Ricky’s confusion is evident.

Ricky: (to Ian) Did you know about any of this?

Ian: No Rick, not at all. I just set up the mic before I came to you.

Ricky: Oh my god. She thought she was pregnant? I can’t even believe this. I can’t believe that I’m not there with her, for this. She’s probably freaking out… on another level now!

Ian nods knowingly.

Ian: Ricky, man. I’m so sorry. If I would have heard anything, I definitely would have told you sooner.

Ricky is pacing his hotel room, trying to decide something.

Ricky: I need to see her.

Ian: Ricky?

Ricky: You need to get me in there… I need to see her. I can’t let her go through this without me. Not this. This is too big.

Ian: You know what you’re risking right?

Ricky: I can protect her. I just need to see her. Ian, man, please. I just need a few hours.

Ian: Ok, I can get you in there. But you have to wear a disguise, stay hidden, don’t draw any attention to yourself whatsoever. And you can’t stay long. One hour tops.

Ricky: I got it.

Ian: You need to be careful Rick. I mean it. Otherwise all of this will be for nothing.

Ricky: I know. I’m so close to getting to be with her again, full time. I’m not about to ruin it. I’ll be careful. I’ll be fine.

Ian: Ok. But here. (handing him some things to disguise himself) I’ll drive.

Very early that morning around 5 am, Ricky makes his way toward Maggie’s apartment door. He’s wearing a black hoodie, dark jeans, a black beanie and black sunglasses.

He listens to the feed from Maggie’s apartment in his ear. Lily is just about leaving.

He hides in the shadows of the hallway.

Maggie opens the door as Lily exits the apartment.

Ricky catches a glimpse of Maggie. Her eyes all puffy and red. He just wants to rush over to her and take her in his arms and stop her pain.

Lily: I just wanted to run home to change before work. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?

Maggie: Yes I’ll be fine.

Lily: You call me, if you need anything. Ok? Anything. Any time. Don’t hesitate. Ok?tumblr_ll0l3pdDDf1qakgyy[1]

Maggie: I will. Thank you Lil- I don’t know what I would do without you.

Lily: You’ll never have to find out.

The girls hug each other tightly, and then Lily leaves.

Maggie gets a feeling. She scans the hallway. Ricky hides back in the shadows away from her eyesight. Maggie shakes it off and goes back inside. She goes into the bathroom to take a shower.

Ricky carefully and quietly picks her apartment door lock, and lets himself in.

He hears the shower running. He looks around the apartment, taking off his hat and glasses. He’s walking around touching each picture of them as he does. He walks into her bedroom and sits on her bed. He brushes his hand over the soft blanket. He has a flashback of him and Maggie kissing the night they first were together in her apartment. He closes his eyes and remembers. He opens them and leans over to her vanity. He picks up her favorite perfume bottle and sniffs it. That’s My Maggie, he thinks.

ricky spies on maggie

Then he hears her voice. She’s humming a song. Their song. The song they first danced to. He smiles, following her voice. He walks into the bathroom. Her silhouette is shown through the shower door. Her body is perfect, he thinks. Ricky doesn’t want to jump the gun too soon. He doesn’t want to frighten her. He doesn’t want her freaking out and getting hurt. She thinks he’s dead after all. But he needed to be near her. He needed to touch her. And he couldn’t wait another minute. Ricky takes off his shoes opens the door slightly, climbing in, fully dressed.

Maggie feeling the draft and a presence turns to be met my Ricky’s lips on hers.

Maggie feeling the familiar body starts kissing him back.tumblr_nic86frUnA1rays90o2_500[1]

Ricky pulls away just enough to stare into her eyes.

Ricky: Hello gorgeous.

Maggie stares at him, dumbfounded.

Maggie: Ricky!

Ricky: Hey baby. (he smiles brightly)

Maggie: What are you-? How are you-?

kisssRicky: Do you really think I could ever leave you?

Maggie: But you-

Ricky: Shh. Just say hi- (he cups her face.)

Maggie: Hi, (she chokes out before he kisses her again, she wraps her arms around him, and he pulls her closer to him.)

