I won’t chase after you

I refuse to

Because you never fought for me

And you’ll never learn to

And in the big picture

I guess it was my fault

For ever giving you the time of day

Because your selfish

And you’ll never change your ways

So run from me

but don’t be surprised when I run away faster

-<3-

A followup to: Screw the timeline…

“The Faceless Man”

Oh wouldn’t that be something if I knew god’s plan

and I could put a face upon this faceless man

Wouldn’t matter if he was rich

the wealth of love would be enough within his kiss

Tired mind meets tired heart

two opposites that learn to fight a losing battle

Although the mind is strong

It’s the heart that leads the way

No need for a boy

without a clue

To them love is a waste less art

But the faceless man can still see

See all the love that is within me

And although his eyes are deemed colorless for now

They shall one day be revealed and reflect brightly in mine

Often times hope wears and tears with age

And age may only be but a number

But still we hope

We hope for a man who can follow through

we hope for a man who will actually care for you

Those who came before this faceless man are only learned lessons

Don’t take it personally

you just weren’t meant for me

We just weren’t meant to be

We don’t have to be friends

we don’t have to be enemies

Just indifference is all it seems to be

In the sky

is a bright bright star

And I know my eyes lock with his through these dark distances

Unknowingly so

For he is seeing that same star

Once those colors set in

The Faceless Man awaits and will erase all faces before him

Because a woman unsure

is a woman with a deep heart

and a gentle soul

And a man with no clear face

is a man with a heart waiting to find its home

-<3-

Haven’t done this little tidbit in a while…so…

FYI: Totally gained extra emotional momentum listening to Sara McLachlan’s

album entitled Surfacing…yea it’s a Sara McLachlan kind of day 😀

P.S. shout out to Miley Cyrus’ lyric

“We don’t have to be friends, we don’t have to be enemies” from her song “two more lonely people.”

I was listening to that in my in between phases of starting and finishing this poem and I heard that and thought it fit perfectly so…thanks miles…gotta give credit where credits due boo 😉

Happy Weekend Folks 😀

So my best friend and I recently had a conversation about how a lot of people our age around us seem to be rushing  into adulthood and parenthood a little too quickly and although we respect other people’s choices we also know what we want for ourselves. 22 years old…we are ONLY 22 years old! And in some ways I feel like our lives are just beginning, and we are just now starting to understand who we are and who we want to be. Nowadays everything you do is debated by the world around you (thank you social media!) haha. But once you realize that you have to create your OWN timeline, and find what works best for you…well then you’ll be fine. I mean this generation needs an update. You don’t NEED to get married in your late teens/early twenties, and you don’t NEED to start a family right now either! You HAVE  time. You have time to figure out who you are without the additional company of someone else, you have time to pave your way to a career you love and you have time to understand what you want out of life…. your life. So screw the timeline, it’s outdated and unrealistic in today’s day and age, and just create your own timeline… but also learn what deserves to have your time…and what doesn’t. With that said…