Ricky unzips his sweater, while Maggie begins to help him disguard his clothes.

Ricky lifts Maggie up as he continues to kiss her, the water pours down over them. At that moment, whether Maggie thought she was just imagining him or not, nothing else mattered.

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**********

Well…Ricky and Maggie had quite the “steamy” reunion…(steamy…shower, get it? harty har har) What do you think is next for these two lovebirds? Are they out of the woods yet? And it was pretty timid stuff right? Nothing too crazy? I have to admit I was nervous to post this. But what the hell. Tell me what you think!

Find out where this love story goes next, when Love Conflicted  continues this Thursday! 😀

* I do not take credit for any gifs, or any images used in my (crappy) edits or otherwise. *

-<3-

Writer’s Corner

writers corner

This week on Beyond Belief…. 😉

“Writer’s Block…True or False. Fact or Fiction.”

(Who knows that reference, high-five if you do, we can now be best friends!)

Anyway in today’s Writer’s Corner I would like to focus on the dreaded Writer’s Block. In my research of writers that have come before me, I have heard many upon many say that writer’s block is a myth. That you just have to write and get over it somehow, and eventually something will come. Well to that I say, phooey! Yes phooey. It’s bull. Not the part about powering through, but the part about it being a myth. Any writer knows that sometimes, you just can’t put it into words. Sometimes, your images are flying rapid speed in your mind and they can’t quite find their way onto your page. Or you simply don’t have anything in dire need of pouring out of your heart at that moment. You are spent, mentally exhausted. I’m going through it as we speak, (why else do you think you are getting two Writer’s Corners this week!) I think that’s what brought up the idea for this post. I’m sitting at my computer trying to think of something great to post and I’ve got nothing. Sure I could throw something together, but it’s not anything I’d be proud of. I even tried for a poem, got through about 4 lines and nothing after that. What the hell? It sucks, it just does. But I do believe it does exist. A writer is never going to be 100% inspired every second of everyday. 100% inspiration any day is a stretch for that matter. And yes, there are times (most of the time) that we will have to fight to write. Write even when can’t. Even when we don’t want to. And just accept the fact that it will suck. But it will be something. But at the same time, writer’s block is still real to me. I know it is. Sometimes it just gets the best of me, and I wind up removing myself for a day or two and then viola like magic, back in business, and up and running, and typing away like I’ve been trying to all along. Because I have something to say, and people are going to hear it. Isn’t that always the case? After a little break, new ideas and exciting story lines are at the tip of your brain and you are unstoppable. So my advice… (not that I’m in the business of giving any really…but hell sharing is caring, right?) notice your writer’s block, and understand that it’s not forever. It is real. I feel you. We are here, all in this together. Give it a day, give your mind a break, and recharge. Do something else that you love. Go outside, talk to a friend, look through unfinished pieces. Something will spark you. The world around you is your blank canvas, paint it red, or yellow, or freakin’ magenta! God speed my friends. Keep writing, and keep feeling all the feels you lovely humans. And feel free to comment, let’s chat! We writers need to stick together.

So…what’s your take on writer’s block? Spoiler Alert, it’s cool if you disagree with me, that’s what opinions are for. Go on and have them! I sure have mine. 😉 And if there are any specific topics anyone would like me to cover on MichelleLeighWrites “Writer’s Corner” let me know! I am open to suggestions, and I think it could be really helpful to share with each other; writer to writer. Let’s start a conversation. 😀

* I do not take credit for the image used. *

Stick around for more “Love Conflicted” COMING SOON!