Tick Tock, Tick Tock goes the clock

As a girl checks outside her door once more

All she sees  is an empty door mat greeted by emptiness and heaviness

Everything used to make her think of you

everything would somehow relate her to you

But after waiting

after learning

The breeze ungentle and the heat uncomfortable

She decided it best she close that door

She was tired of watching the tumbleweed roll by

and tired of  tripping over childish schemes

Realization is a tough pill to swallow

but some water will wash it down

and now slowly the girl who once used to wait around for you

could care less what your up to

She understands you were just a moment

a lesson to learn

and every lesson gives experience

experience that will eventually turn into a new face

A faceless man with many smiles and eyes with love to give

a face with genuine personality

a face she doesn’t even know exists

a face worth her time and worth her heart

all in good time

all in good time you see

Tick Tock, Tick Tock went that clock

And that girl took it and threw it away

But her mother cleaned it up and brought it back to her

and her friends said save it for another day

in every person’s heart there is a clock

and that clock will one day sound an alarm

a new aged ringtone that will harmonize with another’s

all in good time all in good time you see

All in good time that clock will bring that new face in

and this world will one day make sense

-<3-

Stomach in knots

Try and try but can’t help it

Try to forget

But can’t help where we’ve been

May have been simple

May have not gone very far

May have acted prematurely

because maybe it was all in my head

Explaining it is hard

Feeling  like a fool

May not be nothing new at this time in life

Thinking and hoping

Read far too much into an empty gesture

Thought you felt something like I did too

Maybe it was a momentary spark

One that died out quickly for you

Because now I know the truth

All you  do is emotionally abuse

It’s unfortunate how you’ve opted to see me

as nothing but a useless heart

It’s the feeling

The feeling a girl gets when she’s washed out

Time will heal

Time will tell

Time is moving at a standstill now

Someone come quick

It’s all washed away

The feelings she once may or may not have felt

Confusion afloat

But when words go unsaid

and actions go undone

The water washes in

and the heart fades

Fades as it gets overrun

Time will heal

Time will tell

And eventually that girl will move on from being washed out

For so long I spent time daydreaming of what it is I felt I was good enough at to make a future of. And for so long I felt that there wasn’t anything that I was good at, at all. Surrounded by a sibling that is pretty much good at whatever the hell he does, you can only imagine the pressure one puts upon themselves. Regardless of that fact, I have always had a strong connection to writing, and television and movies. I love the idea of this world you yourself can create, get lost in and everything you put into it, is based upon your hopes, your dreams, and your circumstances. It’s a unique way of getting everything you’ve ever wanted, without being selfish, for only you know what it is that can be for the good of the storyline. And no one is ever going to share your same exact vision. For a long time I didn’t allow myself to get caught up in whether or not I was a good writer. I often times would lower my expectations, in fear that if what I wrote sucked, well then I wouldn’t necessarily be surprised. I guess you can say it all goes back to that stupid saying “aim low, so you’re never disappointed,” which honestly is a pretty shitty way to live your life. Anyway…I think it was around high school when I realized writing was an important factor in my life. But it wasn’t until college that I really let myself explore the idea of screenwriting as a possible career. I guess I just never realized it was a possible career path.  I often wonder what marks a writer? How do you know you are in fact… a writer? There were times I wouldn’t consider myself a writer, but then I realized….screw it, that’s what I am…that’s what I feel closest to, that is what makes me happy… so for all my other hesitant writers out there, I came up with a few standard ideas of what makes a writer a writer…

You know you’re a writer when…

You’d rather live in the world of the characters you created then your own reality

You know you’re a writer when…

Day dreaming becomes visual story-boarding

You know you’re a writer when…

Your mind is racing with character ideas and dialogue, and your hands can’t keep up

You know you’re a writer when…

You think of your characters as little individual pieces of you, or those around you

You know you’re a writer when…

You have random notes, short hand plot lines and details all over your house in various notebooks, on post-its, on your computer, in your journal, or my personal favorite; typed into your cell phone (haha)

You know you’re a writer when…

You lose time writing a script, and you write into all hours of the night, but you’re okay with that

You know you’re a writer when…

Editing your work, becomes painful and you can’t let certain details go, because your writing has become the equivalent of nurturing your own child (lol)

You know you’re a writer when…

The simplest thing can trigger an idea

You know you’re a writer when…

You start to look at your favorite television shows and movies as research

You know you’re a writer when…

Music speaks to you through its lyrics, and you try to figure out why the writer wrote what they wrote

You know you’re a writer when…

Imagination trumps real life  experiences

You know you’re a writer when…

You question whether or not you’re a writer

You know you’re a writer when…

You feel something and the only way you can say it, is to write it down

That’s when you know you’re a writer

-<3-

So as I mentioned I’m graduating in a mere few weeks and it’s getting pretty crazy. I’ve just been finishing all my assignments, especially my senior thesis which was one hell of a long haul! But now that I’ve finally completed it I can safely say I gave it my all, and in the end that’s all you can really do. If you would have told me it would have come out the way that it did I would have never believed it, and I’m really happy that I created something that I can really be proud of.  Anyway…needless to say that is why I’ve been slightly MIA. And I mean I don’t know if that matters to any of you out in cyberspace, but I do hope those who read along enjoy what you read! lol So with that said here it goes…

 

“The Hardest Thing”