-<3-

Writer’s Corner

 

 journal1 - Copy

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

What do you want to be when you grow up? The annoying question that came long before the current “Do you have a boyfriend yet?” or “Did you find a job yet?” But unlike my recent answers, the initial, at times invasive, question was always greeted by a new answer, a new phase. One day I wanted to be a ballerina, then I discovered Britney Spears and wanted to be a singer. An event planner. A director. And now most recently a writer…TV writer to be exact. The truth is I often question, the path I’ve chosen. And if it was the right one for me. If this is what I’m destined to be…meant to do for the rest of my life…be a writer. And the confusion is heavy at times. When they say 20 somethings are just trying to find themselves…it’s totally true. You may not know it but that’s what- the feeling you have in the pit of your stomach that questions you and everything you are- that’s what that is. You are just trying to find yourself. But how do you do that? How do I do that? I choose to write. And I may write more some days than others. And there are days when I don’t want to write at all. Or days when I don’t feel like sitting in front of a computer screen all day. All of it can be exhausting. My fellow writers know this, I’m sure. It starts to weigh on you. But for the most part, it’s still a big part of my life. And I keep coming back to it. The thing is writing has many genres. And you can mingle with all of them. (And make yourself slightly crazy.) Or you can dip your toes in a few and test the waters. I have enjoyed exploring many of them. But that also confuses the crap out of me. Short stories, poetry, pop culture pieces, reviews, movie scripts, tv scripts. The list is endless. And they are all different. But at the heart of it all there is one goal in writing isn’t there? No matter what specific genre you want to fit yourself into. The goal is to tell a story. You have something to say, and you want to share it with the world. You want them to feel. And that’s the driving force for every writer, I think. We don’t just write to write, we write because we love to tell stories. And that is a beautiful thing. So I guess this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Now I just have to figure out where I should be doing it and how to make it happen. I’ll leave you with a quote I recently came across that made me really happy and left me feeling inspired.

“I’m going to take over the world through television.”

– Shonda Rhimes

(ABC show-runner; Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder)

*I think it’s safe to say, she did.

*I do not take credit for the image used.*

-<3-

Writer’s Corner

journal1 - Copy

“What makes you a writer?”

There are so many fears and struggles in saying you’re a writer. So much so that we often discourage ourselves, from going down that road, because we are scared we won’t be able to do the impossible. To make a living off of it. But I don’t think writers write for money. In fact if we did, then a lot of us would have quit the day we started, because it’s definitely not the easiest money making route, so I’ve learned. I’ve heard so many people say different things about writing. Some say if you write…then you’re a writer. Which I like to believe. And some say, if you don’t write everyday, then you’re not a writer. Which I understand, but I highly doubt that. I’ll confess I don’t write everyday. I may write blurbs here and there everyday. But solid pages upon pages writing every day, I don’t do that. Yet I consider myself a writer. And I think that’s ok.

What I’ve learned as I begin researching fellow writers and reading scripts, and listening to overall writer’s advice, is that you are going to hear a million things from each writer that has come before you. But that’s their story, their path. That may have gotten them to success but that doesn’t mean it will or won’t work for you. You have to make your own path. That’s not to say that slacking and never writing, or not researching makes you a writer, because we all know it doesn’t. You do have to practice your craft. But missing a day or two here and there of writing, doesn’t not make you a writer.

A community which struggles to even consider themselves writers shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. We all have good days, we all have bad days. We have days when we can write for hours, and days when we just can’t put it into words. But trust that you will get there, maybe not today or the next day, but maybe the day after that. And if you can’t than maybe you move onto your next brilliant idea. There are so many times when I have ideas upon ideas bouncing around in my head and I don’t know which to start with. The pros will tell you, just write it, stop worrying, and just get it on paper. And I totally agree. But that still doesn’t silence that voice in our heads that tells us, it’s safe in my mind. It’s perfect. What if I put in on paper and I ruin it. But what if you don’t? What if you write it, and begin to see it even more clearly? What if it’s a masterpiece? We need to learn to trust ourselves. There are delete buttons, and backspace, there are pencil erasers, and whiteout. Hell we can do this. If you really think about it, we have no choice. We are writers.

What constitutes you as a writer? The amount of pages you’ve written? The amount of hours you spend writing? How many years you’ve been writing? What you’ve been writing? How you’ve been writing? Where you’ve been writing? Winning an Emmy or Oscar? Writing a bestselling novel? Writing newspaper articles about what’s going on in the world? Or can it simply be sharing your ideas between the pages of a journal, posting to a blog? Or just writing from mind to paper? If your thoughts are your own and if you speak from your heart. Why should there be any hesitance.

I’m a writer. I write about my life, my heart, my interests, my hopes, my inspirations, my aspirations. I write about actors, and the love stories they portray. How simple actions can make love blossom on screen. I write reviews about music, music that can move emotional mountains. I write poetry about the world around me. I write about things that inspire me or that make me ask questions. I write about feminism and how believing in it only makes you wiser. I write about what I love, or what matters to me. I write. That’s what I do. And I love it. That doesn’t mean that it’s always easy. Hell some days I can’t even think about writing a sentence, because either writer’s block is kicking my ass, or my brain is fried. Or I just can’t find the words to tell the story that has been running through my mind. But I always manage to find myself back here, writing for you, writing for me. So I guess that’s what makes me a writer. Because no matter what it keeps me coming back. Does it keep you coming back? Because hate to say it, but you’re a writer too. We’re all in this together, just like Troy and Gabriella, (points if you caught that reference haha). God help us all. 😉

-<3-

Writer’s Corner

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 “Selfishly Humble”

Writers are a uniquely selfish yet humble bunch. We write to set our thoughts free. We write to make things make sense for ourselves. We write little bits of us and people we know or people we see around us into storylines without permission. We drag out inspiration from the slightest acquaintances. We write. That’s what we do. Yet we never actually consider or have the guts to call ourselves writers. Because maybe if we say it out loud, someone will judge us or worse we’ll judge ourselves for trying to achieve the nearly impossible; making a living off of writing. And yet here I still am, writing. And if you’re still reading this maybe you are too. So observe, feel, and write. Just keep writing. Even if it’s crap…something will come from everything you write. And whether or not you use everything you write doesn’t matter. Write anyway. The more you write the more you find out who you are.

-<3-

Kiss Me At Midnight…A Short Story

“Kiss Me At Midnight”

A short story

Soundtrack: LISTEN as you read 😉

Follow Aidan & Chloe’s New Year’s Eve  journey.

kiss me at midnight

#Dreamcasting

The party is in full swing the minute Aidan walks into the room.

Balloons, streamers and confetti are literally everywhere.

The music is loud and Aidan knows he’s walking away with a headache tonight and not the kind you get from getting drunk and hung-over.

People are either dancing or making out, there’s no in between, well except for a few loners here and there.

They are my bread and butter Aidan thinks, nodding along through the crowd.

As he looks around searching for the one familiar face he cares about, the crowd parts and there she is.

chloe and aidanAiden’s gaze finally lands.

He gulps nervously and hopes she doesn’t notice.

Lucy+Hale+2011+People+Choice+Awards+Red+Carpet+-PQOfu-JO3tl[1]

As Chloe walks towards him in her sparkly gold dress and high heels, her spicy red lips circle into a big smile.

She glides across the room like she owns it.

In the most modest of ways.

Without even knowing it she has been charming him forever.

And he wondered if he’d finally get the chance to tell her.

She stops in front of him.

“Hey you made it.” She says, pulling him into a hug.

He is speechless for a few seconds melting in her arms like a love sick puppy.

Much like every time he talks to her, looks at her, or is even in the same room as her.

It’s easy to admire her.

Although no one is without flaw.

To him she is perfect.

It was always like that.

Ever since they were young kids growing up together.

Ever since he thought she had “cooties.”

There was always something about her that stood out from all the rest.

In a sea full of normal, she was his extraordinary.

But of course he could never tell her that, right?

After years of conversations about their futures, and what they wanna be when they grow up, brooding over stressful school years, enjoying hysterical inside jokes, and being the shoulder she’d use to cry on while he had to painfully watch countless asshole boyfriends hurt her. Hurt her.

I swear even the idea of causing her any pain, doesn’t even make the tiniest bit of sense to me. Seeing her smile is my favorite thing in the entire world. And knowing I put a smile on her face, makes it even more worth it. Making her happy is what it’s all about.

But as Aidan’s mind begins racing, it occurred to him.

That maybe this was something bigger than the both of them…Bigger than he imagined.

It’s easy to call it love.

It’s easy to say that I do in fact love her.

But the truth is it’s on a different level.