It’s the hardest thing

Emotion

The deepest feelings one ever feels

It’s the hardest thing

Devotion

To honor a life long commitment to someone you adore

It’s the hardest thing

Creation

To ignite your soul and awaken your spirit

It’s the hardest thing

Motivation

To step out of a rut that’s gone on far too long

It’s the hardest thing

Adaptation

Adding new challenges to a routine life

It’s the hardest thing

Destination

Achieving your true potential and chasing your dreams

It’s the hardest thing

Life…to get past all the world’s obstacles

It’s the simplest thing

Life… as long as you live it for you

Often times I feel like we lose focus, and we worry too much about what other people may think of us or whether or not we’re good enough and we lose opportunities when we have them. And that essentially becomes the root of life’s obstacles. When in reality life is just life, there are amazing days, and there are shitty days. There are moments where you wish you could freeze time, and then there are moments were you feel like you’re drowning. But life is only as complicated as we make it. It can be really simple, as long as you live it for you. That’s not to say, you should become arrogant or insensitive to other people’s feelings and dreams. But when the world seeps into your life and gets into your head and begins to distort your heart and your perception of yourself that’s when you know you need to take a step back and make some changes. That’s when you know you need to put yourself first. Because at the end of the day if you can’t trust yourself how can you trust anyone else?

“Leave you with that thought bitches!” haha sorry inside joke between me and my friends, seemed fitting 😀

#HappyTuesday

-<3-

I guess trusting your gut is always the best option

Denial is a 3 letter word…

R-U-N

That stomach never settles

You think its nerves

But its so much more

Your body’s telling you something

RUN

At a time when you want to take chances

at a time when you’re tired of over thinking

No one knows you better

and if the situation calls for it

RUN

Sooner than Later

Safer than Sorry

And once you listen to that voice inside you heart

you’ll be ok

All can be forgiven

and that running will just be a fragment of your imagination

Run Girl Run

Sooner than Later

Safer than Sorry

-<3-

So we’ve all heard this story about a guy and a girl

It’s the oldest story in the world

The guy was well-known for being a ladies man

harboring a wandering eye

And the girl, well she was just looking for love

She tries and she tries

and it’s just miss after miss

And then one day the two meet

You knew it was coming

At first she plays hard to get

But he keeps at it, persistence is his specialty

she becomes his latest challenge

Every love story starts this way doesn’t it?

And cliché as it is

The girl always falls for it

The universe tricks her into thinking she can change him

That she will somehow be the one girl who makes the guy truly understand

what it means to be in love

That she is worth it

Worth it enough to stop him from being a complete ass

and shape the hell up

And maybe for a little while she does

But then again we all know how that story ends, don’t we?

Its sad to say but people rarely ever change

“You are who you are

and it’s probably who you’ve always been”

– (One tree hill)

I have this reoccurring image of a girl being interviewed

She’s young and vibrant and she sits across a recording camera

and the interviewer asks her

“So what did you do this summer?”

and she simply says

“What did I do this summer?…This Summer…I fell in love”

with a big smile on her face

and then suddenly it dulls a bit and fades

And she adds

“I mean we’re no longer together, I got my heart broken…but that’s ok, I kind of expected it anyway”

She’s not bitter

She’s learned so much

And in a way she’s learning more about who she is

and just how much she can handle

and how much she’s truly worth

I imagine that’s what love truly does

Well that was an mindful huh? Kind of heavy for a blog post (but whatever)… This comes from watching wayyyy too many soap operas and tv dramas…. but Heyy it was a hell of a lot of fun writing it 😉 If writing wasn’t fun for me, I wouldn’t even care to do it. In fact  I imagine this is how artists write their songs…sometimes you have to write about the hurtful stuff  in order to eliminate the bitterness that accompanies it.  Sometimes you have to have a humorous approach, and know that it’s ok to laugh at yourself. That’s the only way to get through life…um what do you think Cry Me a River was written for? Duh? I guess it all really does circle back to Justin Timberlake for me HAHA… Writing is like a free form of therapy, that you’re in charge of, and for me, I consider that a pretty awesome reward.

Happy Weekend

-<3-

Break my heart

I saw it coming

Stone of art

Red water flowing

A broken vase

A wilted flower

Take a breath

Before witching hour

-<3-

      In life the eyes capture moving images and commit them to memory…in fear of losing a precious moment…in a way, if you look at it carefully enough… blinking is the shutter of the brain that is your camera..think about it for a second, it’ll make sense one day…

*marinate in that thought next time you wanna run before you walk…In life it’s never bad to have too many pictures*

As you may have noticed some of the images I use are taken by

Robert DeSantos Jr.

And yes, he totally knows I creep his photos like nobody’s biz when I need something haha. My brother is a pretty kick-ass photographer and I think it takes someone with a hell of an imagination and a visual way of thinking to really be able to capture those moving images. After all, the camera doesn’t just take the nice picture, the photographer does have a little something to do with it, its more than just the click of a button 😉

*Ode to the bro*

 

Click his name and like his Facebook page!

-<3-