A level that even Aidan himself can’t quite understand enough to even try to explain.

So I stood there across from her, staring intently I’m sure.

Contemplating will tonight be my night?

There was too much at stake…too much to lose.

I’ve been here before. There will always be excuses.

Excuses that stop us from going after what we want, or who we want.

But yet the wonder will always be there…so why not just go for it right?

I know I know, grow a pair, is what you all say…

But that’s easier said than done, trust me.

What would she say if she knew?

How would she feel?

It’s something I’ve always dreamed of.

But I guess in this case telling your best friend you’ve been harboring feelings for her all these years may not always have the outcome you want.

I have to prepare myself for rejection.

Although if I’m being honest; I think if that rejection does happen…it’ll stay with me forever…

It’ll haunt me and it’ll be impossible for me to get over.

So what do I do?

Do I tell her I love her and risk losing her friendship if she doesn’t feel the same way?

Do I not tell her and have it slowly bring me to the point of insanity…Zac, Chris, Malcolm, Ian…who’s next?

OR door number three; best case scenario I tell her and she feels the same and we ride off into the sunset like in those cheesy old movies.

I have to admit my cowboy standards aren’t up to snuff.

I guess no matter what I choose there’s a risk in everything.

But tonight she is mine. Not in the derogatory, cave-man kinda way…allow me to explain.

Back when we were teenagers we made a pact that if we were ever dateless on New Year’s Eve, we would kiss each other at midnight…her idea not mine.

Could you imagine my excitement?

But low and behold, to my dismay, (but not much of a surprise) she had been in some way, shape or form “taken“ every New Year’s Eve since we were teenagers.

But this year she is not.

Thanks to douchey boyfriend Zac….man I hated that guy, I wanted to punch him in the face every time I saw him.

You ever meet someone you just want to punch in the face? They don’t even have to speak, you just know they’re an asshole. Well that was Zac. When I met him, I knew I’d be picking up the pieces a few weeks later.

Nevertheless, she is free. Chloe is a single woman tonight for the first time in what has felt like forever.

And tonight, she is mine.

I know what you’re thinking….What if she doesn’t even remember our pact?

Oh don’t worry I am well aware of that and I have obsessed over and over it.tumblr_nfx034UiZQ1s9lptno1_250[1]

But she’s my best friend and she will remember.

I can feel it.

It’s my chance…It’s my chance to give her a glimpse of what we could be.

Of the magic she and I could create together.

Sappy I know…

Over the years she’s made me watch way too many chick flicks for my own good.

So with everything in me here goes nothing.

As I walk over to where she stands, smiling at me…

It’s as if she knows what’s about to happen.

I knew she’d remember.tumblr_m7ebvdD2k21rab293o1_250[1]

The crowd begins to count down 10, 9, 8, 7, 6…

And before I know it… my longest running dream is a reality.

So I have to wonder…

Will 2015 be a year of new beginnings?

It kinda feels like it already is.

Cheers to hoping so.

-<3-

*I do not take any credit for any gifs or images used*

*Happy & Healthy New Year!*

Writer’s Corner

I’ve decided to start a new little ongoing topic. You can find all future entries in it’s own category on the panel to the right; under “Writer’s Corner.” The purpose for this category is for me to share some things I’ve learned as I continue to write and develop my own voice and style. I do want to make a disclaimer and say that by NO means am I a professional writer nor am I claiming I am qualified in giving advice on writing, but this is just my personal writing experience thus far and things I’ve learned. I’ve fought myself to understand that if you write, if you like to write, you ARE a writer. And you should embrace it. I do hope you can relate. Enjoy! 😀

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“The truth about writers”

You wanna know the truth. Writers have no freakin’ clue what they’re doing. Sometimes a blue room is just a blue room. And sometimes it’s a metaphor for a calming skyline. And sometimes the things we’re writing are not what we think we’re writing about, but something entirely different. We are just as confused as the rest of the world. We are just trying to find out who we are, and what we want to do with our lives. As cliché as that sounds, that’s the hidden (well not so hidden) truth. We just put pen to paper to try and figure shit out. Pardon my French.

-<3-